Ain’t there a Beano product for this?
Gas-X?
Charcoal panty liners?
The first (and only) time we took our dog to the sea shore, she quickly gobbled up a big chunk of seaweed before we could stop her. There were no lasting ill-effects, except her farts smelled like low tide for the rest of the day.
One of the current food writers (I think Michael Pollan but I am not 100% sure) says the way to eat healthy is to mostly follow this simple guidance: Eat real food you cook yourself, not too much.
This is generally what I do, but of course “everything in moderation, including moderation.” I eat out from time to time, buy Girl Scout cookies every year, and allow myself 3-4 bags of Cheetos/year.
Also, it is much easier to follow the above rule if you genuinely enjoy cooking and tasting interesting foods. Then it becomes part of the hobbies that add joy to your life, rather than something requiring a load of self discipline. I feel bad for people who hate cooking - I mean, if they’re happy, why should I care? But it seems like enjoying making your own food is a pretty good pathway to at least some life satisfaction.
Sorry, I only remembered the OP mentioned being vegetarian after I suggested this. You can buy raw nori seaweed. Maybe that would still contain some viable bacteria.
It sounds a bit like the main sentiment from one of his earlier books, In Defense of Food: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
That book and The Omnivore’s Dilemma were actually what got me started on this journey, nearly two decades ago, along with the very informative Becoming Vegan and the soul-crushing Diet for a Dead Planet — a good read if you ever feel like losing all hope in humanity.
Fun aside: In a past life, during college, I was part of the Slow Food movement and a local manifestation of it, “CoFed”. We were a network of University of California and California State University students who tried to change the schools’ food networks, trying to source more from local farmers and producers instead of Sysco, and trying to get students, staff, and faculty more involved in the whole journey from harvest to preparation to the ritual of dining to the composting of food scraps afterward. We saw some initial success, with a few food trucks & restaurants opening up, generated a lot of excitement, sourced from local farmers and cooperatives to get much of the produce, etc. Michael Pollan came and gave a talk too.
At the time, I was a strong believer in whole foods. We got the majority of our food from the local CSA farm and made amazing meals with 4-6 ingredients. Ate and felt great.
But that was also when time still seemed infinite, and spending an hour biking to the CSA and back, prepping and cooking for another two hours, and enjoying a potluck with friends all night was a totally reasonable thing to do two or three times a week.
Fast forward to mid-adulthood, and it’s much harder to keep that up, especially when there’s just two of us and a $4 powder and a TV show are easily within reach 
I definitely miss the communal living feel of college environments and cooking for 15-20 people on Friday afternoons. It’s just hard to keep that going in, well, “industrialized” life. It’s a common gripe shared by Pollan, the Dead Planet author, Barbara Streisand, many others, and well, also Ted Kaczynski. It’s just not a healthy way for any of us to live, but it’s so hard to break out of.
One of my former colleagues quit his job as a computer programmer and became a farmer instead. I’m inspired and more than a little jealous. Maybe someday…
I have nothing to contribute on the prevention side of things, but I’ve found candles effective for those gassy blobs that never seem to dissipate on their own. The candles don’t need to be scented, and even something like a tea light seems to make quick work of it.
Fun idea! I’ll try that next time.
<first makes sure home insurance is still active>
Oh… and happy birthday!
Oh thank you - I didn’t realize there would be a little icon next to my name!