I’m talking about the “put them over your knee and deliver 3-8 smacks to their behind” spanking.
Quite simply: Do you think it’s okay for a parent to do this to their kid?
I think this will result in wildly (and very strongly) different opinions from the ends of both extremes.
I think it’s better parenting to avoid such conduct. I managed to never have to do it. However, I don’t believe it should be illegal, if that’s what you’re asking. (although, I’m open to the idea that it should be illegal. “Hitting people is wrong” is an idea I could get behind.)
I’m trying to figure out a way to say this properly without negating that some examples of “spanking” can be downright abusive. I believe spanking on a very limited basis with clear boundaries and expectations can be beneficial. For example; I will give my kids every reason not to be spanked and it is very rare (maybe once or twice a year) that they have been spanked and it is never hard. If they know a rule is in place and they break it they will be punished by other means (expectations). If the rule continues to be broken and other means have not worked then they will be warned (approaching boundary). If they break the rule again (again, very rare) then they will get a spanking. My spankings are not painful and never exceed one or maybe two light slaps on the clothed butt, but they have a positive effect. In the past when I have spanked my children they always become “closer” to me in the aftermath, as if they are trying to regain my approval. We have a conversation and they always, without coercion, apologize for their behavior.
If a kid breaks a rule and gets spanked without ever realizing they have crossed a boundary because they have never been taught the boundary then it is likely their parent or parents have a temper problem and it may be considered physically abusive depending on the degree of the punishment, but is definitely emotional abuse because the kid is always going to be in fear of crossing and arbitrary line.
I know that this is a sensitive subject, but I believe my wife and I have a good method for discipline. My kids are 4 (soon to be 5) and 8 soon to be 9. They were never spanked before they understood boundaries and rarely spanked after that understanding. They are outstanding kids IMO and we are told very often how polite and well behaved they are. We were recently on a plane for a 9 hour flight to Hawaii and several people had kids that were loud, obnoxious, and basically ignored by their parents and allowed to disrupt other people’s flight. My wife was complimented by several passengers ( I had to sit separately) as we exited the plane about how well behaved our kids were because they never had to be told twice to do anything or to be quite.
I don’t think spanking or beating children does anything good to be honest, unless you want your child to be afraid of you. It’s a shitty thing to do to kids. I’ve seen a few parents that should have been beaten properly, though.
My father was a clever man, who used reverse psychology in preference to spanking. But I was spanked twice as a child, and both times it was three or four swats, and I richly deserved what I got. I’m not a parent myselrf, so it’s hard to say spanking is/isn’t okay in certain situations. But I don’t feel aboused because of those two incidents in my childhood.
It’s probably not necessarily ideal, but it won’t kill the kid either. I’ve generally been of the opinion that that actual way you punish (spanking, grounding, time outs, whatever) isn’t really anywhere near as important as making sure you’re consistent, you’re fair, you listen to your kids, you stay active in their lives, and most of your interactions with your kids are positive, nurturing ones that make them feel safe and protected. The rest doesn’t matter so much.
And, so far, this thread probably has less in the way of “wildly (and very strongly) different opinions” than you expected, huh? 
Opinions aside, my understanding is that the research is all very one-sided: there’s scads of research showing that corporal punishment of any degree has negative effects, and I’m unfamiliar with any research indicating that it has positive effects.
Go right ahead. I’ll PM you their addresses.
it depends how hard you do it
I thought the OP made it pretty clear that he wasn’t referring to beating. In my mind at least, spanking and beating are two separate things. It’s never okay to beat a child. Spanking… is best avoided, if possible, but I don’t know that it’s necessarily always wrong, nor would I call someone a Bad Parent for doing so (without any other evidence).
My understanding is the same. I know it’s a difficult thing to study; being dependent on either memory or self-reporting is always a tenuous position. And I’ve seen correlation v. causation brought up, but am unaware to what degree causation has actually been proven. Studies with the same family where all older children received physical punishment, but none of the younger did (indicating not a child-by-child based disciplining, but a shift in parental behavior) would be interesting, and I’m not sure if one has been done, or not. Does require either large numbers of children or children more widely spaced. But then, there are all the other parenting changes that might accompany the change in disciplinary method.
