Ukraine has tonight attacked the naval shipyard in Sevastopol.
Coincidence?
I think at this point, Ukraine must consider Starlink unreliable at best, and might consider Elon Musk a hostile foreign agent at worst.
You all just don’t appreciate how much Elmo has contributed to Ukraine, and how he bravely and singlehandedly saved the world from a nuclear holocaust.
In all seriousness, maybe this is Elmo looking at every possible way to deescalate the war by taking his good Malaysian pal’s advice to punish Ukraine by turning off their Starlink in retaliation for the Ukrainian attack. It certainly wasn’t to interfere with this attack on Sevastopol, the Ukrainians clearly learned to not rely on Starlink and Elmo not shutting it off after last year’s attacks on Sevastopol.
And I’ll just reiterate how disgusting it is that Russia is using ships from the Black Sea Fleet to attack Ukrainian port infrastructure and grain storage silos with cruise missiles to disrupt food distribution to the poorest countries in the world.
As long as they can’t pass the pencil test, I don’t think Elmo’s too worried about them.
What would it take, legally, for the U.S. government to seize control of Starlink in the name of national security?
Outside of wartime? They could probably claim eminent domain over the company, but they’d still have to pay fair market value for it, and it’d probably be tied up in the courts for years (or until Elmo is required to testify under oath at which point he’ll cave immediately).
I’m just saying, governments really don’t like it when their own citizens conduct their own private foreign policies. I’m sure they have legal or other measures in place to prevent cases like this.
In the US that would be the Logan Act, but I’m no big-city lawyer so I don’t know whether it applies to Elmo’s antics.
Truer words have never…wait, what?
Tsarlink:
Dang. He and Traitor Tan the Conman are reading from the same playbook.
That’s what happens when you’re on the same team.
Not necessarily Twitter but another venture -Neuralink.
It’s The Onion but in the American Voices section which is real news.
“You would think a billionaire could afford nicer monkeys.”
CODY ZWEGAT, NUTRITION LABELER
“Some people will find a reason to complain no matter how old the monkeys you torture are.”
SERGIO ABADI, GUNK SCRAPER
“I can think of at least 20 better uses for a dying monkey.”
ALAINA FOSTER, SHOW PROMOTER
Huh. The only Pencil Test I’d encountered before involved whether you should wear a bra.
How does that work?
At least Musk is aware that people are calling him a supervillain:
My, it sure is good timing that Elmo just clarified his citizenship by announcing anyone criticizing him is committing treason.
Since this is the Pit, where we go off on wild tangents all over the place (but hopefully not too excessively!) I cannot resist posting this entry from the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Collection. I think it won at least some sort of runner-up prize: 
Her pendulous breasts swung first to the left, then to the right and finally in independent directions, much like semaphore signals, and although he couldn’t understand semaphore, Kyle was sure they were saying, “Never ride the Tilt-A-Whirl with your grandma.”