Nurse, Doctors: Need help, please

In My Humble Opinion
21

I just thought I would update this whole situation. I flew down a couple of weeks ago and the situation was pretty tense. My son and his wife were in stand-off mode. She was angry with him for lying to her. He was in early detox, so had shakes and sleeplessness and anxiety attacks. The anti-depressants hadn’t been on board long enough, so he was having mood swings. He was also having no luck with the state getting into an inpatient program.

I was only there a week, but accomplished a lot. I got him hooked up with an attorney who will talk to the Board of Nursing and represent him in the criminal matter (which turns out to be a misdemeanor). I brokered a peace between him and his wife by talking to them separately and then together on several occasions. It was all pretty intense, but I think we accomplished a lot.

It’s now two weeks since I was there. After three weeks trying to get into an inpatient program, he was finally told, ‘well, if you’ve been clean for three weeks, you’re already detoxed’. So he’s now going to Narc-anon meetings and looking into outpatient programs. Says he’s off the stuff and will never return to it. I believe him. This has been a life-altering experience for him: I think he looked over the edge and saw the abyss that his life could become.

He calls me regularly, his speech is clear and his thinking is organized. It’s good to have him back.

22

[QUOTE=Chefguy]
Says he’s off the stuff and will never return to it. I believe him. This has been a life-altering experience for him: I think he looked over the edge and saw the abyss that his life could become.
[/QUOTE]

That’s all great stuff you’ve done! You’re a good dad.

But please please please please don’t believe that he’s happily all done with drugs.

He may be completely sincere, but if he doesn’t take his continuing recovery very very very seriously, and make his continuing abstinence his first priority every day, his risk of relapse is very, very high.

QtM, who very sincerely swore over and over that he looked over the edge and saw the abyss and would never return to drugs again, but did relapse waaaay too many times, with horrible consequences, before finally finding continuing sobriety.

PS: You’ve done a fine thing for him and helped give him some good, orderly direction, and I am sure you’ll continue to support him in this. But know that the job is now in his hands.

23

[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan]
That’s all great stuff you’ve done! You’re a good dad.

But please please please please don’t believe that he’s happily all done with drugs.

He may be completely sincere, but if he doesn’t take his continuing recovery very very very seriously, and make his continuing abstinence his first priority every day, his risk of relapse is very, very high.

QtM, who very sincerely swore over and over that he looked over the edge and saw the abyss and would never return to drugs again, but did relapse waaaay too many times, with horrible consequences, before finally finding continuing sobriety.

PS: You’ve done a fine thing for him and helped give him some good, orderly direction, and I am sure you’ll continue to support him in this. But know that the job is now in his hands.
[/QUOTE]

No dewy-eyed optimist here. We had many talks about living in the moment, living life a day (or a minute, if necessary) at a time, and working damned hard at finding the reasons behind the dependency. He wants to continue in the medical field, but not where he’s in contact with narcotics; perhaps radiology or something of that nature. Whenever he would wander off into the future and talk about what he was going to do about blahblahblah, I would jerk him right back into the present and make him look into the mirror of his life to see who it was that is responsible for his present predicament and who it is that will have to get him out of it.

He was frustrated by rehab facilities that kept telling him, no, we don’t put you in a room and lock all the doors. I asked him: who is it that has to make this work? Locking the doors means that they’re making your life decisions for you instead of you doing so. I could see the realization on his face that nobody but him was going to fix this for him. So here’s hoping.

24

[QUOTE=Chefguy]
No dewy-eyed optimist here. We had many talks about living in the moment, living life a day (or a minute, if necessary) at a time, and working damned hard at finding the reasons behind the dependency. He wants to continue in the medical field, but not where he’s in contact with narcotics; perhaps radiology or something of that nature. Whenever he would wander off into the future and talk about what he was going to do about blahblahblah, I would jerk him right back into the present and make him look into the mirror of his life to see who it was that is responsible for his present predicament and who it is that will have to get him out of it.

He was frustrated by rehab facilities that kept telling him, no, we don’t put you in a room and lock all the doors. I asked him: who is it that has to make this work? Locking the doors means that they’re making your life decisions for you instead of you doing so. I could see the realization on his face that nobody but him was going to fix this for him. So here’s hoping.
[/QUOTE]

Good to hear.

For me, the reasons for my dependency were that I had the untreated disease of addiction. Once that was treated appropriately (with me being a fully active and willing participant) I got well. Of course, I had to deal with an honest appraisal of all my human foibles and character defects, and get motivated to do something about them, but that just helps me stay clean, it doesn’t cure me of the disease of addiction.

Lots of folks get better without inpatient rehab. AA and NA are what many folks use to get and stay clean and sober. But inpatient rehab can give one a ‘leg up’ on the process, sometimes speeding their journey into a more stable sobriety, and sometimes can give better outcomes, depending on the patient.

It’s probably best to keep well away from access to drugs early in recovery. But many folks with a strong recovery program in stage II recovery (generally where you’re at in 2 or 3 years of recovery) can and do come into close contact with mood-altering medications and can appropriately give them to patients without making themselves crazy or relapsing. Others don’t want to take that risk at all. (Theoretically I have tons of access to dangerous drugs at present, but I rarely put myself in a position to be near them, and then only when I must, for the need of the patient).

YMMV, as may that of your son, etc. This is just what I’ve gleaned from nearly 18 years of personal sobriety, 6 years of trying and failing to stay sober before that, helping my fellow addicts, both in and out of treatment centers and meetings, and having thousands of patients who also have the disease of addiction.

25

This is good news, but cautious optimism is the best course right now. QtM speaks wisdom, as always. One day at a time.