Be still, and know that I am God
Psalm 46
Hope springs eternal within the human breast,
Man never is, but always to be blest.
–Alexander Pope, Essay on Man
“Listen to the Chair Leg of Truth! It does not lie! What does the Chair Leg of Truth say? It says ‘Shut up, Fred!’”
“Do not offend the Chair Leg of Truth! It is wise and terrible!”
–Spider Jerusalem, Transmetropolitan
I hereby place a curse upon the cretins who assert that:
“Americanism equals Christianity equals good fiscal policy equals fifteen minutes from Armageddon–but Armageddon is okay because WE’RE all going to heaven and THEY’RE NOT!”
MY HUMBLE CURSE:
May your shit come to life, and kiss you.
–Frank Zappa, The Real Frank Zappa Book
One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool. - George Orwell, “Notes on Nationalism”
When all diplomatic efforts, dialogue and other means of pressure such as economic sanctions has failed to induce a tyrant to change his behaviour, the use of force is inevitable. Not doing so can have more tragic consequences with more loss of lives and dangers of wider aggression. - Dr. Jose Ramos-Horta, 1996 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate
When you learn to spell, suddenly things start to make a lot more sense. - Ed Zotti, on the defunct AOL SDMB
…Jill insisted that, as skeptical scientists, we shouldn’t reject claims on a priori grounds, antecedent to inquiry, because usually if you investigate them at length the column turns out to be a lot funnier. http://www.straightdope.com/columns/020329.html .
People often ask me my secret. I tell them it’s that I still remember how to open a dictionary. http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_236.html
“The cream pie of justice flies only one way.”
- Lois McMaster Bujold, The Vor Game
I know my own nation best. That is why I despise it the most. And I know and love my own people, the swine. I’m a patriot, a dangerous man.
-Edward Abbey (quote pulled from Hunter S. Thompson’s Kindom of Fear)
“We are all hunting for rational reasons for believing in the absurd.” Lawrence Durrel from Justine first book of The Alexandria Quartet
“I’d rather be lonely than sorry.” Charlie Watts
“It is better to be envied than pitied.” Herodotus
“Today’s today. Tomorrow, we many be ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity.” Euripides
“Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.” Zeuxis
“Man, if you gotta ask you’ll never know.” Louis Armstrong
“When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.” Gen. Creighton W. Abrams
How good bad music and bad reasons sound when we march against an enemy.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I have a lot in common with Oscar Schindler. We both made shells for the nazis, but mine worked damn it! - Mr Burns
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
“Can’t you see that you’re not making Christianity better? You’re just making rock and roll worse.” - Hank Hill to a bunch of Christian rockers
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge - Charles Darwin
I’d trade it all for a little more. - Mr Burns
A lie can get around the world before the truth can get its boots on - Mark Twain
If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. - Mister Boffo
Treason doth never prosper. What’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason. - Sir John Harington
I don’t care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I’m not going to give her to 'em.
When the big nations quit meddling, then the world will have peace
Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else’s affairs.
- Will Rogers
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Then, when you do judge him, you’ll be a mile away, plus, he’ll have no shoes. - ?
Reverence: the spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man. - Ambrose Bierce
To do great evil you must believe you are doing a great good. - ?
If you believe what you like in the gospel, and reject what you don’t like, it is not the gospel you believe, but yourself." – St. Augustine of Hippo
Dear God, save us from the people who believe in you. - post-9/11 grafitto
But, I’m funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? - Gandhi
I have more:
“We must laugh before we are happy for fear of dying without laughing at all.” Jean de La Bruyere
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife (husband), you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one you’ll become a philosopher” Socrates
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in the family.” Laurence Housman
“Flirtation: attention without intention.” Max O’Rell
“I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do.” Willa Cather
“We don’t know one millionth of one per cent about anything.” Thomas Alva Edison
“What is mind? No matter.What is matter? Never mind.” Thomas Hewitt Key
“Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.” Henry Brooks Adams (defining philosophy)
Somewhere–in dedolate wind-swept space
In Twilight-land–in No-man’s-land–
Two hurrying Shapes met face to face,
And bade each other stand.
