We were in the grocery store the other night picking up something for dinner. We were perusing the fresh meat in the counter when a woman with a 3 or 4 year old, sitting in the cart with a fist full of mock chicken, looks up at her Mother and says in the cutest voice “Mama, what is Mock Chicken made of?” The Mother, quite honestly, says “I have NO idea honey.” My DH and I giggle quietly and give eachother a nose wrinkle. The little one then says “Well, it’s the same colour as my skin, so I must be eating Human skin”
Needless to say, I had tears streaming down my cheeks from giggling.
What are your funny stories heard from either your kids or while out and about?
I was typing something one day while my daughter “E” was watching over my shoulder. She was 5, my son “Z” was 6. I typed the word “mocking”, and the following convo ensued:
E: Z, what does “mocking” mean?
Z: Z, what does “mocking” mean?
E: (pause) Ohhhhhhhh.
Me: (laughing for about an hour)
It wouldn’t have been as funny if he was older, but the kid was 6 years old, and he didn’t miss a beat - perfect comic timing. Struck me as even funnier that E was able to figure out what he was telling her.
Last year, my cousin had to write a report for Black History Month about race relations. She used my five-year-old nephew as an example of someone who has never in his life noticed race, and wouldn’t even begin to understand the concept of racism. When my cousin explained her report to my sister-in-law, my nephew turned to her in all his little blonde glory and said “Hear that, Mom? I’m a black hero.”
My niece (age 3 at the time) to my sister as they drove past a lake: “Mommy, are there sharks in that lotion?” Took my sister a while to figure out what the “lotion” was - she meant “ocean.”
My other niece (age 4 at the time) to her brother: “You goat roper.”
My nephew (age 4 or 5 at the time) to the grocery store clerk: “Smell you later.”
One which still cracks me up, was said by a 5 yo I used to babysit. When I asked him how he got such red hair, he matter-of-factly replied, “It’s from eating too much peanut butter.”
Another one, which no one else seemed to get a chuckle out of but me, occurred when I was helping a friend’s son with spelling homework. I was checking over one of his tests, and looking for the misspelled words to see what he needed help with. I was tickled to find he had spelled “tree”, “chree”.
My daughter was about 5, and we were RVing with my folks.
My stepmom and I took my daughter over to the showers to get washed up. Ivygirl wanted to shower with grandma, so grandma got her clean, then sent her over to my stall, since I was about done, so she could do her own showering.
My daughter comes into my stall, desperately clutching the towel about her wet little body. I said, “Don’t be silly. You don’t have anything Grandma and I don’t have.”
My best friend has a very young sister, Catherine, who’s now 8. When she was around 4 or 5, one day she and I and her mother were in the car, listening to Stevie Wonder on the stereo. Catherine really liked the music and told us she thought Stevie must be a very attractive man. (She’s always been boy-crazy.) Her mother said, “He is, and did you know he’s blind, too?” Catherine’s response? “Oh! So that’s why he says ‘where has all my love gone?’”
We were on the shuttlebus coming back from the Highland games. It had been a long day, and everyone was quiet on the bus. It was close to the end of the event, so the bus had to do a lot of stopping and turning corners and stopping again to let cars out, etc.
In the quiet, a little boy piped up, “But Mommy, why is the bus stopping and going and stopping and going and stopping and going?”
To which Mom replied, “Well, Timmy, that’s just life.”
Got quite a giggle from the rest of us on the bus.
Sitting in the doctor’s office, the 4 year-old Kizarvexilla heard a baby crying in another examining room. The following exchange ensued.
She: Daddy, why is that baby crying?
Me: (sagely) Well, why do babies ever cry?
She: Because they don’t like the doctor?
And a second one. While driving.
She: Daddy, when I grow up, I’ll drive, and you can sit in the baby seat!
I’ve gotten a few amusing comments from young kids, thanks to my shaved head:
I was sitting outside of a building one summer afternoon, enjoying a cigarette, when a little boy, about 3 or 4 years old, stuck his head around the corner, about twenty feet away. The little boy just stared at me, eyes wide. A moment later, a slighty older girl, who I assume was his sister, caught up with him. She too peeked around the corner at me. Then, in that stage whisper that little children think noone can hear, the girl said, “Oh, it’s just an old man.” Gee, and I’m not even 40 yet!
