We have all been there…you’re sitting there eating dinner, on a long-distance phone call, or just having a one-armed bandit session when the phone rings. TELEMARKETER!!!
Although they are probably perfectly nice people with the worst job in the world, we all hate them. What is the worst way you have hung up on a telemarketer or simply toyed with them?
I enjoy telling them to hold on for just a moment and then leaving the phone off the hook while they wait for me to return…although it is more fun when you fabricate sexual noises in the background, and then return to the telemarketer out of breath.
My sister would sit there and listen to their whole spiel, mumbling “uh-huh” at the appropriate times. If she had to do something she’d hand the phone to someone else, who would continue the “uh-huhs”. When the spiel was over, sis would tell them no thanks and hang up.
My father will ask them before they get too far into their spiel, if the telemarketer is Catholic.
“What?”
“Are you Catholic?”
“Uh…yes.”
“I don’t buy from Catholics. Good-bye.”
or
“What?”
“Are you Catholic?”
“Uh…no, I’m not.”
“I only buy from Catholics. Good-bye.”
Personally, I just say "Please put me on your Do Not Call list. Stops them every time.
Yes, the logical thing to do is to stop them immediately and tell them to put you on their “Do Not Call List”. But, sometimes you just want to release the frustration brought on by all of the years of their pestering calls. I am not looking to find out how you got rid of them (you can do that by just hanging up) but how you got back at them.
I live with some one who makes it a point to creep them out, get them sick or drive them batty. He works nights and gets way too many of these during the day.
So, when I answer the phone and it’s one of them, I tell them in a really nice voice "Boy, are you GLAD you got ME on the phone. The other people living here think it’s a badge of honor to make people like you cry. I, on the other hand politely say, ‘I’m not interested, please take us off your list’ " THey always thank me and never call back.
I prefer THIS method to rude ones’ 'cause A. I really don’t enjoy being mean to people in general, but more seriously. B. My friend reamed one out, using every piece of profanity at his (large) disposal, then hung up. The telemarketer CALLED RIGHT BACK and said “Now that you’ve gotten THAT out of your system”…
My method, they NEVER call back
Don’t get me wrong. I do not agree in any situation of belittling a person, cussing them out, or scaring them in any way just for doing their jobs. But, there are ways to have fun with them without hurting anyone. Hell, you might even give them a funny story to take home with them.
Depending on my mood I either screw with them like crazy, or I get really nasty.
Once I hung up on a telefucker and he called me right back to bitch at me…so I blew a whistle into the phone, an Acme Thunderer, the kind traffic cops use. I only reserve that treatment for when they really piss me off.
Once one called my office phone at work, it was MCI trying to get me to switch. I said that it technically wasn’t my phone so I don’t pay the bill so I wasn’t authorized to switch companies, please take this number off your list. She went into this schpiel about how I had to get the phone lines owner to send a letter to take the number off her list. I got the address from her and her name and sent them…(I plead the fifth! Never mind what I sent them;))
There is a doper who calls himself “SATAN” who thinks my attitude towards telemarketers is unkind! Well, when you’re dealing with rat-bastards, you gotta use poison!:mad:
With today’s economy, I find it hard to believe that someone has to stick with what I’m pretty sure is not a high-paying job.
These people are annoying, and if they really minded being annoying, they should get another job.
Sure, there’s some people who may be living in places where it’s the only decent paying job, but considering all the telemarketers out there, I’d be surprised to learn that a significant percentage are “trapped” in that job.
Unless someone convinces me otherwise (and I won’t be with anecdotal stories about some bed-ridden cousin who can only be a telemarketer) I will forever consider these people fair game.
That said, I wish I could regale you guys with stories of how I so cleverly and wittily made them regret calling me. Unfortunately, I just say, “not interested, sorry” and hang up one them.
But if I ever think of anything, I won’t be stopped by sympathy for the asshole who disturbed my dinner to try and make me get a second mortgage on my home.
Actually, Revtim, telemarketers can earn quite a substantial income for relative few work hours. Plus, for single parents, the hours can be great. and for two parent households, even greater, you can work 3 hours in the early evening, be home in time to tuck 'em in at night and make up to 15 - 20 per hour (depending on your skill and the company).
