So I’m sitting at my computer yesterday morning, blasting the hell out of Alpha Centaurians, when Arthur (one of my housemates) knocks on my door.
“Did you give yourself a major injury in the kitchen recently?” asks Arthur.
“Er… no, not recently.” I stammer. “Why?”
Arthur beckons me to follow him to the kitchen, where there is a large ruddy-brown stain seeping out from under the refridgerator.
“It’s leaking something.” I say.
“It’s bleeding.” says Arthur.
Further discussion of this matter was forestalled by my other housemate Mike, who immediately grasped the obvious conclusion.
“The fridge is about twelve years old. I guess it’s reached that time in a young female appliance’s life when certain processes of puberty begin.”
We’ve cleaned up the mess, knowing full well that in four weeks we’ll have to clean it up again (though I am looking through the Sears catalogue to see what prices Industrial Tampons go for).
We’re still arguing about which of us will actually have to have “the talk” with the fridge; we’ll probably end up leaving that task to my girlfriend, because I think all of us would be too embarrassed to try to explain the birds and the bees and the workings of feminine reproductive organs to the fridge. Especially with the microwave hanging around.
Check the condensation pan and drain hose under the fridge. It’s possible the hose is plugged or the pan is so full of dust/dirt/shit that it’s merely overflowing.
Has the fridge been acting up recently? Refusing to turn the light on when you open the door? Freezing your refridgerated food and thawing the frozen? If so, you have a case of PMS Fridge on your hands.
On the other hand, if you haven’t seen any of those, it’s also possible Unca right. The red could be rust.
At any rate, congratulations, you’re the proud papa of a womanly fridge!
Be careful…pretty soon, your fridge will start getting calls from the dryer…the dishwasher…the deep freezer…if you don’t have that talk pretty soon, you’ll be awash in little dustbusters, hair dryers, and bread makers all over the damn place.
While you have the talk, have one of your roommates take the microwave out to the movies or something. Get it out of the house.
You or one of your roommates should handle the talk. Don’t pass this off on your girlfriend. We should all accept our responsibilities.
Make it easy for your fridge. Do what you can to calm her down. After all, she’s been through a rough time - she made a mess because no one warned her about what was coming (On that note - shame on you John!! Just because YOU’RE uncomfortable with the subject does not mean you should have ignored it). My suggestion is to change her box of baking soda. Always makes my fridge perk up.
In one of the Lethal Weapon movies, Pesci asks Gibson when he last cleaned the pan under the refrigerator. Gibson responds “There’s a pan under there?” I was thinking, wtf. But when I got home I checked and sure enough, there was a pan under there! Yes, folks, that is how and when I learned this fact. And people think there’s no point to the Lethal Weapon movies.
Going down on and eating out of your OWN fridge? What, are you people sick?
John, make sure that about a week before this is to happen again, to cut down on filling her with fatty foods. She’ll already feel full and bloated enough and we don’t want to push that PMS over the edge.
