Not listening to voice mail even when you don't recognize the number

Okay, sometimes it’s easier and quicker to just call the friend back than to listen to the voicemail they left. You see that Mom called, and you just call her back. Fine.

But when it’s an unfamiliar number/one that’s not in your contacts list, and the caller has left a voicemail, why not listen to that?

I left a message yesterday for someone whom I don’t know–someone who does a service for my mother–and about an hour later I get this plaintive, anxious call, “Someone called me from this number? Was that you? Do I know you?” And I quickly identified myself and said, “I guess you didn’t listen to my voicemail?” “Um…no, I didn’t.” And I wanted to scream: “WHY??”

That’s a very minor example. But a friend of mine manages a service business that gets referrals from various city agencies to go out to homes that need repairs after fire, flood, etc. The people from his company call the parties who need the work done and leave messages explaining who they are, why they’re calling, etc. But nine times out of ten the people just call the number back-- the main number shows up on the caller i.d. There are 15-20 repair people making these calls, so when someone just calls the main number and says, “This number was on my caller i.d.,” it takes some time to figure out which person called them. And then the client gets all irate at the delay, taking the attitude, “Well, YOU called ME…”

Yes, yes, there could be procedures put in place to handle callbacks, like a master list at the switchboard-- that’s another subject. And not the point.

Am I the only person who WANTS a voicemail when a stranger calls me? The message I’ve recorded on my phone is something like, “Hi, this is ThelmaLou. If this is a business call or if I don’t know you and you would like a call back, please leave a message.” I will not be calling unknown numbers if there isn’t an accompanying voicemail. And then I do listen to any messages.

P.S. I also wish that when people (even friends) leave messages, they would give some clue as to what it’s about. Just, “This is Mary Lou-- call me.” Not helpful. A better, less anxiety-provoking message is, “This is Mary Lou-- just wanted to make sure it’s okay if I bring my iguana to dinner tomorrow night. I’ll bring food for him, too. Call me.”

The only people who have my number are my friends. I am horribly anal about it, and anyone with my number knows I’d kill them if they gave it to somebody without my OK.

So, if I get an unknown caller who leaves a voicemail I just delete it without listening.

But I agree with your other points, and will additionally suggest just texting for simple stuff.

I *have *to listen to voicemails because my phone will keep beeping at me till I do. There’s no way I can delete the ones I know I want to delete (repeated calls from a charity group) without listening. ugh.

But I’d never call a number and say “Someone called me from this number.” What if it was a wrong number? I will not be that person.

I won’t pick up numbers I don’t recognize. If it’s important, the caller will leave a message. If there’s no message, I assume it was a wrong number or someone wanting money from me. Regardless, I will not be a slave to my phone. I don’t understand that mindset at all…

This doesn’t make sense to me. Why wouldn’t you at least listen? What if it’s a good friend who’s calling from a borrowed phone because of an accident or mishap? What if it’s a friend with a new number? I definitely wouldn’t call an unfamiliar number, but there is no risk in listening to a voicemail.

My friends all know this about me though and would act accordingly. Once my gf borrowed a friend’s cell to call me when she’d forgotten hers. She texted me about her situation and I called the number the text came from with my caller ID blocked.

(I said I was anal about the issue!)

If I hear my phone go off I’ll answer it if I’m not busy. If I can’t answer it, and someone has actually left a voicemail, I’ll get to it as soon as I can, it might be imprtant.

By contrast if the text message alert goes off, I won’t stop what I’m doing to look at it. It’ll keep until next time I need actually to use the phone. If what you’re texting is important, you would have tried to call first.

For me, it is the exact opposite. Looking at me phone right now, I’ve gotten texts from 4 people so far today. My last incoming call was Thursday. I use an answering service for fielding work emergencies. I get a text from the service with the message details and a number to call. The caller is alerted by the service that I’ll be calling from a phone with caller ID blocked, and that it’s their responsibility to insure that their phone will accept my call.

ETA: Apple is working toward having all voicemail transcribed into text messages, according to a tech podcast I listen to.

A recent exchange between my wife and a relative:

Relative: Did you just call?
Wife: Yes, I left a voicemail. Didn’t you listen to it?
Relative: No.
Wife: Well, I’m really really busy today and won’t be coming over tonight.

So… DO NOT just call your mom back either. Just check your voice mails already!

It’s real obvious that whatever common cultural expectations we all had about telephone usage and etiquette started coming unglued back around 1970 and have completely disintegrated since about 2010.

You can make absolutely zero assumptions about what the person at the other end will do or not do about an unanswered call, a voicemail, an answering machine message, or a text. You can’t even assume a human will ever even know you attempted contact.

Spam and the (over-)reactions to it has rendered yet another highly reliable means of communication into a totally hit-or-miss affair.

Well said and absolutely true.

A couple of months ago, my 90-year old mother fell in her apartment in the city where she lives 1,000 miles from me and lay there most of the day until a neighbor found her and called 911. Then her landlord called me from a number I did not recognize and left a voicemail. I’m an only child. My mother’s only relative in the city where she lives is a 75-year old brother who had just had a stroke and couldn’t talk. I rest my case for listening to voicemails from numbers you do not recognize.

So…you never leave your phone number with a doctor, veterinarian, lawyer, dry cleaner, dog walker, house painter, etc etc etc? Your boss doesn’t have it? How in the world do you conduct daily business?

