(Old) Tell A Stoopid Joke MMP!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

I was on the 300 Slide again. Really busy, sort ran long, and the drivers got out late. Cleanup wasn’t too bad. On the way home, I was at the red light in the right turn lane with 3 cars ahead of me, when a Hyundai pulled up behind me and started leaning on the horn. Like the four of us were just blocking the lane to annoy them. I filled up the vermin feeder when I got home, lest Onan drop another tree on the apartment.

We wouldn’t judge you for it. Much.

The Multifactor Authenticator app for work thinks I’m in Hoboken, NJ. :thinking:

Sounds like an overdone bucket of KFC.

They shoud do something before you wind up with black mold.

When I have to fast, I get testy.

I used to date this girl, then I found out she made banners for the local Communist party. That was a huge red flag.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the pool? Bob.

82

What is Australia’s biggest export? Boomerangs.

What is Australia’s biggest import? Also boomerangs.

83

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Back from food acquisition. I was happy to see my favorite cereal is back in stock! I got 2 boxes, just in case. But I was perplexed to see that the fat-free yogurt wasn’t available at Food Lion - not just not on the shelf, but no place for it to go even if they had some. I hope this is just a temporary thing and not the end of my favorite yogurt.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion… and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

84

Do love this. Sort of like a duck - on the top side, just gliding. But on the bottom side, paddling like hell. I wish them all the best. Fuck cancer.

I mentioned the sausage and pineapple pizza to hubby and we started discussing what doesn’t belong on pizza. He actually mentioned macaroni.

And then I mentioned putting mac and cheese on a pizza.

Now I want to know is who else is listening in on our conversations?

Yay! Happy Sadie news!

This one I had to share with hubby. He groaned.

We got RAIN today! Happy!

Supposedly this might be the beginning of a week of high humidity with storms!

Now the sun’s come back out and everyone’s out on their balconies or out in their gardens. It’s almost noisy outside, there are so many people out and about.

Tomato plants got a bit of a thrashing. Hope we get some tomatoes this year.

85

Yes, that works better.

mmm

86

Pro tip, courtesy of my Sweet Manager who lived in East Texas for years: wet a bandana, and stick in in the freezer for a while, then either tie it over your head or around your neck.

Last summer I had a small grocery bag of wet bandanas hidden in the freezer at work. Sprinkles caught on quickly, so I “had” to tuck in an extra one for her. (I’d rather not share things that go on hair, but she’s a sweetie & I look out for her when I can.)

She has a lot of challenges (ADHD, occasional panic attacks, somewhere on the autism spectrum, her mom died a few years ago, she has physical issues … and that’s just what I know about) but she is observant as hell.

She’ll pick up on bad habits as well as good, which is sometimes annoying … and sometimes acts as a good self-police incentive. (“Gotta set a good example!”)

She friggin’ loved the stickers, BTW, and since we all have today off, I hope she’s joyfully plastering her new apt. with them. She just moved into her own place, and is even occasionally driving her boyfriend’s car into work, which is a huge leap into adulting considering how much help/support she needed just a few years ago when I first met her.

87

Back for more, cuz I’m bored sitting in front of Coolio and procrastinating on moving the trash bin back (it’s friggin’ HAWT out there!) and swapping out Monkey’s litter box (bleah!) and moving laundry from washer → dryer (it’s nice & cool in the basement, but I’d hafta, yanno, get up).

Oh, absolutely. Bindweed (basically wild morning glory) is notorious for this, among many others.

{ KUDZU has entered the chat }

I have now made two pizzas that were just black olives & garlic. (Not for me - some psycho customer order, once from awhile back, once from last week.) Damn things look like they came out of a black & white TV set .. just zero color.

Smelled interesting. I do not do olives, but am a big fan of roasted garlic.

Alexa?

Oh, and thinking of yesterday’s shift … the entire crew is aware of my animosity against mushrooms, so when I had to slice & bag up, back to back, a big deluxe with double mushrooms, and then right after that a medium JUST mushrooms, S.M. who was working the ovens had herself a quiet laugh. (“Sorry, Shoe.”)

88

Feels weird to not be going to work. I’m still responding to work emails and putting out fires from home. Too hot out to do anything outside, may tackle some inside projects that need attention. May nap. Future is unclear.

89

My brother’s favorite joke:

Johnny is looking out the window in class. Teacher says "What are you looking at, Johnny. He says “I’m lookin’ at the boids.” "Those are ‘birds’, not ‘boids’. Johnny replies “Well, they choips like boids!” I never really got it, either. His other favorite:

Teacher on first day of school: Let’s go around and tell everyone our names.
Little boy: My name is Asshole.
Teacher: That’s rude. What’s your real name?
LB: My name is Asshole.
Teacher: I’m giving you a note to take home to your mother, you nasty boy!
LB to his brother: Well, c’mon Shithead; she won’t believe you, either.

90

FCMom, an old gardeners’ joke, told to me by an old gardener: “How do you tell the weeds from the other plants? Tear everything out, and the stuff that grows back is the weeds.” He also told me not to be too hard on myself. “You can’t call yourself an experienced gardener until you’ve killed 1000 plants.”

91

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?

Drumsticks for everybody!

92

For several months, Lady SCAdian kept getting ads for condos in Latvia. (or was it Lithuuania? One of the two.)

I’ve seen mac-and-cheese pizzas in the coffin freezers at Aldi. Big Y occasionally has them in their deli section.

Reminds me of one of those little bottom-of-the-page fillers in Reader’s Digest years back. “When I was in Minneapolis, my name was Earl and I was in the oil business. Then I moved to New Jersey. Now my name is Oil and I sell erl.” (Quote not necessarily correct.)

