You don’t stay married for thirty years without learning something. And boy, I’ve learned.
Twice a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Toronto and mine is in Hamilton.
I take my wife everywhere. That way, I don’t have to kiss her goodbye.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t
been in a long time!” she said. So I showed her the kitchen.
We always hold hands at the mall. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and an electric bread maker. Then she said, “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an
electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn’t running
well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she said, “In the lake.”
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but she can climb a tree pretty good.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck,
yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”
I guess I should be grateful that she’s a lousy cook. Last summer the flies in the back yard chipped in and got the screen door fixed.
We were in the mall and my wife said, “Look at that bitch! She’s got my outfit on exactly.” I explained that it would be nice if she was a little more charitable toward bag ladies.
To her, food is more important than sex. She had me install a mirror over the kitchen table.
Once we were fooling around and she was moaning and licking her fingers. I thought I was doing something right until I saw a bucket of chicken beside the bed.
She’s always after me to buy her things. Last year it was a mink, then it was an Arctic fox, now she wants a chinchilla. It’s crazy, all those animals running around the house.
Add your own. Just don’t let the wife see. They only laugh if you fall off the roof or something.
Am I the only one who wants to show this to Wally’s wife while he’s in the hospital?
Just pulling your leg heh
“I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought.” - Seldom Bucket
Let’s hear it for him! Wally, ladies and gentlemen! Isn’t he great. He’ll be joining us again a little later in the show. And now…(drollman doing the worst Ed Sullivan you’ve ever seen)…right here on our stage, put your hands together for the Amazing Satan!..What? He’s not ready yet? Oh. Um. One more time, here he is: the soon-to-be-cut-up comedy stylings of wonderful Wally…
Look at the date on the op. Wally left us last summer. I was going through some old threads tonight and brought this one up in memory of him, and so those of us who know him could reread this and so newbies could get to know him. Do a search for the username WallyM7 and come to know the wit , the wisdom and the putzing that was is and always shall be Wally.
Ayesha, thank you. I ran into another of his posts and realized my mistake. I am sorry I only discovered him today, wish I could have known the man.
From what I’ve read from other Dopers, may I suggest we nominate Wally for some sort of honor? I’m thinking something along the lines of a Straight Dope Sainthood, or calling him First Eternal Poster, or some such. I know he deserved it!
Perhaps voguevixen is right. I drop by every so often and see Dad’s name mentioned. To what purpose? He was a man who had the ability to see the humor in the most ordinary circumstances. And he had the gift of being able to laugh at himself. But there are many others here who have that gift.
Acknowledge them as you have acknowledged my Dad. Their posts, too, have made you laugh, cry and shake your head in wonder. And more than a few have caused you to say, “Darn it! I wish I wrote that.”
Rest in peace, Daddy. And know that there are others who who posses your wonderful gift of laughter.
