His lawyer will have to strike just the right chord of wood to get him off.
How much wood would chuck fuck if chuck would fuck wood?
Very reminiscent of this thread. 
Wait! He didn’t select if he wanted a receipt or not…
Which begs the question, how far could a woodchuck chuck a wench bench that’s being f…?
Okay, so now that he’s nailed the table, is he in danger of getting shingles?
You know, the ATM almost makes sense. You’re already screwed by the ‘white label’ service charge, especially at a bar, so why not have some fun? At least you can get a receipt…
Most people have probably thought to themselves “Fuck the banks” at one time or the other, but it takes a special kind of person to take that literally. (almost)
Actually, Sir, the rest of the platoon just waits on the bench until the bus to the brothel picks them up.
The ATM… Just what orifice was he aiming for? Hope it wasn’t the envelope grabber… Ouch!
All the inanimate objects get prettier at closing time.
Often it’s a crime of the signs.
That’s right: there’s more than one. He could do ATM with the ATM.
This is obviously a new usage of the initialism “ATM” that I was previously unfamiliar with.
He just wanted to come into some money.
And now the court will refer the perpetrator to mental healthcare providers for mandatory CBT.
“Our apologies. This machine is not currently accepting deposits.”
I don’t know if this is a whoosh but, yes, the term “ATM” has an established sexual meaning that’s separate from its meaning as a money-dispensing machine.
A member of the splinter group?