Now My Dog Knows I'm an Idiot

Not that this means anything, but I used to be a vet tech and actually was accepted into the only ‘official certified program’ in the state. Sadly, I am way too allergic to cats to work as a tech. When you put a cat under you have to be VERY careful because the have such tiny little tracheas. I was sneezing so much my glasses would be five lab tables down. I supposed I could have finished the program, but who’d hire me. “Hi, I can only work on dogs” I would die if I killed an animal. "Hi Mrs. Jones. Fluffy died during her routine dental because I sneezed. On the plus side her teeth are really clean.

My point to Katie (and I actully do have one) is that even trained people have this problem. Unless you’re lucky enough to have a dog with clear nails or one that is very patient (I’ll explain that in a minute) you can probably count on quicking at least one nail per trim.

Very few dogs enjoy the manicure experience. However, almost all dogs know how far their owner will let them go.
I rescued a little Minature Pinscher who’s former owner allowed her nails to grow so long they curled under and IMPALED her pads. Suffice to say, Lilly is very touchy about anything that goes on with her feet. She violates every breed standard in the sense that she doesn’t bark, bite, run around or hate people. She’s the dearest,sweetest soul until you try to cut her nails. I know how to muzzle a dog. Lilly is the Houdini of muzzles. She is only 12 lbs and she actually broke one. But she is great at the vet. She knows they won’t put up with her nonsense.
Back to the patient animal issue. If you have an animal who trusts you completely or is just very laid back, you can clip there nails a bit at a time. First take of the very tip. Then you can just ‘shave’ the nail in tiny increments. When the ‘cross section’ of the nail stops looking dry and flaky and looks shiny and moist STOP. It may not be as short as you want, but at least you won’t quick them. (the quick is the vein in the nail)

My other mutt is truly a mama’s boy. My family used to joke that he trusts me so much I could put an eye out and he wouldn’t make a peep. Unfortunately I found out that, that is a completly true statement.

Last year, I though I felt a tick behind his ear. He has almost a spainel type coat and is very difficult to find anything. He feels that the electric shaver is the anti-Christ, so I used bandage sissors to trim the hair around his ear. (called bandage sissors because I THOUGHT they could’t cut skin) I was happily trimming away, when I look at his ear, (it’s floppy) and thought to myself, what the hell is that big white spot. OH MY GOD! ITS WHERE YOUR SKIN USED TO BE! AAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! I actually yelled at the dog for not letting me know I was cutting part of his ear off. Off the the Emergency Vet where he recieve a few stiches and I told everyone to call me Van Gogh by proxy.
I never did find a tick and in a weird circle of events, I couldn’t find my suture sissors to remove the stiches 10 days later and I ended up cutting them out with the very same scissors, that did the damage in the first place. Zac was completely unfazed. The vets I use to work with found the whole story hysterical, because I kept saying I was the worst mom ever and I should never be allowed to reproduce.

One last thing I promise. While in the Vet Tech program, we had to learn how to express anal glands, hands down the smelliest job there is. So there I am with the dog on the table and another student restraining for me. I had on a rubber glove slathered in KY (its water soluble) and I am lifting the dogs tail for entry. I couldn’t resist. I looked around to the dog and said, “now turn your head and cough.” I was the only one who laughed and I couldn’t get anyone to work with me for the rest of the semester.

Sorry so long, but truly, your dog has NO idea you’re an idiot (you’re not, by the way) no matter how much you might feel like one.

God i love dogs. I love love love love dogs. I cant own one here in baltimore because i wouldnt impose a moving, time pressed, college student lifestyle on anything i cared so much for. (my pet peeve is this: people who dont relize that they are buying A LIVING BREATHING BEING who will depend on them UTTERLY for upwards of ten years.i get very angry.i get very sad. :() I owned a rotweiller lab mix who was nearly ninety pounds before she was a year old. Cutting her nails was hillarious. She was an orphan i picked up because i thought i could handle re-socializing her, and i knew that she would just be euthanized if i left her with the squalling family of ten i found her with. She shaped up to be the sweetest, idiosycratic, nutcase of a dog i have ever owned. I suspect she thought my trimming her nails was some sort of amusing game i had devised just for her. I say this because she never seemed put out by the actual trimming, it just took eternity to get her to chill out and stop stalling. By stalling i mean she would lay quiet and look at the nail clippers suspicously, then gently start nosing her way down her leg to her paws. When she got to me and the clippers, she would sniff at her foot gently, and then calmly, unobtrusively, would open her mouth and try to snatch the clippers out of my hand. She always waited for the moment when i wasnt actually cutting anything. It amused me when she would do this so i let it go. Sure. it took me longer to clip her nails but i was signifigantly more relaxed after clipping her than my other dog (an aussie) due to the amounts of bemused laughter that ensued.