Tell me stories about kids saying inappropriate things.

Either your own or others you have watched, seen, come across.

Ah, kids. So unpredictable. You never know what they’re going to say next. And at times this can sometimes be pretty embarassing. Especially when they learn some of those NEW words they hear mommy or daddy or the kids at school say. Or maybe it’s not a curse but just something that…well, shouldn’t be said to others, like how fat someone is. Heh.
Me, I don’t have any kids myself, but there is one that lives a few doors down. He’s about 3 or 4.

Anyway, the neighbors next to them aren’t exactly…eh…the neatest people on the planet. While they don’t exactly live in a pigsty, they usually have clutter around. This can be seen everytime anyone passes by their windows, as their blinds are usually askew and, well, it’s not hard to miss (the mess, that is).

I was sitting outside the other day when the kid was playing with his toy trucks in front of his apartment when the male counterpart came out of said clutterplace. In passing the kid, really innocently, I might add, looks up and asks: “Why don’t you ever clean your apartment?”
I had to stifle a laugh and the guy didn’t seem to know what to say, being caught off guard, so he opted for the saying nothing routine and continued on his way.

Anyway, this story is pretty mild and tame, I’m sure, so tell me about your experiences. I, and I’m sure others, would have a fun time hearing and reading about them.

3-year-old friedo: Awww, sit!
friedo’s mom: friedo, it’s not nice to say that.
3YOf: Awww, shit!

Oh dear Og. When I was babysitting at, maybe 13-14, and my breasts had just started to come in, and I was a bit shy about them, the little kid I was babysitting jumped into my lap, patted my breasts, and said,

“Didi*, you have *two * stomachs! Why?”

*Didi is a respectful term for “older sister”, in our culture it’s used for all older girls who don’t fit into “Auntie”.

When I was five years old, my grandma told me that swallowing watermelon seeds would cause a watermelon vine to grow in my stomach. A few days after I received this information, my mother took me out shopping. When I saw a pregnant woman, I ran over to her, tapped on her belly, and announced “I know what you did to get that way.”

Fall camping trip and I’m squatting next to the fire arranging things with my poking stick*. My friend’s 8 year old walks behind me and says “Look at the bald spot on the back of Gary’s head!” Until then, I didn’t know I had a bald spot.


*The caveman’s equivalent of being the one holding the remote.

I was driving along with my oldest son, who was a toddler then. Apparently, he picked up on Daddy’s driving lingo. A car pulled out in front of me, or something, and from the back of the car, an angelic voice said:

Fucker!

When I was young my cousin’s baby was sadly still-born. Soon afterwards, when I saw her I asked “When the baby was born, was it covered in blood?” :eek:

She must have forgiven me, I ended up being her bridesmaid.

Another story:

I was over at my future-in-laws’ for the first time, and she said, "Let’s ask “Phopaji* about this!” And I said “Which one is Phophaji?” And she said “The bald one!” :smiley:

*A type of uncle.

A friend of mine was at the grocery story with her then-less-than-two-year-old daughter. Behind them in the checkout lane was a black lady. My friend’s daughter stared for a moment, then asked loudly, “Mommy, why is that lady so dirty?”

My BIL once sported an interesting hair style, spiky on top, rather long on the sides, not quite a mullet.

I guess this made quite an impression on Ivyboy, because once at a family gathering he piped up, “Uncle John, why do you have stupid hair?”

My nephew attended kindergarten at a Catholic school. As they learned the alphabet they played a game where the kids couldn’t enter the class without saying a word that began with the day’s letter.

Guess what my nephew said on F day?

Reminds me of a similar story involving my sister, at around that age.

The teacher was going over the alphabet, and asking kids to say words that started with the letter they were currently on. She got to “D” and my sister said, “Damn.”

The teacher says, “Oh, you mean that thing that holds back water.”

Sister says, “No I don’t.”

This apparently came up at the next parent-teacher meeting.

Dang, that just brought back something I hadn’t thought about in decades. At maybe 4 yrs. old (and never having met any black flok) I did something similar…It was also a grocery store checkout line. But it was man. Actually, at first I was just staring. My mom told me it wasn’t polite to stare. I asked “Is that man burned?” or something like that…I know for sure I thought he was charred.

He was REALLY cool about it. I remember him laughing (probably at my mother’s profound embarrasment) and being very nice. I don’t recall exactly what he said, but I remember him kneeling to my level and showing me the palms of his hands, (that he wasn’t ALL black) and explaining that some people were just born with black skin. My mother assured me this was true…very relieved that the guy was so cool about it.

So, whenI was told my (much older) cousin had a baby boy, I asked “What color is he?”. And since I’d forgotten that like, since it happened, it only now dawns on me how innappropriate the question was.

My husband did this as a toddler as well, except it was his late-teens older sister who was driving and “taught” him this lovely word. Their parents weren’t exactly thrilled.

I had a summer job babysitting for a pair of little girls. One was four and one was two. My youngest sister came along to help one day (after I had cleared it with the children’s mother, of course) as an apprentice. She wants to babysit, but nobody will hire her until she’s had some experience.

Anyway, that was a big hit. We had a blast and soon enough, my other sister wanted to come along. I cleared it with the mother and she came along. The older child, who is generally extremely outgoing, ran upstairs and hid when she saw my sisters. I went up to talk to her and remind her of what was going on.

me: Those are my sisters. You remember Hannah, right? she came with me last week. She went swimming with you. And the other one is Megan.

little darling: Megan has a ponytail?

me: well yes… they both have ponytails. Megan is taller and has blonde hair.

Little darling: and she’s fat?

me: :eek: well… uh… yes, but don’t say that to her.

My sister is, indeed, a big girl. But she’s also a teenage girl and is very sensitive about her weight. Later on, we were all outside playing, and Little Darling comes up to Megan, looks at her, and says, “why are you fat?”

I started off with the “[little darling]! that’s not nice!” and apologizing to Megan and such, positive that she would burst into tears. but she didn’t. She laughed and told the little girl “Some of us just look different, that’s all. Just like Ella is skinny and you’re Chinese.” The little girl seemed satisfied with that. She smiled proudly and said, “I’m Chinese 'cause I was born in China.” and continued playing.

Same situation but my friend’s daughter looks the lady right in the face and says

“We Don’t Like Black People!”

Heh, a few years ago, my friend and her husband brought their kids to a dude ranch, they had seen horses on TV, and begged and begged to go see real horses.

The youngest boy, about 4 years old, walked right up to the horse, did a double take, and said “WHOA, that’s the biggest penis I’ve ever seen! That penis is much bigger than yours, Daddy!”

When I was about three or four years old I did something similar to this, much to my mother’s embarassment. We had lived in a small rural community where I had never seen a black person before. We were at the state fair and I saw a black lady for the first time. I went up to her and loudly asked her, “Why is your face so brown?!

My poor mother must have felt mortified! :eek:

When my son was about two or three, while we were in the grocery store, he asked in his loudest voice, “After this, can we go watch the queers in the park?”

Of course, he thought he was saying squirrels.

Had some people round for dinner the other night, my wife’s colleague and her fiance, neither of whom I’d met. My daughter, nine, is showing them the hamsters, which they seem quite interested in.

“This one’s Mouthy-Mouth,” said Natty, “and his other name is Big Balls Man.”

Silence.