Okay, so I am driving along the freeway, happy as a clam, and in the lane next to me I notice that there is a double trailer big rig that appears to be carrying gasoline, or in any case it had those little warning signs with the flammible symbol on it. And the back trailer was bouncing along. I mean, "It was BOUNCING! This thing was visibly coming off the pavement. The driver of the truck is driving along at 65 mph with his back trailer bouncing all over the place and I just had to thing to myself, “This thing is going to come flying off and hit me, and I am so gonna die!” I sped up as quickly as I could and got AWAY from that mess, but it got me thinking about times in your life when you are just SO sure that you are going to die. I was wondering when was a time in your life when you thought to yourself, “Oh My God(dess) I am SO going to die!”
No “I’m gonna die!”, but a few “This is definitely not good.” I seem to be able to think through these things well–I was noticing things and making droll, humorous comments to myself even though neither event lasted longer than 2 seconds.
1.) When I tried to turn left across a divided highway and the transmission popped out of gear. Oncoming traffic at 70+ mph. I saw the one that hit me coming, and had time to think “He can make it–nope, didn’t even try to swerve. Damn! Don’t break the Jeep! Brace for impact. [imagined sound of klaxon]” The impact spun the Jeep 90 degrees. Jeep totalled, currently awaiting resurrection.
2.) Same spot, driving in the same direction as the truck that hit the Jeep, in the inside of 2 lanes. Somebody decides the car in front of him is going too slow, and changes lanes–right into me. Thoughts: “Shit! Not again! Brake! Turn!” I hit the brakes and snap the wheel to the left (at about 80mph), doing a perfect NASCAR-style 180-degree spin across the grass median, ending up in the inside lane going the other direction, facing the correct way. Thoughts in the grass: “This can’t be good…Brakes! BRAKES! STOP, DAMN YOU! [sliding up into the road and stopping] Ah. Much better. Oops, better get out of the road.” I shut off the engine, put it in neutral, and coast back into the median. Then I restarted it and drove away. (this was just yesterday, BTW)
3.) Hi Opal!
When I was in the Armed Forces a guy actually tried to shoot me. Well, okay, he wasn’t trying to shoot me, but he came damned close; he violated the Cardinal, Absolute, Rock-Solid Law Of Firing Ranges, which ix that you never, never, never, never, never point your gun anywhere except downrange. Never. He spun around to ask a question WITH HIS FUCKING RIFLE SWINGING AROUND and sure as hell, it went off while pointed at me.
I saw and heard the rifle go off, pointed at me from less than thirty feet away, and I thought, “Well, that’s it, I just got shot. That sucks. I’m gonna die.”
Didn’t hit me, though, I guessed it just missed. I don’t know how close it came (bullets aren’t real easy to see as they go by you) but I tell you, the guy who nearly shot me sure WISHED he was dead after they were done with him. I was surprisingly okay with it, since I rationalized that my time had come and I’d cheated death so I would be thereafter immortal (and so far, so good.)
Years ago I went snorkeling in the Red Sea. Before going in we were given a lecture about all of the potential dangers. Apparently if you were stung by a stonefish, you would be dead in 10 minutes. Within a minute of going into the water, I was hit by a giant wave which dashed me against something which stung – badly. Of course at that moment I knew that it was a stonefish and that I was done for. I forgot everything that I had learned about proper rescue procedure, and I screamed and flailed around hysterically at the person who tried to bring me in to shore.
As it turned out, I had been stung by fire coral. Painful, but hardly lethal. I do have the travel journal I wrote in as I sat on the beach waiting for the pain to subside. Fun reading. Those few minutes in the water are the closest I’ve come to “I am SO dead!”
Here in Michigan we have that great threat to life and limb the white tailed deer. Not usually an agressive creature they occationally decide that it might be fun to play chicken on the interstate.
It happened driving from Grand Rapids to Lansing with my wife and baby one evening. It was just getting dark when I caught movement at the edge of the road just up ahead. Next thing I knew a buck was bouncing off the bumper of the car just ahead and to the left of me in the next lane. We were doing about 70 at the time. The deer bounced inches from my left fender. Doesn’t sound to bad telling it but it was close. The next day I had to wash off the blood that was sprayed all over my car from the deer impacting with the car next to me.
Didn’t have any trouble staying awake the rest of the drive home.