Well, it is officially spring here in central Texas. The signs are everywhere – birds are chirping loudly with their mating carcophony, the seasonal April showers are starting their march across the plains as they move West to East, and the men-folk are out decimating their yards with the raucous racket of nap-disturbing lawn tractors.
Oh, and the angry red wasps and wandering scorpions have made their triumphant spring appearance.
The red wasps first showed up a little over a week ago. Working in my shop all day, I had just started to enjoy less-than-chilly wind coming through the open door, but after only a day or two of welcome cool spring breezes and temperatures, the red wasps started flocking inside to dive-bomb my face and head and bang themselves against the fluorescent light tubes.
Incensed and angry at being waved away from your face, they go into attack mode and surprise you with random sneak attacks from among the roof rafters. Closing the door slows their migration to a trickle, but some always find their way in. They also sit and wait in the trees until I go outside to spray-paint or wash parts, so that is always fun.
There is a reason why I keep plenty of brake parts cleaner around the shop.
And tonight, just a few minutes ago, I saw my first scorpion inside the house.
I had just gotten up from my chair here at the computer, stepped to the doorway, and looked down at the floor under the chair where my feet were only seconds before. And there, walking around with its tail and stinger curved up into the air in full warrior mode, was a fair-sized golden scorpion, slowly walking towards me.
At least until my shoe put an end to his tail-waving crawl across my floor.
I must say, he did make a most pleasant and satisfying crunch under my shoe.
I sighed wearily as I knew that this was just the beginning of an almost nightly ritual for the next six or seven months. As if to further prove to me that this year is likely to provide a fruitful and bountiful crop of nasty of mini-monsters, I step out into the hall, turn on the overhead light, and am immediately rewardedwith the scurrying of another scorpion just a couple of feet away as it made its way from under the air conditioning/heater closet. Another application of extremely prejudice blunt trama, and the second soldier in the 2015 scorpion army met his fate with the same shoe.
There is no force on earth that can prevent this yearly invasion. No extermination technique can do sufficient damage to the stout constitution of the common scorpion to keep it from running about the house before succumbing to the poisons. No house is sufficiently sealed to prevent their incursion from without. They come through the cracks around the doors, they make their way around screens at open windows, they drop from the ceiling after climbing the outside walls and trekking across the attic to a handy slit around a light fixture or ceiling fan.
They come in greater numbers when it gets excessively wet outside or excessively dry, which pretty much sums up the normal weather situation here year-round. They tend to wait for you in the middle of the floor in the kitchen and bathrooms, and it is always a thrill to find one when you step into the shower. They love scooting across the living room floor, their tiny bodies silhouetted against the glow from the TV. I have develeoped a sixth-sense about the presence of these unwanted visitors and usually seem to know where and when to look to find them as I walk about the house.
But that wasn’t always the case.
Four times I have had one in bed with me – twice feeling them as they walked across my pillow and brushed against my nose.
I tell you here and now – that will bring you out of a twilight sleep quicker than anything you can imagine.
Yeah, a scorpion sting hurts like a sonofabitch, and it could be worse, but I just really, really hate the damn bastards. Scorpions only eat what they kill, so there isn’t really much to hunt in the house, so I figure they are just seeking shelter.
But – dammit – they belong under a rock, not in my house. There is plenty of splendid places for them to forage and live their scorpy lives besides my baseboards and patio door tracks. I generally have a live-and-let-live attitude about the critters and wildlife around here, but I posit an exception in the case of scorpions.
ALL SCORPIONS MUST DIE !!!
