Odd Things You've Heard Little Kids Say

In My Humble Opinion
41

When I was in high school, I earned my spending money by baby-sitting. I had a family that I sat for regularly - every Thursday night. When I first started sitting for them, there was only Darling Girl #1, she was about 5. The first time I sat for her, she pitched a major hissy fit as her parents left. This involved screaming, crying, begging, tugging on legs, pounding on the floor in tears, the works. As soon as they had driven away, she turned and looked at me, and in a perfectly calm voice asked, “Cookies?”

After a while, Darling Girl #2 made an appearance. One evening when she was about 18 months old, I was talking with her parents as they were on their way in or out, I don’t remember, but the door was open and I didn’t want her running out onto the mean streets of Chicago. So, we were talking and I was holding DG#2. She asked, “geddown?” (may I please get down?) I just jiggled her on my hip, since I was talking. We repeated this several times. Finally, she turned and looked straight at me with the most disdainful expression possible on the face of a chubby 18 month old girl with big brown eyes and ringlets and said, scornful at having to explain such a simple concept, “geddown me!” I laughed so hard I nearly dropped her.

A year or so later, DG#2 was exploring her femininity in front of a full-length mirror. Wearing nothing but panties, she paced back and forth, exploring herself from every angle. She turned and studied her derriere thoughtfully. Then, she marched straight up to the mirror and said, “Hi! My name is [Darling Girl #2] and I’m a girl!” Then she gave the mirror a big smacking kiss, and was satisfied.

42

Are you sure the kid is wrong? :slight_smile:

43

I love my daycare provider!

My four-year-old daughter is frequently telling me how things are done or not done (Light’s green, Mommy, you can go! Some people turn on red, Mommy. Mommy, you aren’t supposed to say ‘butt’.) At any rate, while we were driving to Mary’s (daycare) the other day, I saw the largest squirrel I had ever seen. Since Kat loves animals of all varieties, I wanted to point it out to her:

Hey Kitty, look at that fat squirrel in the driveway!

To which she replied:
You’re not supposed to say “fat”, Mommy. You’re supposed to say “pretty”.
Amen, little sister :slight_smile:

44

My parents have a house on the Chesapeake Bay. One summer day, my two year old, the son of a doctor and a science teacher, was at the end of the dock with a fish net, scooping up one of the many jellyfish swimming in the water. We had warned the boys to be very careful of the tenticles, as they could get stung if they touched them. So my two year old scoops up a big ol’ jellyfish and the tenticles were all wrapped around the net and its handle. He shouts up to the house in an extremely loud voice, “Mommy, come look at the jellyfish TESTICLES!” Didn’t know until then that jellyfish HAD testicles.

45

My stepdad told me, that when I was 5, he walked into the room to find me sliding across the floor. I happily told him,‘Look Pop! They sent me slippers in the mail and they fit just right!’ Sliding, because I had stuck the samples of menstrual pads to the bottoms of my feet.

I was 9 when I was walking thru’ a parking lot on my way home, when I caught up with this guy & walked along with him. We exchanged hellos & I came out with,‘You look alot like my psychiatrist.’ He answered,‘I am your psychiatrist.’—looking back I’m glad it was him & not just some random person. Kindof odd.

46

I volunteered at a preschool in a not-so-great neighborhood last year. Two stories for yall.

Jamila, a 4 year old African American girl, and I were playing outside waiting for her dad to show up. We were discussing the summer, and how much fun it was. Suddenly she says “In the summer, I turn chocolate brown.”
“I see,” says Brooke.
“Kahlil (her brother) turns Spanish Brown.” She looks at me, daring me to say something about race, an issue she has talked to me about before.
“In the winter, I am pasty white. But sometimes in the summer I am lobster red.” I said. Jamila fell over laughing. I said exactly what she had been thinking.

Another boy, Ohm (sp?), was from Egypt. He was just starting to feel comfortable with English, but still spoke with an accent, and spoke VERY fast. He had many brothers, but his oldest brothers were Mohommed and Ahkmad. But when Ohm announced one day that “Mohommed-a-Ahkmad” were walking him home, the other teacher and I turned to each other, smiled and asked him to repeat himself. “MohommedaAhkmad!” he said, even faster. Too cute.

