Note to starlets considering nose jobs

Don’t ask for a ski jump. In my day a “turned-up” nose was all the rage, but it comes across as totally fake.

Leave a little bump, like Sandra Bullock did.

OTOH, you could leave it as-is as Barbra Streisand did, which resulted in opinions like, “On her it works,” and, “If I could sing like that I wouldn’t touch my resonant chamber,” depending on personal preferences.

As I recall, boxers used to get the bridges of their noses shaved so an uppercut wasn’t an automatic KO. It became an Irish-American cliche and it was utilitarian, not cute, on them and it’s less cute on you, the young woman hoping to succeed in Hollywood.

I’d quote what Jerry “Curly” Howard said about success but, if you are a starlet, you already know it.

My starlet days are behind me now and I don’t remember what Jerry “Curly” Howard said about success. Please remind me, dahling.

“If at first you don’t succeed, keep on sucking 'til you do succeed.” Also credited to Aleister Crowley, but Curly put it on film. Play with it until it sounds dirty.

I think that got by the censors because it was assumed to refer to watermelon.