Wow. I used to get telemarketers who would call, and straight off the bat ask “may I speak to your mommy or daddy?” because, I suppose, I must sound young. This thread made me realize that I haven’t received a call like that in quite a while. Made my day! 
It almost makes up for being mistaken for 12 on occasion. mumbles something about how not many 12-year-olds have a figure like mine
Anyway, telemarketer story: I just have fun fending off the Bally’s people. My dad has this quirk where he’ll cancel a credit card or otherwise muck around with a company he feels is billing him unfairly. True, it isn’t the best for his credit rating, but he seems to get more of a kick out of messing with people trying to rip him off (in his estimation) than preserving his credit. So, after getting 3 calls a day from the Bally’s people every time I visit home, I asked him recently “uhhhh, did you perchance sign up with Bally’s?” He’s pretty business-savy, and I couldn’t contemplate him signing up for one of those three-years-and-your-soul deals they have going. Turns out he enrolled a few years ago, and payed monthly and in CASH. Now it sounds like my dad. But somehow he cancelled and they didn’t, and now they are calling.
I had to get pretty creative about all the calls. He literally never answers his home phone, just his cell. He uses the landline like a spam-magnet e-mail address. I answer it because you never know what zany thing you’re going to hear if you pick it up. But now it’s always Bally’s. It would be the same two or three sales people, chick in the morning, guy in the evening, I forget who in the middle of the day. I knew it was them, they knew it was me, and we’d say the same things to each other. In the past I’ve tried explaining to people on that line, “no, my dad is not available, and he’ll never be available. An act of Og could not get him to pick up this phone, and I’m sure as hell not even going to try.” That never worked. So with Bally’s, we all just humor each other.
ring
Me: Hello?
MorningChick or EveningGuy: Hello, is mister (at first butchered, but improved with practice, dad’s name) available?
Me: No he isn’t, may I take a message?
MCoEG: Certainly, please tell him that MCoEG called from Bally’s, and we need to talk to him as soon as possible regarding his membership. We can be reached at (phone number) from (hours) to (hours).
Me: Uh huh… uh huh… uh huh… (appropriate pauses to imitate someone who is writing something down)
MCoEG: (skeptical and disillusioned) Did you get all that?
Me: Yup!
MCoEG: Thank you, goodbye.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
