Calendar page with instructions on how to escape an attempted abduction by aliens. (Yesterday’s entry on the Worst Case Scenario Handbook page-a-day calendar).
Small pink rubber pig with the American Diabetes Association logo printed on its backside. (A squeezable “stress reducer” toy, sold as a fundraiser for their Kiss-A-Pig fundraising campaign. The “winning” doctor who gets the most money raised in his or her name kisses a pot-bellied pig at halftime at an upcoming Chicago Wolves game, symbolically thanking pigs for their part in helping us discover insulin.)
well, not counting foodstuffs and stuffed animals of the small persuasion, there is the rolling eye ball…HEY! WHO TOOK THE GIANT FLOATING EYEBALL THAT USED TO BE ON MY SHORT PARTITION WALL!?! bastards! heads WILL roll.
…where was i?
ahem. the desk fountain with live miniature fern, with 2 Bettas in a divided tank on the partition above, as well as a bonsai next to the aquarium. also a miniature seated figure of Sekhmet. variously-sized and -posed statues of Quan Yin (and a larger, standing Sekhmet). at least 3 filled penholders of various designs (gel pens are my current collection fancy). a little porcupine-ball with the head and legs of a horse at appropriate positions. and a signed copy of The Mad Bluebird picture, framed and hung from one of my overhead flipper cabinet doors (next to the framed unicorn colored engraving).
well, that’s most of the interesting stuff immediately within view. that, and the water snake i keep under the monitor (since those disappear regularly around here) plus the clear plastic orb that contains fake eyeballs and red-colored liquid (disturbingly theraputic when squeezed).
hey, i’m stuck working helpdesk. it helps keep the clueless at bay until i can figure out what the hell they’ve f***ed up this time.
Oh my… Ignoring the actual work-related stuff (manuals, printouts, reference sheets, etc.) we have…
Shelves:
A complete set of slipcased manuals for IBM DOS 2.10
A Prime Computer (anyone remember them?) coffee mug
A tin “British Navy Pusser’s Rum” cup
A Lego dive boat, complete with Lego divers
A Lego motorcycle, complete with Lego motorcyclist
A flashlight shaped like a car that says “Western Digital”
A statue of a gargoyle using a laptop computer (about 8" tall)
A “Happy New Year” hat from the year 2000. (I worked coverage that night. We had a party.)
Desktop:
A 7" “Lost in Space” robot wielding a pen like a sword. (The pen says “Sabre”)
A miniature replica of a scuba tank. (About 10" high, it came with a Citizens Aqualand watch)
A “Little A’Le’Inn” coffee mug (holding pens)
A chip cup from the New York New York casino in Las Vegas
About a dozen casino-style dice (I tell everyone I use 'em to generate my time estimates)
Cubical Walls:
A chart showing “Areas of the Normal Distribution” (ok, that’s work related)
A form labeled “Emergency Sabotage, Bomb or Hijack Threat”
A 1997 calendar poster from Akona/Genesis/Comtempro scuba (which I kept for the pictures but is actually accurate for this year)
Dive flag car tag
“Live Free or Die” Linux car tag
A TiVo window cling.
On Top of the Monitor:
A little fuzzy thingy with eyes and antenna holding a miniature floppy disk and a sign that says “Looks like another bug!”
A bizzare little contraption made out of something called an “Imaginit Multi-Dimensional Building Set” (Actually, it looks like someone has been fiddling with it again…)
A squishy toy of a 747
I’ve got a small Ganesha statue on the opposite side of my desk from my Gunnery Sgt. R. Lee Ermey 12" Motivational Figure.
This talking Motivational Figure is “R” Rated. It’s not intended for small children.
I figure between the two of these I have most obstacles covered.
Three Living Dead Dolls, specifically, Sin, Sadie, and Lizzie Borden…action figures and sets that include The Headless Horseman, Ichabod Crane, Edward Scissorhands, the Phantom of the Opera, Evil Ash, an Alien from Aliens, Bob and Doug McKenzie, Darth Maul, Darth Sidius, Darth Vader, ET, Snoopy, He-man, Skeletor, Stratos, Beastmaster, Spiderman (in the alien symbiote costume), a Robotech Excaliber mecha, a transformable Robotech Veritech, a Robotech Invid scout, a frog shaped magnifying glass, about a dozen Star Wars, micromachines, an optical illusion jigsaw puzzle, a bag of chocolate covered coffee beans, several plastic spiders and scorpions, a handful of Mardi Gras beads, a LOTR coffee cup that is heat sensitive and displays the words of the one ring when filled, and, strangest of all that stuff…
Spider-Man Pez, Chris Osgood figure, a teddy bear wearing an Islanders sweater, Diskettes for DOS 6.2, O/S2, and a bunch of big ol’ 5" floppies, mouthwash & q-tips…
The temp gauge from a Hughes OH-6A
A scarab beetle in a wooden box
A set of Chinese iron balls
A machined aluminum cube frame with a ball inside (all machined from a single block of aluminum)
Three rubber duckies
A baseball cap from the Columbus, Ohio, PD
A metal yard-stick that rolls up
A lucky pouch from Australia (The kangaroo wasn’t so lucky)
A bag of snowman poop, a plastic sponge bob, an alien wearing rollerblades, a bag of Santa’s coal bubble gum and a turkey that gobbles when you squeeze it. Aside from that, it’s just a bunch of papers and spare parts…staplers…all the usual junk.
Well, on my desk I have a robot toy and a Fez Monkey finger puppet, but those don’t count.
In my desk I have a magnet of Johnny Bravo that says “Chick Magnet”. I think it came out of a box of pop-tarts. I have a ball-less mouse (I was cleaning my mouse rollers and the ball fell behind my desk where I can’t get to it.) And I have a 20-sided die. For many people, that would be it, but when you think about it, that’s probably the least strange thing. If you know me, you’d be surprised if there wasn’t a d20 in my desk.
I teach Art at an urban high school, so I have a few odd items:
for drawing:
20 rubber frogs
40 building blocks
10 dollar store outdated callandars with cutsie pictures of kittens and puppies as well as cars and flowers
taken from students:
at least a half dozen decks of playing cards
a few sets of dice
some mismatched walkman sets
also, what I can’t have is odd as well:
glass bottles (weapons issue)
pushpins (same)
metal rulers (one again…)
any food (rodent issue)
and anything else that could be trouble if it were to fall into the wrong hands…
