One time I went off on a particularly annoying company and the woman behind the phone started sobbing. That made me feel kind of bad… for oh say 3 seconds. I said “Just don’t call me, please” and hung up. Never again was I bothered. Try it sometime.
Fuck, after I post it never seems clear enough. Try making them cry I mean.
Comedian Jim Florentine has a whole CD of his conversations with telemarketers. It’s a bit sophmoric, but that’s right up my alley as a young jackass.
Since I only have a cell phone and no land line in my apt., I rarely get telemarketers, but when I do get calls, I try things such as:
- change the subject incessantly
- keep interrupting them mid-sentence with “what” or “huh”
- feigning tourette’s syndrome
Disclosure - I used to work in a similar job as elfbabe so I feel that I am warranted to fuck with telemarketers as much as possible. But, honestly, what’s the big fuckin’ deal when they call you? Man, if they hadn’t wasted 2 minutes of your time, you probably would’ve cured cancer by now.
oh, and also:
4) after the first pitch, say “mmmm, you sound hot” - this normally throws them off pretty good
Good suggestion. Pennsylvania residents can sign up right now for PA’s no call list. It dramatically reduced the unwanted calls I receive. I think some other states may have similar lists.
I get those hang-ups up to several times a day- very annoying. Lately I’m battling the local police donation folks. They have called me three times a day on occasion. Yesterday I hung up on the asshat (I said asshat- he he) and he called me right back. I’m suspicious that my hang ups are from them. You would think that aas many times as they have called, I could remember the organizations name.
My roommate’s bank keeps making “courtesy calls” and she is never home, so I keep saying “I’m sorry, she’s not in just now,” which is exactly what I would say if she was, but she’s not, so it’s pretty funny to hear them getting exasperated.
Once someone called and asked to speak to “the man of the house.” I was actually stunned into silence.
Viagra salesman?
I got a call this week from a telemarketer, who greeted me with “hey, Velma, how’s it going?” leading me to believe he was someone I knew and just didn’t recognize. He caught me off guard with this and then went into how he was from a police charity I had previously donated to and could they count on me again this year? I did give in and say I would donate, but then after I hung up I realized the way they call is very misleading, and when I got my info in the mail to send in my money I realized they were not even the same charity I thought they were. Does anyone know what will happen if I just ignore them and don’t donate after all? I’m not actually “Committed” to pay them am I? Are they going to keep calling me until I do?
I get tons of sales calls a day, many hang ups. We have caller ID, so we just don’t pick them up. Occasionally I do, and tell them to take us off their list, but for some reason, the ones I pick up are always rude and bitchy sounding, and often hang up the second I say that they’re not home. We’ve gotten 20 calls a day before, now it’s down to 4-6 ish, but still it’s qiote annoying.
Any organization that does telemarketing is aware that not every pledge is going to be fulfilled. They might call and check up on you, might not. I work for two different companies – with one of them, I have no idea what the policy is regarding pledges, and with the other, it’s the responsibility of each individual caller to chase down unfulfilled pledges. It would have to be a big enough pledge to be worth my while – if it’s just $25, I won’t bother.
Thanks. I don’t normally back out of a commitment, but I am irritated with them. Maybe I’ll donate the pledged amount to another charity instead.
We get a lot of TM calls here at my office. Always on a predictive dialer. And the TM’s ALWAYS say “hellOOOOOOO???” in a really annoyed voice after the three second lapse, as IF it’s OUR FAULT that we can’t hear them!
I mean, I’ve worked in and managed TM’s (had to pay for college somehow, sorry everyone) and that is just plain shitty training and follow-up. And it seems to be the norm lately.
I’ve also made the mistake of responding in Spanish (I’m a native English speaker) to TM calls made to my home in Spanish. After three calls and three times telling them that the person they wanted didn’t live there, I found myself one night at almost 10:00 screaming at this poor girl in Spanish!!! My neighbor must have thought I was nuts!
I’ve been getting those hang-ups, too…maybe it’s spreading to Europe.
I was getting a little bit peeved that my stalker didn’t even bother to breathe heavily into the phone. 
Oy vey. Do we have to have this conversation again??
Sometimes it’s no big deal to answer the phone. If a telemarketer called right now, it would be no trouble to pick up the phone and tell them to fucko off. The phone’s right next to me on the desk.
But 15 minutes from now, I’m going to be on the bed nursing my baby. And I’m recovering from a separated pelvis. So, to get the hungry bug off of my boobie and roll over to get at the phone, which is now kept on the floor to keep the baby from playing with in when he’s on the bed…that’s a big deal. I can’t just let the machine get it, as I am expecting an important call. So, if the phone rings and it turns out to be a telemarketer…or worse, one of these telemarketer hang-ups…well, you can see what the “big fuckin’ deal” is.
You might want to consider that it is not always easy for people to pick up the phone.
I get the “Hello?” telemarketers all the time, so now if I say “Hello?” and someone says “Hello?” back to me, I just hang up.
In Massachusetts, it is now illegal for telemarketers to block caller ID. The 800 number is probably a way around that. This also explains why they say they are a group of “charities” (which they may or may not be) - charities are exempt from many of the telemarketing laws.
You should try saying in an evil gravely voice, “I am the god of my own making. The stars are aligned, soon you too shal know the world I live in. Let the word be spread, I LIVE.”
Granted the 6th or 7th time I did that I got a phone call back from a really helpfull gentleman.
What I’ve been getting lately is a recorded message with a number to call back. Of course these calls never come in during the business hours described in the message, so I will be forced to take time out of my day just to call them and ask them to knock it off. I keep forgetting, so the calls keep coming. Need to find something especially evil for this company.
I like the messages I keep getting on the answering machine, to the effect that someone who really cares about me has recommended me to a dating service.
I try to get those deleted before the wife comes home.