Oh my FUCKING GOD!!!! Worst Driver EVER!!!!

The BBQ Pit
#1

Having lived a good part of my life in the Washington DC area, I’ve grown used to horrible driving, what with all of the diplomats who are allowed behind the wheel of motor vehicles. (Actually, it’s the wives of the diplomats who are the worst.)

Anyway, now that I’m up in Maine, I don’t have to deal with “traffic,” hell, they don’t even have traffic reports on the radio.

However, Saturday I saw the worst driver ever.

Driving on I-95 through Portland I saw someone coming blasting up behind me in a bright BLUE Civic coupe that had been hoop-deed out the door. The car was weaving from lane to lane in a fashion that suggested the driver was unconscious or perhaps having some sort of seizure.

Next thing I know, the car is alongside me. I looked over and there he is, Mr. “Too Fly For A White Guy,” or at least as close as you can get if you live in Maine.

I can both feel and hear the bass from his car stereo, as it is managing to shake my cars windows even though I’m going 70 mph.

Mr. "Too Fly is doing no less then 4 things simultaneously, none of which include having a hand, finger, arm or leg anywhere near the steering wheel.

He’s fixing his sunglasses, running a hand through his hair, eating something, drinking a Coke, and **adjusting his headphones ** so he can talk on his cell phone.

That’s right—adjusting his headphones.

Don’t even try and come up with an explanation, as to why he had headphones on, because nothing is sanely possible.

#2

Silly–he had the headphones on 'cause the stereo was too loud and it hurt his ears.

[Angelica]
Do we have to explain everything to you bay-bies?
[/Angelica]

:smiley:

#3

Wasn’t me.
I drive a sedan.

#4

Oh yeah. I still laugh at the guys who hot-rod their little Civics and the like. Did Mr “Macho” hit a bridge abutment or otherwise remove himself from the gene pool?

#5

Unfortunately, no, or if he did it wasn’t significant enough to make the local news, which would be saying something.

#6

Wow. I think I got stuck behind that guy’s grandmother today in Illinois. Only she wasn’t multi-tasking. Nope nope nope. Driving alone was taking up entirely too much of her attention. She was driving along at roughly half the speed limit. Every time we came up to a spot where the road widened or narrowed, she would overcorrect wildly into whatever lane was handy. For a while, she was toodling along right down the center line. Someone behind me thought it would be a good idea to pass her, and she damn near took him out. I hit the horn long and loud, which fortunately served as a warning to the passer, since it had no apparent effect on the little old lady. When I was finally able to get around her safely, I saw that she was perpetuating a very negative stereotype of little old lady drivers: she could barely see over the wheel and was wearing a hat.

#7

Wow. I think I got stuck behind that guy’s grandmother today in Illinois. Only she wasn’t multi-tasking. Nope nope nope. Driving alone was taking up entirely too much of her attention. She was driving along at roughly half the speed limit. Every time we came up to a spot where the road widened or narrowed, she would overcorrect wildly into whatever lane was handy. For a while, she was toodling along right down the center line. Someone behind me thought it would be a good idea to pass her, and she damn near took him out. I hit the horn long and loud, which fortunately served as a warning to the passer, since it had no apparent effect on the little old lady. When I was finally able to get around her safely, I saw that she was perpetuating a very negative stereotype of little old lady drivers: she could barely see over the wheel and was wearing a hat.

#8

Me too! I mean, what exactly is the point? You can dress that 4 banger up all you want, (my fav. is the giant chrome exhaust nozel that is clamped on over the standard tailpipe) and it is still a POS! A superman ice cream colored POS to be sure, but a POS nonetheless.

#9

:smiley: - I present to you “the most precise statement I have ever heard” award.

#10

if it’s any consolation…

[sub]and it’d better be, ‘cause it’s going to take some tellin’[/sub]

when one enters SF from the bay bridge (the one with the trap door after the Loma Prieta quake (1989)), the highway undergoes the following:

  1. #1 lane exits
  2. #5 lane exits
  3. 2 merge/splits on #4 lane

at this point, there are 3 lanes.

4 cross-town lanes are then merged and shoe-horned into #3.

Result: nobody who has ever driven this stretch EVER gets in #3, as it is a parking lot for the next 1/2 mile.

so…

I’m in #2, inching along, when an idiot in a little pos comes weaving through traffic, sees the (as usual, deserted) #3, dives into it and accelerates - right into the rear bumper of the rather large van truck stopped in traffic (but, Hey! he made good time on that 80 yards of concrete we all had reserved just for him)

the sad part was, he was able to brake to non-fatal speed before impact.

#11

While we have safeguards in place to prevent absolute morons from obtaining a driver’s license, the unfortunate reality is that there are just so many morons that a good number of them slip through the cracks.

#12

I assume, naturally, that you were looking at the engine in this ‘cream colored POS,’ or else you wouldn’t be making unfounded statements about it. Right?

#13

My only comment on that is a video I saw of a souped up Civic drag racing a Viper… the Civic won.

Granted, the driver of the Viper may not have been Don Garlits, but still!