Another episode involved my adorable redheaded niece. I dropped by my mom’s house for a visit, and my two nieces were already there being babysat. Natalie, the redhead, was about 18 months old. Natalie was raptly staring at the television, watching a video of the movie “Shrek”. My older niece, Katie, 4 years old at the time, said, “Look who’s here, Natalie!” Natalie turned her head to look at me. Then she turned back to the television. Then she looked at me again, jumped to her feet, pointed at me and squealed at the top of her voice, “SHREK!”
My two year old discovered the Talking Heads video “Stop Making Sense” in our collection. It became a favorite of his, he plays his guitar and sings along. One day he asked me if he could watch “David Burning down the House”.
I went out to eat with my mom once, and was sitting up at the front of the place so that I could see my brother when he drove up and tell him where we were sitting. I had blue hair at this time, btw.
This couple walked in with three little girls, a baby and probably a 3 and 4 year old. I noticed the older girl looking at me and she hit her sister in the arm and said “Look! She’s got hair!” Then I saw her shaking her head and saying, “It’s not real…no…” and then she got up, pulled on her mom’s jeans and said “Mom, is that her real hair?” Her mom said “I don’t know, why don’t you ask her?” So she walked up to me really slowly and said “Is that your real hair?” I told her yes and her mom said “See, just like I dye my hair blonde, there are all kinds of colors that you can dye your hair.”
I thought the “Is that your real hair?” comment was funny, and also thought that was a great answer from the mom.
My uncle and I were at a restaraunt with my 3 year old cousin (his daughter). We were drinking beers, and my little cousin was drinking apple juice. For some reason, my cousin was pretending that she had beer too, because it was the same colour and in a similar glass. So, throughout the meal, we kept asking her how her beer was, if she wanted more beer, etc.
Anyways, we’re leaving the restaraunt, and she trips over something, falls, and skins her knee on the sidewalk. It wasn’t serious, but she was upset, so I picked her up, and was comforting her a bit. This nice old man came up, saw she was crying, and said “Awww, what’s the matter?”
To which my cousin replied “I drank too much beer, and it made me fall down!”
Followed by:
My uncle and I falling all over each other laughing.
My cousin crying harder because she didn’t understand what was funny.
The single dirtiest look I have ever recieved in my life.
My little niece told me that “Christmas is when Jesus brings you cake.” Her birthday is the Christmas Eve and mixed them together.
The one that really makes me laugh though is when my even younger niece who wont talk was playing with a blank piece of paper and tore it in two. Then she came up to me with her lip quivering and wanted me to fix it. Not tape (she hates that stuff) but put it back to the way it was. It was just the way she had complete and utter faith in my abilities to meld these two pieces of paper back together. I couldn’t stop laughing and boy oh boy, she did NOT like that.
When Kid, the Elder was about three or four, we were sitting at the dinner table one night. Mr zoogirl took a pickle off Kid, T.E.'s plate and put it on his own. Kid, T.E. promptly grabbed it back. This was hilarious of course, so the pickle went back and forth a couple more times. To distract the Kid, Mr zoogirl said “Look at that big spider!” and when the Kid looked around for the (fictitious) spider, the pickle got grabbed again. The next time the Kid grabbed the pickle, it fell on the floor. Mr zoogirl looked at his empty plate for a moment and asked where the pickle had gone. Kid, the Elder’s reply?
Phase42’s Shreck story reminded me of my former housemate’s child. (A lovely little girl I refer to as The Monster.) When she was about 2 her favorite movie was Shreck. She would watch it every day, quite happily. But what bothered me as daycare provider was that she also would screech during it with this ungodly sound. It took me a week to realize what was happening: She was helping Princess Fiona blow up the birdie to get the eggs.
In a related vein, my four-year-old son has discovered my cache of Transformers DVDs, and watches them as fairly regularly.
One night, on the way home, we got stuck behind some traffic on the freeway – which prompted my son to say, “Daddy, make the car be a robot so we can go home!” (Sorry, son, but I didn’t buy the car with the transformation option package…)
3-year-old Tikkiniece recently went for a walk with her Aunt Wee Wee, whereupon they found a crocus that was starting to bloom. They picked it and when they got back, Tikkiniece ran into the house with it, calling out, “Look, Mommy! We found a frog flower!”
What, you didn’t take a paper bag with an intact piece of paper on it, put the two halves into the bag, shake it, and take out the intact piece to give to her, and make yourself a god-like hero to her?
