I have a male Japanese friend who is 39 and is having what I think is a mid-life crisis.
He’s obsessing that he is “old” and must now act and feel “old”. In reality, he looks, acts, and feels young. Snowboards, skates, plays music, sings. Simply not old.
I’ve tried to explain to him that age is a state of mind. He takes that statement literally and says then he would be immortal. Ugh. I’ve tried explaining that age is a perception. Old people can act young and vice versa. He maintains it’s not a feeling, but rather it’s a point in life. He says that when he’s 40, he will have to give up doing the stuff that young people do because he will be old.
Please help me explain that it’s not a black/white thing. You can’t answer the question, “Am I old?” the same way you would answer the question, “Do you own a car?”
I’m about ready to bang my head against my laptop.
I’ve known a few people to do this. They get to a point where they decide they’re old, or of a certain age, and then start throwing out the hobbies and behaviors they previously enjoyed. Sometimes it’s not entirely bad (ie, no longer going to the bar every friday and saturday night to get drunk), sometimes it’s absolutely assinine (“I’m too old to play (sport or game)” or “Cartoons are for kids, so I stopped watching Family Guy”).
There’s no reason you shouldn’t enjoy the activities that you enjoy for as long as you are physically and mentally able to do them.
IMHO, it’s due to the false polarity. Thirty-nine is no longer “young,” therefore the default identity is “old.” IRL, we each have to forge our individual identities not necessarily with calendars but as we go through phases and major events.
He is middle-aged, but he has the choice to be the kind of middle-aged person he wants. There is a certain freedom about getting older, and he should enjoy that.
Yeah, but let’s be realistic here. You can keep doing all the shit you used to enjoy doing, but now you’re judged differently from when you were young. You’re 50 and still playing video games, for example? I personally think that’s fine but most of America will think you’re a loser. That’s what makes aging a bitch, not that you are functionally unable to do shit anymore. And if you are one of those rare birds who can truly do what you want no matter what anyone thinks, my hat’s off to you.
I am old, and this is the most perplexing part of it. It’s Friday night, I’ve got plenty of money and time, the missus is out of town… and just where am I supposed to be? All the clubs and bars are geared toward youngsters trying to hook up. I feel kinda goofy going solo to a nice restaurant. I could go to the movies tonight and see… Battleship? Spider Man? The Avengers? (Seriously?) I no longer belong at any of my old haunts.
Maybe this is what your friend is seeing? The fact that I would no longer fit in at many places sorta snuck up on me.
I guess I’ll have to suck it up and learn to like golf. :rolleyes:
I still play with Megabloks® which are like mega-sized Legos and are age appropriate for one-plus years old. Given enough blocks (800 or so) one can make a fort taller than the average eight year old.
But I don’t tell anyone else about it.
My SO thinks I’m nuts, which is probably an accurate diagnosis.
That’s just silly. There are plenty of 50+ people who play video games in their leisure time. It’s not any different than watching a movie or reading books, and nobody considers those activities to be loser-type activities. If anything, I see playing video games gaining a much wider acceptance, with all the Facebook & mobile games on the market.
I’d rather be old and playing games over being old and deciding that because I’m old, I can’t do <xxx> because that’s for youngsters. That’s how you GET old, IMO. And “old” is definitely a state of mind. Once you decide you’re “old”, you tend to give up on stuff. My mother is my shining beacon of what to do when you’re old. At 76, she still seeks out fashionable clothing, learns new technologies (she’s thinking of getting an iPhone in the near future), tries to work out just aboue every day, and watches a lot of the same TV and reads the same books as I do. I plan on doing the same at her age. My body might get old, but there’s no reason to let my brain get old.
I think the standards for behavior of old people have changed with the Boomer generation. Rock music used to be a “young person” thing, but as the Boomers got old you now see things like Mick Jagger still out there prancing around. I know enough 50-something guys who are in rock bands (on a smaller scale than the Stones obviously) that it doesn’t seem weird to me at all.
I have no doubt that as gamers get older, it will become normal for old people to still play video games too.
I think the main reason you don’t see as many old people out at bars or whatever is because many people get married, have kids, and just have other things to worry about than partying. A generation ago, being childless and unmarried seemed much weirder to people than it is nowadays. However these days, there are many old people who don’t have spouses or kids and therefore still have the time and energy to do outside activities at older ages than before.
But then again, look at all the old people out there raising their grandkids because their kids screwed up. If they have energy to deal with kids, then there’s no reason an old person can’t still find the energy to do fun things too.
Why are you arguing with me? I said I don’t think it’s a big deal. Improving? Maybe. But you are wrong if you think that it’s not a pervasive prejudice.
In the case of video games, one factor is that the arcade/Atari/NES era players, the originals, are getting old. Assuming that they still enjoy what they spent their youth on, and the rise of the casual mobile game (which many probably don’t see as a “video game,” but is), I think it’ll be seen as less and less unusual as time passes.
I’m not arguing with you, I’m just bitching about the idea in general. It sounds like something you read in women’s magazines: “OMG, I want to date an ADULT but all the guys I meet STILL PLAY VIDEO GAMES!!!” I also question that it’s a pervasive prejudice, because I question that most people out there even have an opinion on it. In other words, it sounds like a good way to sell media, not an actual thing that people really care about.
But hey, I could be wrong. It’s not like I really spend much time with anyone who cares about how much time people of different ages play video games, or do anything else with their time. So… <shrug>
It may be that your friend is missing role models for active middle aged types. It may be that they only know young people and their older parents - they percieve that they are no longer a young person, so therefore they must be in that other category. IMHO it’s OK for them to see that they are no longer fitting in with the 20 somethings, but they need to find a cohort that is not “old” to associate themselves with. They need to embrace “middle aged” as a concept and keep doing what they are doing. There is plenty of time to be old later.
Sounds like this guy needs to read up on ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) and get himself moving forward instead of feeling sorry for himself. Old at 39? What a stupid notion.
It can be traumatic when you’re approaching those milestone decade birthdays. I can vividly remember when I was turning 30 I went through a bunch of deep soul searching angst.
One of the guys who used to be in my RP group was the same way - he literally said when he ditched us a while back, that he doesn’t want to be ‘one of those guys still playing RPGs at 40’.
(This was particularly annoying, as he was one of the younger guys in the group - I’m oldest by several months (turn 36 in a couple weeks), he’s in his early 30s (and was in his late 20s when he said this!) - the youngest in the group recently turned 29.)
This is not a judgment, its a theory verified by some gay friends. Gay men seem to think they have a shorter shelf life than most. OTOH they know a lot about looking/acting/being younger than they look too.