Not-So-Great Childhood Games

Anybody else remember “Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board?” Now that was a stupid game, and in my experience it was played by people even older than the electric slot car crowd.

TeaRoses, yes I do, and that has to have been the dumbest slumber party game ever played. It never worked when I was involved, for some reason, so perhaps I am just bitter. Regarind age, though, I’m 19 and we always played it in 3rd-5th grade.

War. That has to be the dumbest card game ever. And not only is it dumb, it also takes FOREVER. I pity the endless hours of War my dad must have endured with me (my brother’s 7 years younger, so I had no one else to play with when I was little). Of course, it’s his own fault for not teaching me more games. Old Maid is also incredibly dumb. I’d call CandyLand dumb, but the board is so cute!

Zenster, from what I’ve heard, they’d probably offer to lend you one of theirs, so as not to leave you out of the fun. Sure, they’re a family of violent psychopaths, but that doesn’t mean they’re not gracious hosts.

Anyway, another game I remember from first and second grade, and have heard from other guys that they also played, was the aptly named “kill the man with the ball” (also known as “smear the queer” in some circles, but my schoolyard associates chose to eschew alliteration for all-inclusive brutality). Basically, this game was rugby with no teams, goals or discernable rules. One person got the ball, and everyone else chased him, trying to tackle and pummel him until he gave up the ball. The odd part of the game was that there were never arguments over who had to be the one to get ‘killed’. Every player wanted to get the ball, and would run and fight like crazy to hold on to it.

Wow, how do you play this “mumblypeg”? No, really. I’ve never heard of it. Is there more, besides throwing knives?

Where I came from there were at least two variations on Mumblety Peg.

One was where you stood facing each other about five feet apart and then threw knives at some point outside where the other’s feet were. The other had to move the nearer foot to where the knife stuck. Fisrt one to fall down lost. If the knife failed to stick up, the thrower lost.

The other was more civil but harder. You used a folding pocket knife and had to make it stick after at least one full turn from various points on your body like elbow, chin, forehead, etc.

Good greif your friend is my late husband! Damn they grow up tough in Scotland.

I can’t remember any ultra dumb games from my own childhood but the next stupid Japanese cartoon that involves cards is going to make me wish I lived somewhere I could get access to a gun! Stupid stupid pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh etc. I only wish my child wanted slot cars instead…if I never have to hear about why a blue eyed something-a-rather is better then a I’m-sorry-I-have-stopped-listening card again, I will be a happy mum. Can’t see it happening anytime soon. Bring on puberty I say! Well maybe not.

We used to make wierd food concotions and force eachother to eat them. One time my friend gave me Comet in a cup with kool-aid. I saw the green powder and didn’t drink it. Now I look back - THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME!

We used to make wierd food concotions and force eachother to eat them. One time my friend gave me Comet in a cup with kool-aid. I saw the green powder and didn’t drink it. Now I look back - THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME!

Assuming the OP is not restricting this to board games I’m going to give my vote to Quimbumbia . The link I posted gives a somewhat stilted description, but it’s pretty much as described. A short stick, sharpened on both ends, a longer stick used to hit the short, sharpened stick as far as possible, that’s it.

Sublight We used to call that game “smear”. How stupid! I got hip-checked into a stucco wall playing that. Popped my elbow.

And those slot cars were all the rage in the early '60s. Like video arcades, these racing joints opened up all over. You’d take your own car to one and race against all these other geeks. It was fantastically interesting for 30 seconds.

And not-so-calm kiwi, never was there a more inane, complex, boring, insipid, pointless, wretched, annoying game than those Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

Hungry Hungry Hippos is still being manufactured and sold.

Here is a satirical story about Latvia’s victory over the USA in an alleged World Ker Plunk Championship match. Apparently serious is this ad for Super Ker Plunk!, as sold at Kmart. I was born in 1959, so I had to settle for the less exciting one-level “old school” version of the game.

Uh…did you actually use REAL knives?

Yes. This would have been outdoors in the grass. Usually played with “scout knives” (the sheath knife variety) but fold-up pocket knives were okay, too.

You’d stand facing each other about 3-5 feet apart. Feet together to start with. One would throw so as to miss one of the other’s feet by a foot or less (there may have even been a rule about throwing further out than a foot). The one being thrown at would then move the nearest foot to where the knife stuck and then throw his/her own knife at the other’s foot.

You’d keep alternating until the spread was too much and stretching to the next place where the knife stuck would cause you to fall down.

You wouldn’t play with just anybody. You had to trust the other player not to stick the knife in your feet. But this was a fairly common game when I was little.

What was this game? Being male I never learned much about slumber parties, but it sounds intriguing.

Our lame outdoor game was Ditch. Or, simply hide and seek in teams of two players, with one team being “it”. The other team would go off and hide, and the “it” team had to search the neighborhood. Come to think of it, it wasn’t all that lame, but it definitely got slow at times.

My brother and I used to play a game called “Bananas” on long car trips. Basically, the game consisted of one person asking questions, and the other person answering everything with the word “Bananas.”

“What’s that in your underwear?”
“Bananas.”
“What does ear wax taste like?”
“Bananas.”
“How many morons does it take to change a lightbulb?”
“Bananas.”

The real point, of course, was to drive our parents … well, you know.

Red Rover-it’s a blast, but someone always ended up getting hurt and everyone would get hollered at.

For those who don’t know (most probably do, but just in case): You form teams, and then each team lines up facing the other. You stand side by side with your teammates and link arms. Then you yell, "Red Rover, Red Rover, send Cecil Adams on over.
And Cecil would run at your line, and run smack into the arms of two teammates. If he managed to knock your arms apart, he’d be able to go back to his team. If he didn’t, and was stopped by your arms, he’d have to stay on your team. Whoever had the most teammates won in the end.

Then there was King of the Mountain. One person stands on the top of a hill, and then all the others run up the hill and try to knock the person down. First one to do so is “King of the Mountain.” Once again, usually someone would end up hurt and crying, (well, what’s the fun if you AREN’T hurt and crying, d’uh!) and an adult would come out and holler at everyone.

Basically anything that was fun that would cause the grown ups to yell at you.

Where I grew up there was the fun game of grabbing a shopping cart and rolling it down the hill behind the schoolyard while your buddies rode in it. Never mind that it could hit a rock and flip over and spill out your buddies so that they would hit their heads on the rocks…

Okay, this might explain a few things about some of my schoolmates.

I played “King of the Mountain” but we called it “King of the Castle.”

We even had a little rhyme: “I’m the King of the Castle/ you’re the dirty rascal” followed by taunting laughter.

Mumblety-peg, or Mumble-the-peg harks back to a time when every boy carried a pocket knife. If the ritual of flipping a knife into the ground in tricky ways seems strange, consider this gruesome, original, version. The game, in its early form, would start with one of the boys whittling a small wooden stake and hammering it into the ground. Then the knife-flipping competition would ensue. The loser had to mumble (chew) the peg out of the ground, using only his teeth!

I’m a pocket-knife collector, and the story of the game ran in the magazine of the National Knife Collectors Association.

Well, my friends and I used to play a game called “Maggot.” The idea was you got 3-4 people and 3-4 white sheets. Then you rolled yourself up in a sheet so you couldn’t move your arms and legs and just looked like a big fly egg. Hence, “Maggot.” Then you competed to see who would wriggle and roll their way to the top of an obstacle, preferably while hurting some of the other competitors.

I challenge anyone to find a lamer game than that.