47

I am NEVER having children. I don’t embarrass well.

48

—When I was in grade 2, I was in art class. I got up to dump my paint water and replace it with clean water. As I was walking past another table, I heard Greg ? say, “It smelled like a sick moose going to the bathroom.”

To this day, I still want to know what “it” was, and how he knew so much about moose (we were in north Jersey). But I didn’t ask; being a little kid at the time, I knew that by the time I got back with my clean water, he would already have forgotten what he’d been referring to.

—When I was about 5, my mom and sister always cringed when they had to take me to the mall or any department store, because they knew I couldn’t be stopped from doing my thing of walking up to any mirror that was low enough to reflect me, saying “Hello me”, and kissing my image. As near as I recall, I’d done it once purely on impulse, and every incident afterward was for effect. It did get reactions, though.

—When my nephew “Brad” was about 3, we were in a strip mall, on the sidewalk. A large woman was approaching us, and he pulled at my hand, saying, “San Diego! San Diego! (his pronunciation of ‘Sandy’)”. My sister and I tried to shush him, thinking he was going to comment on her size. He wouldn’t be silenced, however, and finally squawked out, “Her hair is your color!” Which it was.

—Christmas. My mom and my aunt Jeannie were something like 10 and 6. My aunt had gotten a doll, and my mom was old enough to think that dolls were tired. She “pointed out” (the way she tells it, although I imagine some ‘nyahhs’ were pronounced) that Jeannie’s doll had no toes. Jeannie replied haughtily, “I don’t care; Mamma’s going to buy me some toes!”

49

When he was about three, my son pointed to a purple mark on his leg where he’d bumped it. “Look, mama, I have a broo.”
“Don’t you mean you have a ‘bruise’?” I asked.
“No, I only have one.”

When I was about the same age, my family went to the barn where my sister kept her horse. I wandered off to explore and returned carrying an enormous dead rat in my arms. I said, “Look, mama! I found a kitty cat!”
I was extremely upset that they wouldn’t let me keep it.

When I was about a year old, my mom and I went to lunch at her friend’s house. This woman had worked all morning to prepare a delightful, dainty lunch. I looked at the food on my high chair tray and announced, “I’m not gonna eat any of this crap!”

When my oldest son was three, my husband and I were in a store with him when a man wearing a black cowboy hat walked in. (We live in Texas.) My son screeched in fright and yelled, “That bad man is going to shoot me!”

50

OMG, Holly! You’ve made me think of one of Mr. Rilch’s anecdotes! When he was pre-school age, and living in Upper St. Clair, PA, the doorbell rang and his dad got up to answer it. Now St. Clair was and is a well-heeled bedroom community, to which African-Americans just don’t gravitate. Well, little Mr. Rilch toddled after his dad to see who was at the door, and when he saw that the guy on the porch was black!, he turned and shrieked, “Mommy! Mommy, Flip Wilson’s at the door! Flip Wilson!” Poor Joe Random Black Guy, having to hear that. I hope it didn’t sting him too much.

Also, at about the same time, little Mr. Rilch was at a doctor’s office with his mom. She was ready to leave, and started buckling him into his car seat, which he hated. In similarly shrill tones, he begged, “Don’t belt me, Mommy! Don’t belt me!” MIL looked around at the other patients and the staff, then gathered up her son and her dignity and scurried out.