#14

Where I live, there used to be a guy that lived down the street, that had a ‘tricked-out’ civic. Wheels at least six inches out to the side, huge chrome tailpipe, spoilers (yeah, like it really needs a spoiler), and, of course, the obligatory bass booming stereo.

Three houses down from me lived Mike, the cop. Mike liked to get some sleep when he was off duty and when the civic guy came by one to many times, rattling walls and windows, Mike got up, put on his uniform, went down to the owners house and told him that if he EVER heard his damn stereo again he was first going to shoot out the tires and second call a wrecker.

It must have worked because I never heard the guys stereo again.

#15

It turns out that many people have the wrong idea about civics. Yes, there are a lot of them, and for good reason. They are practical cars that have the great ability to be transformed into something exceptionally fast. Yes, most people that have civics think that it takes an exhaust system, a sloppy paint job, and booming stereo to be fast. Those people are stupid. But there are people who do it because it is challenging. Its much easier to hook up a camaro. But anyone could do that. Try getting a civic to the point where it can exceed 190 mph and do a 10sec quartermile, and thats accomplishment. Skewed, you may say, but that may just be your perception.

I personally drive a Honda as well, and i use it for its practicality. Its fast enough as is, its looks aren’t too bad, and it gets almost 30 mpg.

As for the stereo that some kid plays to loud, i think that it is straight up retarded. He’ll lose his hearing in less than 5 years, and along with that any ability to lead a normal life. Its hard to hold a job that can pay the bills if you are deaf. Not saying it can’t be done, but it makes it harder.

And now, my rambling comes to an end.

#16

I drive one of the 20 bazillion Cypress Green Civics in NH/VT (110 bazillion Civics overall) and I expect it to last many years. ~33 in town and I got 48 mpg cross-country.

It is still kind of funny to see stuff like the fleet of Civics (? or Preludes?) in “The Fast and the Furious” though.

#17

There’s rice boys, and there’s racers. Me, I get great pleasure from surprising the heck out off rude motorcyclists on the highway when my New Beetle passes 120… in a turn… and shuts them down. (It does have a small spoiler, and it rather needs it, the rear end gets a bit floaty at speed.)
I’ve taken Skip Barber courses, I’m safe, sane, and certifiable. (We’re talking four lane empty highways)

I am looking at replacing it… possibly a new model SE-R, it seems very nice, and not at all like something covered in small R stickers.

Basically, though, the only difference between a compact racer and a muscle car is the engine revs higher, to produce less horsepower… to hit the same speed. 150 horse in a one-ton car beats 210 in a two-tonner. There’s differences in driving styles, but if you know how to handle your traction, you can do more with less… and still get 26 miles per gallon.
It doesn’t sound as nice, annoyingly. I do love the sound of a six-barrel carb’ed engine going lub-dub, but it’s cheaper, easier to get, and… well, easier to park.

#18

Oooo!!! Oooooooo!!! Mr. Kotter!!! I’ve got one!!!

The scene: The infamous “Mixing Bowl” in Northern Virginia where the DC Beltway meets up with I-95 on the Virginia side.

Since Northern Virginia is determined to have the world’s worst road system, they have decided to spend 10 years and around $5 Billion making DC area drivers even more miserable and short-tempered then usual, as well as hopelessly confusing tourists.

Coming North on 95, it goes from 4 lanes to 6 lanes.

That’s nice, but what they don;t bother to tell you is that if you want to get on the Beltway heading towards Fairfax you need to be in the far right lane, and oh yes, you needed to be there 200 yards back.

Too late??

Oh well, you can just take 95 thru DC.

95 doesn’t go through DC?

Oh, I guess you’re fucked then.

I have seen the mixing bowl cause no less then 9 serious multicar accidents.

#19

Aaaahhhhh… memories of living in DC…

Driving home one night, in an ice storm, after dark, some dork in front of me driving a car that’s WAY too powerful for him (older Trans-Am, as I recall, with HUGE tires having very little tread-life left!). He’s taken his foot off the brake so that he can idle forward… but his car isn’t moving.
I can see the left rear tire turning slowly, but the car isn’t moving. He taps the gas and I can hear the “zzzZZZZZZzzzz” of the tires as they spin on the ice.
He still doesn’t move.
I see the driver’s door open and he places a foot on the ground and begins to rock the car… while it’s in gear and the left rear tire still slowly turns.
He still doesn’t move.
While his foot’s still on the ground, he taps the gas AGAIN!
“zzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz” go the tires as they spin on the ice.
He still doesn’t move.

Now he’s gonna get SERIOUS!

The driver gets out of the car WHILE IT’S STILL IN GEAR, walks to the back of the car and tries to push it!

At this point, I’ve had enough and pull out and around this idiot. As I pass the car I notice that THERE’S NO ONE INSIDE TO STEER AND CONTROL THE THROTTLE!

Oh…
My…
God…

Only now, I realize that, if he DOES get the car moving, he won’t be able to stop it and I’M IN FRONT OF IT!

Yeesh!

P.S. I have NO idea what happened to him.

#20

He is our current President.