My friend Cassie relayed the following story to me yesterday (reprinted with permission):
*Heard this morning while getting ready for work:
“MMOOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYY Megan put a toy in her underwear and that is really GROSS!!!”
Accompanied by Megan singing a song about putting things in her underwear.
tears up
I’m SO PROUD…
(Now she’s trying to get her brother to put things in her underwear “Don’t be afraid!” … Okay, it’s funnier if you SEE it…)
Me: “Megan get dressed and stop telling your brother to put things in your underwear.”*
The last line just cracks me up - it’s just something you never expect to hear yourself saying - and yet you do.
So now my question to you, dear dopers:
What things have you recently heard yourself (or someone else say) that sounds totally ridiculous out of context, but makes perfect sense given the situation?
I think there have been several, but due to mommy-brain, I can only recall one:
"Thursday! Don’t pee on the lizard!"
(Thursday*, age 2, happened to be holding a little toy lizard while on the potty seat. As she was peeing, she thought it would be interesting to put the lizard in the potty. Hence my reaction…)
OK, maybe not exactly what you are looking for, but it’s still pretty funny.
My cousin, her husband, and their daughter were getting ready to go on a fairly long drive. As they were getting to the car, my cousin wanted to tell her husband to get their daughter’s cup of juice out of the fridge to bring along. But, if their daughter knew that the cup was in the car, she would want it right away.
So, to be sneaky, my cousin spelled it out, “Husband, get Daughter’s C - U - P in the fridge.”
To which daughter replied, “Daddy! I want to see you pee in the fridge!”
Last year, I was a second grade teacher’s assistant at a Catholic school. One of my duties was to watch the kids during recess. Unfortunately, none of the other staff on recess duty ever seemed interested in refereeing the daily touch-football games which occurred. This was unfortunate because, left to their own devices, two-hand touches with K-2 students quickly become shoving one another to the ground and then occasionally falling over the grounded classmate. Being a good Catholic, I felt guilty letting the kids maim one another, so I ended up being the ref for the football games. I quickly lost count of the number of times I shouted things like, “Two-hand touch like Jesus would two-hand touch!” at the top of my lungs across the sports field.*
Whenever I shouted it, I thought about this oh-so-inspirational statue and giggled a little to myself.
*FWIW, I did originally say things like “Be gentle with your tags.” The students debated about what constituted gentle, but I wouldn’t get any arguing when it came to asking them to two-hand touch like Jesus.
Ok - y’all have been so kind - I have to share another story - more in line with brewha.
One of my best friends was having a rough patch - so I had brought her over a survival pack: chocolate, gourmet coffee, bubble bath, sappy cards, zen music, etc. . . and a very soft-haired stuffed white gorilla.
Her 4-year old son called me later that day.
“Aunty Mel, me like that gorilla”
“Do you, hun? Y’know that was for mommy though.”
“Yes, but I just hugging it. It’s so soft - tonight? after I took my ba[th]? I liked to rub it allll over me. But not my pee-pee! Mommy said I can’t do that any more.”
At which point, I heard my friend in the background going: “JOSEPH! Don’t tell people you rubbed the gorilla on your pee pee!!”
Boy child! Please put the belly button lint in the trash and not on me!
The youngest is enamored with his father’s belly button,and the lint that appears there every. single. day. He runs for it as soon as daddy gets home and brings it straight to me every time.
Boy child again… in the middle of Wal-mart, “I’m gonna lick you!”
To a complete stranger no less. Honey, please don’t lick the nice lady.
Youngest Cousin is being potty trained and tonight I offered a special treat if she could poop on the potty. She sat there several times for a few seconds each and got off each time insisting she HAD pooped and that there was poop in the potty. Which led to me coming out with…
Older son was telling me that, while walking near a mission one day, Father Junipero Serra was bitten by a chigger or an insect or a snake or something, and his leg swelled up and hurt him the rest of his life. Younger son opined that perhaps Fr. Serra was bitten by a chupacabra- “it’s possible.”
Old friend’s boy, Lucas, was a funny one. He had not yet figured out that boys and girls look different. She took him to the mall one day, and they made a stop in the bathroom so she could pee. Keep in mind the bathroom was crowded.
Lucas: “Where’s your penis?”
Karen: “… Mommy doesn’t have a penis.”
… Aaaaaand every woman in the bathroom died of laughter.
I love that clip - had seen it before - and i think that’s kind of what i was picturing - a little girl like that walking around trying to get her brother to put his matchbox in her underwear . . .