“And who are you?” cried one a-gape,
Shuddering in the gloaming light.
“I know not,” said the second Shape,
“I only died last night.”
Thomas Bailey Aldrich
“No man is a hero to his valet.” Madame Anne Marie Cornuel
“Men always want to be a woman’s first love; women have a more subtle instinct: what they like is to be a man’s last romance.” Oscar Wilde
“Love: a grave mental disease.” Plato
Oh! don’t the days seem lank and long,
When all goes right and nothing goes wrong?
And isn’t life extremely flat
With nothing whatever to grumble at?
William Schwenck Gilbert
“Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos.” --Don Kardong
“A lobster does not have testicles. I’ve looked.” - Mick Foley
“The great tragedy of science – the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact” – Thomas Huxley
“Cats aren’t clean; they’re just covered with cat spit.” - John S. Nichols
“So I prayed; I did not pray to get my own way, because I am smart enough to know that that is not always in my best interests.” - Anne Lamott
"A condition of complete simplicity,
Costing not less than everything. " -T.S. Eliot, “Little Gidding”
"What about the main thing in life, all its riddles? If you want, I’ll spell it out for you right now. Do not pursue what is illusory, property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade, and is confiscated in one fell night.
Live with a steady superiority over life - don’t be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn after happiness; it is, after all, all the same: the bitter doesn’t last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing. It is enough if you don’t freeze in the cold and if thirst and hunger don’t claw at your insides. If your back isn’t broken, if your feet can walk, if both arms can bend, if both eyes see, and if both ears hear, then whom should you envy? And why? Our envy of others devours us most of all.
Rub your eyes and purify your heart - and prize above all else in the world those who love you and who wish you well. Do not hurt them or scold them, and never part from any of them in anger; after all, you simply do not know: it might be your last act before your arrest, and that will be how you will be imprinted in their memory. "
- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn from “The Gulag Archipelago”
“We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.” - Oscar Wilde
“Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” - Charlotte Whitton
“At 20 years of age, the will reigns; at 30, the wit; at 40, the judgment.” - Ben Franklin
Bob Thaves (cartoonist, “Frank and Ernest”) on Fred Astaire: “Sure he was great, but don’t forget that Ginger Rogers did everything he did …backwards and in high heels.”
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom - Anais Nin
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves - Albert Einstein (what a smart man… 
)
Actually, not so anonymous. It was Roger Miller.
“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist…”
- the last words of General Sedgewick (American Civil War)
“I have better things to do than stand here listening to you quote yourself.”
- John Adams (in the movie 1776)
Awards are like hemorrhoids; in the end, every asshole gets one.
– Frederick Raphael
Unfounded beliefs are the homage which impulse pays to reason.
– Bertrand Russell
The mind of the bigot is like the pupil of the eye; the more light you pour upon it, the more it will contract.
– Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Sports do not build character. They reveal it.
– Heywood Hale Broun
If all these sweet, young things were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised.
– Dorothy Parker
There are in nature neither rewards nor punishments – there are consequences.
– Robert G. Ingersoll
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
– Steven Wright
Do not create a child to be a post set in an orthodox row; raise investigators and thinkers, not disciples and followers; cultivate reason, not faith; cultivate investigation, not superstition.
– Robert G. Ingersoll
The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
– Muhammad Ali
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
– Fred Allen
A thief believes everybody steals.
– E. W. Howe
A thing isn’t necessarily a lie even if it didn’t necessarily happen.
Steinbeck
“We learn from failure, not from success!” – Abraham Van Helsing (in Stoker’s Dracula)
“We know, then, that in everything man conceives, he must devote himself to conceiving it in spendor.” – Regine Pernoud
“I can’t teach you anything, but there is nothing under God’s heaven you can’t learn.” – George Lyman Kittredge
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
-Calvin Coolidge
Bike Rider, you should change your name to Great Big Bed, because, at least for the moment you are a four-poster! 
Welcome to the boards!