So I’m over at some friends’ last night and we do our Christmas gift exchange. I have an extensive wish list at Amazon which they know about. They didn’t get me anything off the wish list, instead getting me other stuff that they thought I would like. They batted about .400; two of the things (DVDs) were things I will enjoy but wouldn’t have asked for and the other two things I have no use or desire for (one of which, a handheld hold 'em game, had they gone one step up in quality/price would have gone into the “will enjoy but wouldn’t ask for” category). Had they taken the cash they spent on these four things they could’ve gotten me two things off my wish list that I really wanted.
Anyways, the questions that popped into my head (and which of course I would never bring up to the friends as that would be intolerably rude) are, when you buy gifts for someone do you ask them what they want? If they tell you do you get it for them? Or do you go with your own choices?
For me it’s like pulling teeth to get gift ideas out of my friends and family (every single one of them save one gave me no ideas when I asked; the one who gave me ideas got things she asked for) so maybe I’m biased but I would be thrilled if someone laid out a couple dozen gift options in a variety of price ranges. I’d much rather get someone something I know they want and will enjoy instead of trying to guess. For those who don’t give me guidance I think I do pretty well; at least they act pleased when they open their gifts but they could just be being polite.
Often when asked I will say “Surprise me”. And when I ask I will hear “Gift Vouchers, if you can’t find anything else”
I and my family are notoriously difficult to buy for, because if we like something we probably already have it, and we have very particular tastes. But we always manage in the end.
My close friends and I exchanged Amazon.com wishlists. We also set up locked posts on Livejournal to discuss what we were getting for a particular person so that there would be no overlap (still was, in one case). It made shopping much easier and everyone got something they wanted. The only fault I could see is that it made gift-giving a bit less personal, but I’m sure I could have bought my friends things that weren’t on their wishlists if I had really wanted to.
I have to admit I’ve gotten very grumpy about gift-giving. My opinion is that if you do not know someone well enough to be able to pick out - all by yourself - a great gift for someone, you probably shouldn’t be exchanging gifts.
I say this with utter conviction, despite that in 17 years together, my darling husband has not picked up on the fact that I only wear white gold or silver, and never yellow gold.
I can certainly see that. I think I know these people well enough that I can get something for them that they’ll like, with the exception of A, the husband of one of my two best friends (and who is also a friend), and my brother. A is a hassle to buy for because there’s nothing he ever seems to need or want (although I found out last night that he had a wish list this year and no one bothered to tell me. grr.). Add to that the fact that he’s a freak (raw foodist computer geek who wants to build a cob house and actually live in it, and those are the least of his eccentricities) and you try coming up with a gift! I ended up ordering him a raw food book that he probably already has (it’s not in yet) and added his name onto some DVDs for the wife. For my brother, we’re not really that close so I don’t know what his interests are beyond XBox. I usually end up getting him the DVD of whatever the last summer blockbuster was and he gets me something off my wish list. My parents are also a pain because they’re at the stage in their lives that they’re reducing everything. Including their waistlines so I can’t even go with the old standby of food.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. My list of recipients is long long long, and there are people I don’t even LIKE on the list. And, I love getting presents (I’m just greedy that way ) We too often exchange gifts because “that’s what we do.”
And there are a few people whom I love dearly and hate shopping for - my father-in-law is a perfect example. He can no longer play golf (his one true passion) and all he really does is watch TV and read and he hates “cute” stuff. Despite that, I’d often find myself gravitating to golf-themed things he would never in a gazillion years want or use, because I wanted to make him smile. Not to mention, he’s financially well-off and if he really wants something, he’s likely to just go and get it for himself.
Gifts SHOULD be given as kind impulses, but it never really works that way, does it?
No, and I could write a book on it. Just from this year alone. I need to vent, but I don’t have the time now. I’ll try to sneak in later with a substantial post.
I generally follow wish-lists, if I can get the freaking people involved to give me one! I know it made my life so much easier this year, when the wife and I both kept our lists on the computer, where we could check for updates easily. I am proud to say that even my impulse gift went over very well.
I don’t like wishlists or asking people for specific things… I do have a wishlist, but mostly it’s because the occasional person off my site or friend from faraway will send me something just because.