51

I’m a pre-k teacher, so I hear lots of funny stuff. What strikes me about a lot of these posts is that people think that what kids say is odd, when in fact it’s exactly on par for the age of the child. Little kids see the world differently than us, and they don’t have the same “censors” that we have as adults and will say exactly what they think.
Sitting at lunch one day (the teachers sit at the same table with the kids), one of the boys was talking to me. He said, “I’m going to visit my second friend this weekend.” I said, “Oh, that sounds fun.” then he says, “She lives in a wood house but a wolf can’t blow it down.” I tried not to laugh, but then I realised that for him, that’s reality, because 4-year-olds can’t differentiate between a fairytale & reality.
One of my students was telling me that she saw ‘the Jim Carrey Grinch movie’. I asked her if she liked it and she said yes, but that it was a little scary. Another little boy standing nearby piped up, “Jim Carrey was in my house last night, and he scared me too! He was hiding under the tv!” I asked, “Did you tell him to get out of your house?” He looked at me and said, in all seriousness, “I kicked him in the nuts.” I told him not to talk like that in school, then I turned away and tried to stifle my laughter.
We were getting ready to go outside one day and one of the boys asked my co-worker when she was getting married (I got married in December of last year and told the kids about it & brought in pictures of the wedding). She said she’s been married for a long time. The boy asked, “What’s your boyfriend’s name?” She replied, “My husband’s name is Tom.”
The boy then asked, “Thomas the choo-choo train?” The whole class exploded with laughter. One of the girls piped up, “He couldn’t fit in a church!” My co-worker & I looked at each other and cracked up.
One of the boys in my class has trouble with the “th” sound.
Instead, he’ll come over to me and ask, “Miss Moggy, can you help me with this sting?” (thing) In November we learned about Stanksgiving. And I overheard him saying to one of his classmates, “Stanks, stanks a lot.”
One day one of the boys says, “Miss Moggy, I got a booger!” I turn around and he’s coming towards me with a HUGE green booger on the tip of his index finger. I said, “Go get a kleenex, I don’t want it!”
One of my co-workers that teaches another pre-k class told me that one day, one of her boys said to her, “I’m going to get my hair cut today by Robin. That’s Robin the person, not Robin the bird.”
Children sometimes switch word order in sentences. The kids in my class say “washer table” instead of “table washer” (that’s one of the jobs we give them). A friend told me that his daughter used to switch word order a lot also, and one day she came home from kindergarten and said, “Guess what, Daddy! Today we saw a strip film!”
I love kids. :smiley:

52

I was at the video arcade this afternoon, and when I started putting in tokens in one of the games, three kids around 6 to 10 came up to watch, because it was one of their favorites – a kill-the-zombies bloodfest. While I was shooting away, they offered their comments and suggestions, and one that I found a little disconcerting was that the girl, who I’d say was about 8, kept instructing me to “Shoot him in the weewee!”

53

I went to lunch with my parents this afternoon, and the people in the next booth had three children with them. The youngest one, probably 4 or 5, said hi to Mom and I, so we said Hi back. They boy’s older brother admonished him by telling him he’s not supposed to talk to strangers. The boy protested indignantly " I wasn’t talking to strangers! I was just talking to people I don’t know."

54

Easter morning, driving to services with my (then) husband and three children (4 yo son and 3 yo twin daughters). Son had been showing some reluctance about going to church, I assumed he didn’t like having to sit for any length of time. We’re about to pull into a parking space when he looks at me and very seriously askes “Mom, are you fattening us up for the kill?”

What the hell were they teaching that kid in Sunday School?

55

When my brother was about three, my parents decided to take us to the circus. I was excited about it, but my brother was terrified. Crying, screaming, did not want to go at all. When my mom asked why, he said “It’s the greatest show on earth, right?” She said that it was. “I don’t wanna go into outer space!” He knew that Earth was a planet and that planets were in outer space, but he didn’t realize that we lived on Earth.

56

A foster sister, Jenna, when about two-years old, would often hold her arms out to us and say “Pick you up?” (She meant she wanted us to pick her up, of course – but that’s close to what she’d heard us say to her, so…)
Once, while driving in the car, my foster brother David (three-years old) said to my mother: “Pat! Look! Burger King! Suppertime! Got any money?”

57

My nephew had one that was exactly like StephenG’s “pick you up?” At dinner, in his high chair, his parents would give him food a little at a time. After he finished with one helping he’d say, “Want more? Want more?” His father would reply, “You want some more corn?” He’d enthusiasticly reply, “Okay!”

Whenever he doesn’t like something he says, “I can’t want that!” His parents have picked that up and use it fairly often.

This one must have been mortifying for my mother. When my brother and I were aged about four and six we took a train trip. While waiting in the station for the train we saw what I believe were the first black people we’d ever seen. My mother says that one of us, I can’t remember which, said, “Look at the monkeys!” This incident is funny in an ironic sort of way, because there’s no bigotry in any of my family.

On that same trip we had a light-hearted incident on the way home. We met my father in Chicago and flew back home, I believe on a 737 airliner. After the plane had landed, was at the gate, and the engines were off, the plane was quiet while everyone waited for the captain to turn off the seat-belt sign. Suddenly, my brother yells out, “But dad! We didn’t drop any bombs!”

