The Littlest Briston (age 5): “Some animals puff up and have spikes and some have bad scents…all different animals have all different ways of protecting themselves from creditors”.
Okay, here’s my contribution, recently overheard at the New York Central Park Zoo snow leopard exhibit.
Little boy to his sister who happens to be wearing a white leopard print jacket: “You’re wearing his fur! You’re extincting him!”
I was picking up Squeaky (20 Months now) and Spike (3 1/2) from daycare the other day. I went into Squeaky’s classroom first, and was greeted by him and his friends. I think they like me, because I squat down and interact with them on their level, rather than loom over them. I was surrounded by excited toddlers, who were all acting crazy. It was then end of the day, and they’re ready to go home One of the boys, D, has an older brother, D2, who is Spike’s best friend. Unfortunately for D2, Spike’s weapon grade crazy seems to be contagious.
I was talking to Squeaky’s friends, and I turn to D, who’s being silly, and ask, “D - are you being crazy, like your brother?”
“Are you crazy?”
“Is D2 crazy?”
“Is Squeaky crazy like Spike?”
“Is Squeaky crazy?”
“Is Spike crazy?”
D just smiled.
Here’s one from Christmas that I’ve been meaning to share. The SO’s niece has just turned 4. One of the things she had asked for for Christmas was a “red car”. So her daddy got her a remote controlled red corvette* which I admit was really cool. Anyway, she unwraps it, sees what it is, thrusts it straight into the air, and shouts,
Generally I am not a fan of kids acting like miniature adults, but it was so cute it was ridiculous.
*When I was a kid, I got a red camaro, and it was not remote-controlled! Kids these days.
My littlest nephew during potty training…
“Mom… MOM… poop is coming. POOP IS COMING!”
My four year old niece Annie sits beside me, and quietly says, “you’re stupid.”
“Annie! Did you just call me stupid???”
“But you said ‘you’re stupid!’”
“No. I said ‘you’re’. Then I said ‘stupid’.”
“Annie, are you going to be a lawyer?”
Annie runs off
Oh, the creditor thing is hilarious. I know some adults who probably wish they had those ways of protecting themselves.
As for my contribution…I’m sure I have mentioned a time or twelve that my 6-year-old son is crazy about me in the way that only a boy can be for his mama. He started calling me his “beloved” only he wasn’t pronouncing it quite correctly. So I am his “belovened”. Last night he was doing this crazy dance in a circle around me. When I asked him what he was doing, he said, “I’m showing you all my best moves.”
His older sister is eight different kinds of awesome, trust me. But there’s something about being loved so fiercely that really cheers me up on a bad day.
I was in line at a fast food restaurant once. At one of the registers was a slightly harried set of parents and their young daughter – she was probably around 5. The daughter started wandering off towards the tables when the mother noticed her getting away and told her to come back. The girl spun on her heel and said, “I’m going to save you a table!”
Mom was not impressed, but I had to hold back giggles.
This is more a ‘do’ than a ‘say’, but it kinda fits.
From the time he could both walk and talk, my nephew (now age six) would go up to complete strangers and introduce himself as Luke Skywalker.
This past year, he stopped doing it.
Now he introduces himself as ‘The Doctor’.
(He’s said he wants me to be ‘The Master’. How cool is it that my nephew wants me to be his arch-nemesis?)
Heh, is 15 a kid? I was showing my oldest niece how to cook dinner last night, had her figure out how much it was going to cost per person, taught her some stuff about food safety, etc. And then I asked her if she had any homework due, or any projects coming up, and she said that she had a health project but they’d be finishing it in class tomorrow.
“It’s a poster about the six major risk factors, um, for your health. There’s smoking, and there’s eating too much and… I don’t want to say.”
Huh? And then I notice she’s staring at my great big glass of red wine.
Somehow, Josie has it in her head that when Daddy comes home, he brings pizza. So now every time his car pulls into the driveway, she says “Daddy’s home! PIZZA!” Amazingly, she has never been disappointed that he doesn’t have pizza.
She also randomly bursts into song lately. A funny moment for this was after I taught her how to do Ring Around the Rosy (which she calls Ring Around the Josie). We had been playing it one night. Later on, before getting her into her pajamas for bed, I was putting some lotion on her, and idly singing. “Lotion on your legs, lotion on your feet.” Apparently, I was doing this to the tune of Ring Around the Rosy, because Josie responded with “Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!”
We were playing scrabble. My youngest boy, about 8, was struggling. It was late in the game, the board was largely filled, and he only had a few tiles. His sister had previously made the word ‘dire’. Son ponders, and finally puts an ‘a’ in front of ‘dire’, to make ‘adire’.
Me: son, I don’t think so.
Son: Is too!
Me: OK, use it in a sentence.
Son: I really like my adire.
I reach for the tile, to give it back to him.
Son (insistently): No wait. It’s French! It’s French!
“eh eh eh uh eh uh!”
- My daughter
Age 8 (weeks)
At the grocery store, the 6 year old grandson hit his head on a rack. The checker almost died laughing when he said “If my head wasn’t so big and round, I probably wouldn’t hit it on everything.”
I was sick on Monday and when my husband picked our 18 month old daughter home from she immediately ran to me to play. I told her that Mommy couldn’t play, she is too sick. So she turns around goes to her toys and picks up her toy doctors kit and then gave it to me.
Awwww, my son used to do something similar. Up until a few years ago, we never had take-out pizza, just the pizza that my husband would make. My son would walk up to the oven, flick on the oven light, and peer in through the window, saying, “I want pizza.” Like pizza would magically appear from the oven.
My youngest granddaughter (age 4.5) was sitting at the table with her parents. She rapped her knuckles on her head and said, “I’m knocking but I don’t think anyone’s home.” My son-in-law whispered to my daughter, “I could have told you that.”
Then today, the same granddaughter and my wife were playing “Pet Store” with a bunch of the stuffed animals. My wife said she wanted to buy a particular animal, so my granddaughter went over near my wife’s laptop and tapped on the cover. Then she walked over to the corner and stood there. My wife asked, “What are you doing?”
The kid’s answer?
“I’m waiting for the printer.”
This thread is seriously making me count down the minutes until I can go home and see my kids.
I thought of a cute story about my daughter, lest anyone think I am favoring my son. My daughter is 8, in 2nd grade, and much smarter than your kid, however smart your kid is. Anyhow, her teacher told me that at the beginning of the year, she asked the students to each write down a goal for the year, something they wanted to improve at. She noticed my daughter wasn’t writing so, after a few minutes, she approached her and asked if she needed help.
My daughter looked at her and shrugged and said, “Well, I don’t really need to get better at anything.”
Like many of these stories, I suspect it would be funnier if you knew my daughter. She’s not stuck-up or bratty. She just was genuinely stating a fact that she is already good at everything.
Recently my sister and her husband dragged their 9-year-old daughter to a boring school function. Fidgeting, Niece Mustard asked, “Dad, will we be home by 8 o’clock, 9 central?”