I have to call people from my cell for work all the time. If it is possible, I leave a voice mail BUT I keep following up periodically because so many people don’t listen to their voice mail, or don’t know how to check voice mail. Most of them won’t even call back to see what you want. Then there are those whose voice mail is full and can’t accept messages or they never set up voice mail in the first place!:smack:

Because I call so many new numbers in a day, I do answer unknown calls as long as they are not blocked. I made an exception for this paranoid ex-DEA employee, though. I would call him on his cell, and he would call me back in seconds with his number blocked. Hey, dumbass, I just called you on your cell! I already know your number!

What are you non-answerers so afraid of? That the caller is going to tell you he is calling from inside your house?

I have my cell number linked to Google Voice, so I’ll see VM transcripts in my email. No one who knows me (aside from my mother) would leave a message for me. I can read that the hair salon just called to remind me of my appointment or AT&T wants to offer me some deal and never have to go through the annoyance of listening to a voice mail.

If someone needs to reach me urgently, they know to send me a text. My friends and I rarely ever call each other anyway, we always text. I don’t listen to voice mails, and I don’t leave voice mails. I don’t answer my phone unless it’s a number I know, and very few people have my number.

I think I’m one of the 3 people left in the world who doesn’t use a smart phone, so I hate texts. The screen on my flip phone is very small, and replying to texts involves the hassle of using the number pad. Ergo, I hate texts and I don’t use them. Plus it’s a GoPhone, so I’m charged 10¢ per minute for voice calls and 20¢ per text, incoming or outgoing. Needless to say, I’d much rather have a quick phone call than a series of texts. Fortunately, people who know me know that.

So…you never get legitimate phone calls from anyone except friends??

To repeat:

If you do leave your number with any of the above, do you immediately add them to your contacts so you will recognize the number if they call you back? If that’s the number they call back from, that is. A business or doctor’s office calling from a land line isn’t going to text you.

I have my phone number on the tags on my dogs’ and cats’ collars. If one of them is injured and whoever finds them calls me, that’s going to be a call (from an unfamiliar number) I don’t want to miss.

I’m getting a picture of a select, closed circle of people who talk/text within that circle, and no outsider can penetrate. What is the rationale for being this unreachable even by voicemail? Is it that you believe the world outside your circle can’t possibly have anything worthwhile to offer you? This is very young thinking. I’m guessing when you’re out of your teens and start getting calls from your child’s school or your elderly parent’s doctor, you’ll allow breaches in the heretofore impenetrable titanium wall.

On my landline there’s often no way to be sure who left me a voicemail, although my phone will show me the numbers for recent calls so if there’s been one call and one voicemail then I know who it must have been. If I could delete voicemails from unfamiliar numbers I probably would, since they are nearly always political robocalls. The few exceptions are mostly scam robocalls.

I usually don’t even have my cellphone on, and people who know me know this. So anyone trying to reach my cellphone in an emergency is probably screwed, whether I recognize their number or not. But this has never happened because again, people who know me know that I am not a big cellphone user and that if I’m not expecting a call then it could be days before I check my messages. Voice mails from unfamiliar numbers are usually debt collection call for the person who had my cellphone number at least a decade ago. Otherwise they’re scams.

I’m in my mid-forties, and I have grown kids, so I’m well aware that phone calls come from outside my circle. :slight_smile:

Voice mail transcripts work well for me and would, in any of the situations you mention. I have constant access to my email, so in any situation where I wouldn’t check email right away (in a meeting, out for a run etc.) I wouldn’t answer a call either. I could see the voicemail transcript and call back in any scenario you could think of.

My rationale is that I despise talking on the phone and I don’t feel obligated to respond to anyone because it’s convenient for them to talk in my ear right that second. If it’s an emergency, I’ll call right back, obviously. For anything else, I will choose when and how I respond*.

*None of this applies to work, although I prefer email there as well.

My bold.

Voicemail transcripts would **absolutely **solve the problem. My quibble is with people who delete VMs without listening because they assume no voice mail from an unfamiliar number could ever contain important content. “My friends know how to get ahold of me…” Well, it might NOT be a friend calling, but it might be important. How you find out what the content of the VM is isn’t the issue.

I’m likewise not advocating answering calls from unfamiliar numbers. I don’t. And as I mentioned above, my answer message says, “If you are a business or if I don’t know you and you would like a call back, please leave a message,” and then I do listen to the messages.

I also HATE talking on the phone and never feel *OBLIGATED *to call anyone back. But if my mother has been rushed to the ER, or my cat has been hit by a car, and I get a call from a number not in my contacts list, I WANT a voicemail, and I WILL listen to it.

I grew up way back when when it was a race to the phone because it was fun when there was just one phone in the house when it was like when we wanted a call when we were first to the phone. snerk

Takes seconds to check VM on land line to decide if I want/need to hear it.

Text inbound is fine but outbound is a hassle because I have big fingers and am slow to boot.

I should have a hands free setup in my transpo but $$$/lazy/not really needed/procrastination trumps all but Trump.

I am so not a special snowflake nor any other kind of flake (my opinion only) or so anti social that I wall myself off.

I bet there are many people who are like the ones in this thread so that explains the lack of calls I get…

[sing]I’m so lonesome that I could die… [/sing]