58

I frequently have to take my son to the Scottish Rite hospital in Dallas. This is a six hour drive with nothing but little cowtowns all along the way. Most of these towns are too small to have a McDonald’s, but every town has a Dairy Queen. Jake was about two and had fallen asleep for a few hours. He woke up, looked out the window, and saw a Dairy Queen. “Mom!” he hollered. “You already passed that place! You’re just driving around in circles!”

When my brother was little (late 1960’s), he asked mom what her favorite TV show had been when she was a kid. Mom replied, “We didn’t have a TV. It hadn’t even been invented yet.” He looked upset. “Then what did you watch the astronauts on???”

Actually, my son Jake has always been a barrel of laughs. When he was ten months old, because of his birth defects, he looked more like five months old and couldn’t even sit up without support yet. However, he is frighteningly smart and at 10 months he was speaking pretty fluently, which produced a surreal effect. We were in a restaurant with Jake propped in a high chair; the waitress came by and asked me what the baby would like to eat. The baby piped up and said, “I want a corndog, a coke, french fries, ketchup, and a napkin. And a straw. Please.” Man, you should have seen that poor woman’s face.

59

Oh my, where to begin,
When I was somewhere around four, I asked my mother if she would buy me some bosoms. She told me, that if I needed them, she would buy them. I wear a 34C. Needless to say, I’m not getting the boobs.

My nephew Jimmy is endlessly entertaining.
At 7, he was allowed to work on the computer, writing his own comic book. My sister asked him what it was going to be about, and he told her “It going to be about Danny and his PATHETIC life!” First we wondered where a 7 year old picked up the word ‘pathetic’ and secondly, his brother Danny was 5. How pathetic can a 5 year old life be!?

Around the same time, I was over at their house for dinner
(fish sticks, mac and cheese, and rolls) Jimmy removed all the inside breading of a roll and filled it with his leftover mac and cheese. He proudly showed this to my sister with the comment, “I betcha never seen one of THESE before” Of course she hadn’t.

Jimmy is now about 9. Recently after building some sort of weird sandwich, his father told him, that he could put whatever he wanted on it, but he had to eat it. Jimmy said,“don’t worry, this is only the prototype”

Our youngest sister just got married and is going to Paris for her honeymoon. The adults were discussing the travel plans, when out of no where Jimmy tosses out " Ah…Pahree…City of Lights…" HE’S NINE!

Maddie is the baby and she’s almost 5. Last year Maddie was sitting on the couch watching tv between my sister and Jim, Maddie’s dad. Jim kept reaching around my sister and poking Maddie. Apparently she had had about enough of this nonsense and leaned across my sister and said to her father “you want a piece of me?”

I have grown up with a lot of my parent’s friend’s kids, who are like cousins to me. My ‘cousin’ Rachel’s son Justin is a pip. He’s closing in on four, but not too long ago he was still referring to my parents as Uncle Jack and Uncle Marilyn.
My dad is balding (to put it mildly)and has a beard. One night after reading Justin a bedtime story, Justin reached up and touched my dad’s face asking what that thing was. My dad told him and after a few moments of touching it, Justin suggested, that my dad move it (the beard) to his head.

Last one…for now…
Justin now has a little sister Grace. As Rachel was taking Grace upstair to change her, Justin asked if he could PLEASE have some potato chips, and Rachel said, ‘ok, but just a couple.’ When she came back downstairs, there were pieces of chips everywhere, and very few left in the bag. Frustrated, she said, “Justin, I said A COUPLE!” at which point Justin asked, “What’s 'a couple”

60

My stepdad cringes when he tells about coming out of a restroom in a crowded restaurant and having his 3 yr old son shout across the room to him, "Hey dad–did ya go number one or number two?’

While riding with my father (who is very reserved and strait-laced) and I, my 4 yr old, out of the blue, says “Mom, I know that you and dad always have sex.” I thought my dad was going to run off the road.

We always let our 2 boys pay the check at the restaurant. One day when our youngest wanted to keep the tip, the oldest said, “No, Riley–it’s for the mattress!”. Everyone in the vicinity howled.