Ode to a Tooth
Oh! Mein tooth!
Why do you vex me so?
I have had your root canaled twice.
TWICE!! This is not to be borne!
It was not fair of you to require that.
Your roots have been cleaned and well packed
for lo these many years.
You have cracked and had your crown replaced.
Why do you wish to be re-crowned?
Are you some kind or princess?
How doth a crown break?
Is this possible?
Besides, I was eating ice cream!
Yes, it had peppermint bits in it, but still!
Ice cream.
I thought ice cream was nice.
If I put that piece of you that fell out under my pillow,
will the tooth fairy bring me a dime?
Will I have to spend many hundreds of dollars
getting you fixed again?
Can I do without you?
Woe unto you, you feckless molar!
I have not deserved such teeth as I have—
All my life giving me cavities and being so unreliable.
I floss every single night unless I am drunk.
I brush.
I have Brauned you.
I have Sonicared you. Two minutes.
I have rinsed you with Listerine (the orange kind),
and hated it every time.
You worthless piece of enamel and porcelain.
You chip that makes me wince.
You MEAN THING.
I REVILE YOU!! I DESPISE YOU!!
Now I have to call Dr. B. again.
And chew on the right side.
And try not to put my tongue there to make sure
you are still broken off.
There has been a kind offer to stick you back in place
with a hot glue gun.
No, this cannot be.
Alas, I will go to sleep now and try to have sweet dreams
of a place where teeth are pretty and white and never break.
:mad:
Drunk? When has THAT happened?
The hot glue gun is probably not the best idea, but don’t resort to superglue, either…the other day I superglued my finger to my hand…fortunately after the regional manager left the store following a meeting with me where she offered me a transfer because they needed my maturity and professional skills at another location. Mature professionals do not glue their hands shut.
Hope you feel better…was it Coldstone Creamery ice cream, at least? Wouldn’t want to break a tooth on the cheap stuff
Bravo for your post, Lillith Fair, and best of luck with those dentist bills (I agree, no hot glue gun. Hot glue gun and teeth = yowch!) :eek:
I hope that’s not the same Dr. B. I used to use. Because if it is, you’ll end up sitting there for two hours in lots of pain. The inital ‘B’ really is a fitting one for her.
Oh dear… I do sympathise - a few weeks ago I was flossing and a few chunks of crumbly stuff came out. MY TOOTH!!!
I am in the middle of a root canal now. Here in Japan they take ages and you have to go again and again. So far I think I have been five times, though to be fair the first time was New Year’s Eve when the tooth decided to crumble, so he just tidied it up and put a temporary cap on it to hold it over the holidays. Nice man.
I have at last found a dentist who will do a root canal with anaesthesia. CAN YOU BELIEVE that they don’t use it much here.
The first root canal I had done here, he froze me for the first major drilling, then put a temporary dressing in and sent me home. I came back and he started in on filing out the pulp with that little corkscrew thingy, and found a bit of nerve he’d missed the first time. OH. MY. GOD. THE. PAIN!!! I was screaming, and he just said, “Oh, did that tingle” Yes, like I’m going to tingle your jaw with my foot…
This current man I have well trained and he gives me a jab every single time with no questions asked.
Despite the many visits (I had the mould done for the crown last time so just one more to go), it has only cost me about 70 dollars so far, maybe not even than, and I am sure it will come in under 100. National health insurance here, for the moment, is good, though the government wants to impose the American model. Please no.
Well, the whole tooth story is quite long and involves a letter to the original dentist and he gave me some money back. $600 or so. But I don’t want to remember the whole thing.
The last time I had a crown put on it we didn’t even use painkiller because I’ve had the roots done twice so there are no nerves.
(The first time the dentist went too deep in one root and not deep enough in the other two and she packed it wrong. Then 1.5 years later, I went to the best endodontist in the Cleveland area and had it done right.)
Well, now I’m telling the long story…
Anyway, if I was in Japan I might fly to Cleveland to get a root canal if I needed one!
Now this crown is weird because only the inside half fell off. What’s that about?
That was a beautiful OP. Sorry 'bout the tooth, though.
Mr. AFG used to joke that if he was rich he’d get all his teeth pulled and get the implants, or “screw-on teeth”, as he called them. He’d say he’d then have fun switching up the molars with the incisors and go around smiling at people. 