I generally will ask for something that leaves some room for surprise. This year I told my mom I needed sewing things, because I recently started sewing, and maybe a shirt. And I got some sewing stuff (she knows what to get because she does it too) and some shirts, among other things they knew I would like. About the only thing I warn people not to give me are things like scented lotions and perfumes, unless they specifically know it’s a kind/scent I use. Random perfumes will sometimes make me sneeze my head off.
My friends think I’m famously hard to shop for, but I’m also very easy to please. I think they try too hard to impress me, to be honest. I asked one of my exes who works at the Renfaire (back in October) if he would get me a brass rose I’d seen as I was leaving, but couldn’t go buy. He told me later than when he went and saw them up close they didn’t look as nice, and they wanted too much for them. For Christmas he hid a small silver chain with a copper rose pendant on it in my jewelry box, and only told me he’d hidden a gift as he was leaving. Those are the kind of things I get.
I confess I’m the type that will observe people all year with the constant thought of what kind of things they like in mind, simply for gift purposes. But I’m also known to give gifts for no particular reason at all. I also love foisting home-made baked goods upon my friends, just because.
I don’t think you should complain about gifts, though. They are – after all – gifts. If you don’t like them, then exchange them. Usually I just try to find someone who will appreciate whatever it is or get more use out of it, but that’s just because I always feel guilty exchanging things people went to the trouble to pick out for me.
I have a couple of friends who are close enough that we get each other about 3-4 presents for C’mas & B’days.
When asked what I want, I always say “Something you know I’d like which also would remind me of you” and if that’s not enough for them to go on, I’ll make slightly more specific requests (Music or movies we both like but I don’t yet have).
So from my (and this is relevant) lesbian new age metal guitarist buddy (yes, I do have one & yes, she knows my views & yeah, there are a lot of things we just don’t discuss L), I got an Ani diFranco CD (I suggested that), a Gothy metal CD (surprise!), a JRRTolkien calendar (with HIS illustrations!- also a surprise!), and a Cenobite Pinhead Cruciform (Hellraiser III) action figure (BIG SURPRISE! and ironically something I pondered getting for myself, unknown to her).
I gave her the last season DVDs of Buffy (which she specifically requested), Gustave Dore’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner & Paradise Lost (she loves his Divine Comedy stuff & I’d already given her that), and an Elvis guitar pick from Graceland (where I went with Mom & Brother last week & will recommend to anyone who just doesn’t totally hate Elvis. I’m not a big fan but I totally enjoyed it.)
Present buying is about listening to people and knowing people. Some people (my mother for one) forget that.
Present buying comes down to listening to people and hearing people. Though they sound like they are same thing, they ain’t. Sometimes when you listen carefully you hear exactly what someone doesn’t want (and thinks you will buy them). Hearing is about reading between the lines.
Every birthday/christmas/mothers day my mum gasps and says “how did you know I loved that?”. I knew cause I pay attention. She doesn’t. One of us is always happy at Christmas
Sometimes I use wish lists, and sometimes I buy stuff that the recipient hasn’t asked for, because I KNOW s/he will love it. It’s fairly easy for me to shop for some people, and harder to shop for others. I usuall do ask if there’s something in particular that someone wants, unless I already have a pretty good idea of what I’m going to give.
I don’t have to ask my father, though. He’s always happy with a big tin of cashews or deluxe mixed nuts from Figi’s.
A few years back I mostly just stopped telling relatives what I wanted if they asked me for Christmas gift suggestions. Why? Because it didn’t matter if I told them what I wanted, I wouldn’t get it anyway. I’ve never asked for anything expensive or difficult to obtain, so I can only conclude that my family doesn’t actually care. I’d rather not get my hopes up. I now generally tell people “Surprise me” or “You can just get me a gift card to buy some CDs or DVDs”.
The latter worked a grand total of once. My sister gave me a $10 gift card for CDs. For some reason my mother likes to pick DVDs out herself, and over the years has bought seven or eight for me. This number includes only two that I actually wanted, and does not include the one DVD I have specifically asked for two years running.
I feel bad about being diappointed by gifts that other people took the trouble to select and buy for me, but when it’s obvious that they didn’t put any thought into what I’d actually like then how else can I feel? And it’s not just my own disappointment making me feel bad. If I get a gift I don’t want, then the gift-giver has wasted their time and money. Everyone is worse off except for the lucky retailer. The whole thing is depressing.
) We too often exchange gifts because “that’s what we do.”