The setting: Thursday night, after a long day at work dealing with two stupid people, and around 125 fairly intellegent bipeds.
The phone rings, and I see the code word for Telemarketer is on the Caller ID “Out of Area”. I had time and some agression to release, so I picked up and repeated a nonsense word until someone said “Hello?”. I then launched into a really weird accent, and the strag on the other end of the line claimed to be from Chase Manhattan Bank (last time they called, it turned out that they actually weren’t, but they just claim to be) and wanted to talk to Wonko The S…S…Sane. “Is this Wonko the Sane?” he asked, and I countered with a fairly standard “What is the nature of this call?” He countered with “This is the guy who made the poor carreer choice from Chase Manhattan Bank, and I need to speak to Wonko the Sane”
My response?
“I’m sorry, he’s on the phone pretending to be someone else right now.”
He said he would call back.
One would think, that after several calls being made by this lackluster company in Tennesee, that my other responses of “well, I’ve been ‘chased’ all day, and I’m exhausted” and other such gems, they would figure out that I’m a waste of time.
I usually let our cats do the talking for me whenever a telemarketer begs me to enter for a free trip to the Poconos when I purchase aluminum siding or gutter guards for our apartment. But I think I’ll have to give your method a try.
Lately I’ve been asking the telemarketers if they would like to make a tax deductable donation to MY foundation. I’ve been getting some great responses. One lady said she always gives to charities, but she wasn’t allowed to do so while she was at work. She refused to give me her home phone number, though. Another person just kept going on with his spiel and every time he paused, I’d ask again. He finally hung up (I win!).
I like to put them by my computer speakers, especially if I’m playing a game with lots of gunfire, explosions, and screams. I like to see how long they’ll sit there listening to CounterStrike, shouting, “HELLO? HELLO?” Or I put on some speedmetal and see how long they can last. Or some uncensored rap. I’m flexible like that.
If Spam advertisements actually worked, then we would all own multiple homes, thanks to all those low interest mortgage rates. We would also have 7 foot long penises AND 56EE breasts. (At the same time). Pretty spiffy!
My calls usually go like this:
Telemarketer:“Hello, Mr NutWrench. How are you tonight?”
Me: “Fine, thanks.” <click>
Me: “Hey honey! Someone just called to find out how I was tonight. That sure was nice of him.”
I wish I’d gotten someone as funny as you during the three weeks I worked as a telemarketer. Most people just think they’re funny. It’s rather annoying. You, on the other hand, are brilliant.
You know, if they’re polite and don’t try to push it when I say no, then I wish them a nice day. I figure that telemarketing is their job, and so long as they’re not being rude and pushy about it, no need to curse and insult them.
Lately, when seeing the dreaded “Out of Area” pop up on the caller ID, I’ve been answering “Vandalay Industries.” When the TM asks for me or my SO, I just respond, “I’m sorry, this is Vandalay Industries. We make latex. While we’re talking though, would you like to buy any large quantities of latex?”
I agree with Monica, I always feel guilty putting the phone down on them, because I can imagine how it feels to be in a job like that, no matter how annoying it is.