One very interesting study that actually surveilled the parents (audio only) had very interesting results. It was a very small study. But the parents knew they were being recorded. Children were hit for minor infractions. It happened more often than was self-reported by parents in other studies. Parents were often angry, rather than calm. And in 73% of cases, the child misbehaved again within 10 minutes. Here are two articles
on it. Actual paper is behind a paywall. This one is very interesting to me, because it’s not dependent on parent or child reporting and is recorded live instead of remembered months or years. It’s more concrete.
Of course, the question is whether it’s “okay” not whether it’s preferred. And I guess some people will say “it plainly is not as good as not spanking, but yeah, it’s okay” like formula v. breast-feeding or having pizza once a week.
I did say spanking, didn’t I? To clarify - I meant that I don’t think any form of corporal punishment is good. Even if there could be instances where it would be OK, I think the risk of doing real psychological damage is to great to allow it.
Corporal punishment of children is against the law in my corner of the world, btw. I don’t know if it is in the US.
I think it’s an effecient way of parenting.
If you want to spend hours on end with “time outs” and “reasoning” with your kid when the very same result can be taken care of in just a few seconds of spankings. By all means, more power to ya.
The question, of course, is whether you’re going to achieve the very same result. Here’s what the APA says.
Interestingly, one of the members of the APA’s task force issued a dissenting opinion:
I gotta be honest, I hadn’t heard of this at all before Googling for this thread, and I’m surprised at this result.
No it’s not OK. It teaches kids it’s not just ok, but it’s a valid choice to use violence to get what they want out of other people. Children are smaller than you, depend on you and trust you entirely and you just hit them when they do something you don’t like? It’s not OK.
I did what I called baby spankings, more of a ritual than an actual spanking. Never past the age of 2. If a child did what I called a direct refusal to obey I would put them over my knee, give then a few light smacks on the butt, and then walk them to their room and lay down with them for a few minutes while they told me how bad their day was or whatever else was bothering them. I always had a very positive reaction to a light spanking. Discipline was a non issue in my house past the age of 2.
I set a bad example about tidiness so I tended to give them some slack in this area and they turned out about like me, not total slobs but not very neat. Raising kids was one of the few things in life I think I was pretty good at.
I grew up in a spanking family. “I’ll give you a reason to cry” wasn’t an unknown phrase. With my daughter I try not to spank. I used to be more ok with it but as my daughter has gotten older I’ve definitely lessened. My wife tries “gentle parenting” while I’m not nearly on that end of the spectrum.
I just decided to stop spanking because I started to feel guilty about it. I don’t feel bad putting her in time out. I don’t feel bad her screaming her head off because I took away her toy. I just felt bad over spanking. So I didn’t.
One thing I don’t get about people who spank (and I’m not not one of them) is they say they’re doing it to teach respect. I don’t really see it that way. You can’t gain respect via violence. There are a lot of things that go into genuinely respecting someone. It isn’t that simple. Now, what you’re doing, at least in my view, is teaching them fear and/or swift obedience. If that’s what you what, then hey, whatever. Sometimes swift obedience is what’s necessary. But I don’t think it’s respect.
Hell Yes.
Being spanked, and the threat thereof, was a highly effective tool for discipline for me. My mom slapped me right in my face too if I was talking back/swearing/rolling my eyes etc.
Every time it happened it was richly deserved and I am a better person for it
Sort of my point on developing boundaries. You’re making spanking sound like a violent beating.
Some parents know how and when to spank, and some kids respond okay to that type of discipline. The classic example is a two-year old that wants to pinch the dog or some other behavior that is difficult to guard against and which requires a firm, immediate negative reinforcement. Plus, two-year-olds can’t reason very well. So I would not criticize a parent who gave their child a light whack on the tush in such a situation.
But on the whole I think corporal punishment is pretty terrible. It certainly helped to ruin my relationship with my parents.