A few years ago, I kept getting called by this singles dating service (Great Expectations?). I had good fun by saying I’m most interested in sex. The first girl to call me must have been a pro because she just casually said that there is a questionnaire you fill out and that is one of the questions. The other two got spooked though. One just hung up and the other got someone else to help her. I felt a little guilty after that and tod them not to call me anymore.
When I was in college I got a telemarketing call from someone trying to sell me a subscription to the Chicago Tribune (I went to school in southern Illinois, over 200 miles from Chicago).
Last winter my company was doing some night audits at a large hospital. One night I walked through the entrance and noticed the pay phone was ringing…it was a telemoran selling subscriptions to the Milwaukee Journal newspaper. I asked a few questions like if it included the sunday edition. Then I agreed to subscribe. He said I would get billed later, but delivery would start immediately. I gave him “my” name and address…which I looked up in the phone book that was hanging on the phone booth. He seemed extremely happy to have made a sale! He thanked me and we hung up. The name and address I gave him was the editor of the Milwaukee Journal and it’s office address! The stupid fuck!
Put the name of a pet on a catalog or something so that your pet’s name gets entered into the big book o’ people to call. So when they call and ask for your dog/cat/bird/fish/gerbil whatever you can say something like, “Oh ____ isn’t available now, he/she’s in the backyard taking a whizz” or some other pet related activity.
I am a teen, and have my own phone in my room; my own line. Unfortunately, my number is the exact same number as Holiday Inn, Las Vegas. I get calls at all hours, and I take reservations. It’s fun.
But for real telemarketers who purposely call me, I sexily ask them what they are wearing, and many of them are the same sex as me, male, so it makes it funnier.
Or ask them if they know what the best way to hide bodies is.
Act like you are in the same company as them. Say something like this:
You: Hello?
Them: Hello. This is (so-and-so) from (such-amd-such a company).
You: Oh really? What city?
Them: Um, (wherever).
You: Oh wow, I didn’t know they had offices there. I’m in the Seskatchewan unit. Well, you know the company policy against the selling of our products to fellow employees. Goodbye. CLICK
Possibly the funnest one would be to reverse the situation and try to sell them something without letting them get a word in edgewise.
I have several stock answers. They don’t get the person off the phone, but they inspire some interesting reactions.
Q: Is Mrs.[my last name] at home?
A: I don’t know. She lives in Canada. Why don’t you call her and find out?
Q: Is this Mrs.[my husband’s last name]?
A: No. I’m Mr. _____'s mistress. The wife is in Vegas with her boyfriend.
I seem to have a child-like voice:
Q: Is your mother home?
A: No. (sobbing) She left three days ago and I’m hungry. When will she come back?
And when my parents lived in Europe:
Q: This is the Kitchener-Waterloo Record. Is your mother home?
A: No.
Q: Do you have a number where can I reach her?
A: Yes. It’s 01151492852. But remember that they’re 9 hours ahead of us.
I just can’t bring myself to be any nastier than that to telemarketers. Jehovah’s Witnesses, on the other hand…
One of my favorite things to do (it sometimes works) is to keep cutting the telemarketer off by saying “I don’t have any money.” Before they even have time to tell me what they are selling. A few times they have just said good bye and hung up right away. Other times they need to be told several times, each time more emphatically, that I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY.
I get a lot of junk calls. I probably got on some call lists because of my internet activities. (I register for new programs, I own an domain name, etc.) I almost always go by my initials only (as my “first name”) and I think that a lot of these businesses just assume I am male. So when they call, they ask “May I speak to Mr. So-and-so?” Well, that’s obviously not me. The last Mister So-and-so in my family was my late father. So whenever some telemarketer calls asking for “Mister”, I bluntly say in a flat tone, “He’s dead.” There is always an awkward silence after that, sometimes an apology. (I don’t mean to be cruel, but seriously, they don’t need to be asking to talk to my dead father, now do they?)
Telemarketers are just doing their job. I think it’s pretty crummy that you guys delight in trying to make their lives miserable.
Here’s the trick. Three 'no’s. That’s what their training is. If they continue after 3, then by all means. Have a field day. Otherwise, try to have a little humanity.
For those automatic machines, call back and leave a dozen blank messages… long ones.
