You can’t let a child run out into a street to let them learn what getting hit by a car feels like, bit too risky.
If your kid is obsessed with cars and touching their headlights and tailights and doesn’t yet grasp the consequences of a human being getting hit by a moving car, and seems to think running out into the street to touch moving cars is harmless YES some parental inflicted pain can save their life. Again because they are pre-verbal and don’t grasp at all that their actions could cause serious injury or death, hell they don’t even know what death is.
If the question is inflict some pain with my hand on my kid’s butt with a few swats to stop potentially fatal behavior, or don’t do it I know what the right choice is.
My grandmother once made my aunt kneel on dry rice for something or another. I can’t imagine how that would hurt!
Because children aren’t miniature adults?
The only time I EVER got spanked as a kid was if I did something dangerous – ran out into the street, or tried to touch a hot stove. A “we mean business, and this is just something you do NOT do, EVER!” I got my mouth washed out with soap a few times, but that’s about the worst. (And really, that just tastes really disgusting, that’s all)
Mostly, I lost priveledges. Didn’t pick up my toys? Fine, my mother would – but she’d put them somewhere I couldn’t get them. Threw a tantrum at the grocery store? No tv/dessert/going out to play later.
And it was never called “time out” when I was a kid. It was, “you SIT THERE, and you STAY there, until I SAY you can get up!”
Honestly, mostly I’d behave when my father got mad. Not because he’d hit me or anything, but because when he gets mad, he has this “look” on his face, and his voice gets deeper and he speaks very slowly. He’s a big guy - 6’3, so he looks extremely intimidating.
But you know what, she might suddenly change tomorrow and suddenly everything you’ve done before becomes ineffective. it happens. Or maybe you will have another kid who is different than your first. It happens.
I’ve seen some parents who before they had kids swore up and down that it was wrong then they get a stubborn 4 year old who refuses to listen find themselves forced to spank their kid.
Well, is this the BEST way, or just the easiest for you? Again, when does this type of “teaching” become ineffective? When the child turns 13? 16? Or does it stop being effective when it becomes against the law?
Why isn’t this type of “teaching” used against your spouse when wrongdoing occurs?
I thought it was pretty clear I was talking about a young toddler, and I laid out the specific circumstances around using it, and I wasn’t spanking for wrongdoing.
If my spouse was somehow mentally incapacitated(drugged or delirious) and tried to run out on a highway I’d absolutely physically restrain her until she came to her senses.
I can only answer what you said, not what you meant. Sounds like a conversation with my wife.
I hope I got better with exerience, but that had nothing to do with this scenario. Had my first child been the third, and all else was equal, he still would have needed a quick swat now and then. A good parent, IMHO, determines which discipline works best for each child/issue combnation. Even he didn’t need a swat for every behavioural issue, OTOH there were rare times where it was the only thing tht worked. I would guess that it happened less than a half dozen times between the ages of 4-6, never with anything except a bare hand, never more than one swat, always through clothing. We are by no means talking about beating. In my mind, however, it absolutely constituted a spanking.
I’m glad to hear it wasn’t intentional. The rest is a strawman, as I never suggested anything of the sort, Shirley.
Virtually every argument that begins with “never” or “always” is wrong from the get go. There is a time and a place for spanking (not beating). If you choose to not use it, that’s your call. Just because you make that call, though, and successfully raise a child (or children), doesn’t mean that your experience appplies to all others.
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So I guess you don’t consider the “silent treatment”, or being forced to sleep on the couch, punishment?[.quote]
I’m sorry if that’s how your spouse treats you. To answer the question, though, no. I would consider either as childish retaliation, not punishment.
In our society, when a one reaches their 18th birthday (barring mitigating circustances) they are an adult and no other human has the right to use corporal punishment on them, period. In other societies that is not the case. OTOH, almost all societies allow the the government some corporate punishment options.
As stated above, the government - in specific circumstances defined by law.
And if you can’t see the absurdity in those scenarios, there is no sense even addressing attempting discourse.
I can only answer what you said, not what you meant. Sounds like a conversation with my wife.
I hope I got better with exerience, but that had nothing to do with this scenario. Had my first child been the third, and all else was equal, he still would have needed a quick swat now and then. A good parent, IMHO, determines which discipline works best for each child/issue combnation. Even he didn’t need a swat for every behavioural issue, OTOH there were times where it was the only thing tht worked.
I’m glad to hear it wasn’t intentional. The rest is a strawman, as I never suggested anything of the sort, Shirley.
Virtually every argument that begins with “never” or “always” is wrong from the get go. There is a time and a place for spanking (not beating). If you choose to not use it, that’s your call. Just because you make that call, though, and successfully raise a child (or children), doesn’t mean that your experience appplies to all others any more than mine applies to everyone else.
I’m sorry if that’s how your spouse treats you. To answer the question, though, no. I would consider either as childish retaliation, not punishment.
In our society, when a one reaches their 18th birthday (barring mitigating circustances) they are an adult and no other human has the right to use corporal punishment on them, period. In other societies that is not the case. OTOH, almost all societies allow the the government some corporate punishment options.
As stated above, the government - in specific circumstances defined by law.
And if you can’t see the absurdity in those scenarios, there is no sense even addressing attempting discourse.
Around 3 or so – around the time they become verbal and willing to listen to explanations and accept natural consequences for their actions. My daughter was verbal and willing to listen to rules/explanations quite early, so she never needed spanking. (Also she is wired in a way that it was clear spanking would have been counterproductive, but that’s another story. I also have never used timeouts with her for the same reason.)
I have to say that I have never heard a good reason to spank, say, an 8-year-old child. At that point I kinda feel that if other things don’t work, spanking isn’t going to work either (except temporarily, while long-term teaching the kid that Might Makes Right).
…because my spouse knows better than to run out in the road when there are cars, or to touch a hot stove? (Wow, I would never use silent treatment against either my child or a spouse! Perhaps I am affected by the Great Brain books, where John D. talks about how the silent treatment was way worse than a whipping, because at least the whipping was over quickly.)
If you can’t see the absurdity of being adamant against hitting an adult who can hit back, call the police, or other types of response while simultaneously condoning hitting a small, defenseless child who has no recourse other than to take it, then there is no sense even attempting discourse.
For those who say the difference between hitting an adult and hitting a child is so obvious that it’s ridiculous to even discuss it, well, I don’t see the difference.
Yes, you can smack a kid and they’ll usually grow up more or less OK, just like everyone else. Smacking a kid isn’t the worst thing you can do to them, kids would be better with an engaged parent that occasionally smacks them than a parent that doesn’t give a shit about them.
So I could smack my kids every now and then, and they’d be fine. And I could smack my wife every now and then, and she’d be fine too.
I’m not sure what that has to do with the argument that you shouldn’t hit children. The fact that you must resort to personal insults as a way to defend your practice of hitting children is most troubling to me.
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