93

oh VanGo I wasn’t able to read some of Friday’s or any of Saturday’s or Sunday’s Furniture MMP so I must have missed something. :people_hugging:

94

No worries, I’m just on my first paid vacation ever. Nothing wrong, well except my back being bothersome.

95

Howdy Y’all! Laundry got done and sloth commenced the rest of the day. We did an early sup and sat out on the back porch and watched it rain whilst day drinkin’. Ah the RDOS life! The jokes are givin’ me giggles. I even got the old grouch to crack a smile for a few of 'em.

Coppertone good luck with orientation. Yay for new faucet! Knowin’ it’s not a leak in the ceilin’ or roof is a relief, I guess? Still a drip is annoyin’.

MetalMouse glad you continue to have a good time.

Lily hope all goes/went well today.

Cat_Glove I live to amuse. Also, occasionally to annoy.

Mollie glad you got to have a good discussion with Maggie last night. I am sure you were quite the looker! You said it about payin’ attention while on the road.

MOOOOOOM I spray the bug repellent all over myself. Well, I don’t spray directly on my face, but spray it in the palms of my hands and gently rub it on forehead, cheeks (face cheeks you preverts!), and behind my ears.

Dicey I mentioned the idea of bacon, mac & cheese pizza to OYKW. He said if I ever did that he would take it as a sign I am ready for the home.

shoe glad things seem to be lookin’ up for Sprinkles. I am sure she’s havin’ a blast with the stickers. Ummm… I like black olives and I like garlic and both are good together on pizza, but ya know, it would need other stuff to be a good pizza.

96

So… many… great… jokes!! :smiley:

Today started with 51Ferrets, is currently at 87F and is supposed to stop climbing at 88F. I do hope so. It stayed cool for quite awhile this morning and I had the house opened wide from around 7:00 a.m. till 9-ish. We have another warm day coming up, but then it cools down nicely on Thursday with forecast a forecast high of 76F. Lucky us!

rocker, well done to you for foiling Koritza’s efforts to get at the fish, and terrific news that she’s back to her normal self.

Thanks, cat glove! He did show, more on this in a bit. :slight_smile:

Glad to hear Sadie’s appetite disruption has been solved, cookie. Sure hope the cardboard fix alleviates your overheated apartment issues. It sounds miserable.

metal mouse, you are a roller coaster slut! :smiley: I love hearing about your enjoyment of them and the rest of your trip, so thanks again for checking in on the regular.

dicey, the rabbit joke is a standout. I’ll be sharing that one around. Sorry about the desk disruption. Meant also to thank you for the avocado recipe in the last MMP thread – I will get around to trying that!

FCM, place is looking good! With all your invested labor, it certainly should!

I see you lived to post another day. Definitely keep an eye on that little assassin.

< groan > Really good, though!

Assassination efforts deterred for another day. I guess that’s all you can do. Continue to sleep with one eye open.

nellie, always good to see you posting!

JtC, the country drive sounds lovely except for the pain it caused you. I hope the shine is decent compensation.

Taters, travel safe and enjoy your “me” time! At least it’s a pretty drive. :slight_smile:

Those are all really thoughtful gifts, oopsie. I’m sure all recipients will be delighted with them.

swampy, I’m another fan of the dog joke. ::smiley:

Lily, safe travels to you, too! Good luck with dental appliance management!

Huh. I wonder where he got the keychain. That could come in handy. I knew someone who once quit their job at lunchtime by sticking a tiny Post-It note on their computer monitor: “I quit.” I always thought the Post-It note was a classy touch.

Thanks for another swell sunrise photo, Mollie! I’m glad you made it out for your walk today, too. I hope the meeting between Vickie and Mrs. Magill is arranged.

Red, Best wishes for whatever you must do/learn at the infection disease doctor’s today. I’ll be sending good vibes.

Shoe, you do have the most wonderful stories! I never realized working in a pizza place could yield so much drama! It’s fun being a fly on your wall. So to speak. :slight_smile: And it’s great to hear how happy Sprinkles was with her stickers.

Ah, yes, the Pond Guy. He turned up around 4:00 p.m. and had a good look at what was going on. He feels it is a fairly straightforward fix. It will involve rocks, gravel and rearranging some of the Bentonite mud that’s already in the pond, plus we’ll add a wee liner to the troublesome spot and hold it in place with more gravel. He thinks he can keep the cost to under $1,000, so long as he and his family can come pick Chanterelle mushrooms in the fall. I have no problem with that! He and I hit it off nicely, so I will enjoy getting to know him and his family.

Today I learned that the little gas 'n grocery pit stop about 3 miles from my place that used to sell non-ethanol gas… doesn’t sell it anymore, so my plans to do some mowing today were thwarted. It looks like there’s another place about 8 miles away. Fingers crossed. I have a trip to town planned for tomorrow for a boob squish and the place I hope sells it is on the way. If they don’t, sourcing another non-ethanol place looks like it is going to be a royal PITA.

Ollie is suffering with skin allergy issues from being off his regular meds. I got him a Cytopoint injection while he’s off his Zenrelia tablets to alleviate his itching, but it’s not helping him at all. I gave him a bath yesterday with medicated shampoo and that helped a lot. It’s another week till he can get his vaccination shot – the whole reason he’s off his regular meds in the first place. I will be glad when we’re done with this Medication Shuffle. Never had a dog with skin issues before. It’s no joke.

Breakfast was a chopped apple with vanilla yogurt and cinnamon. No idea what to make for dinner. Maybe a salad with protein. Or a hot dog. Or a burrito. Or something.

Hope everyone has a great afternoon/evening!

97

At 5:30pm it’s 89°F outside and 80° in my home office: there are still 2.5 hours left of this online meeting (being held on the left coast), but I think they’ll be taking a break in 30 min and I’ll be able to make some dinner. I did briefly decamp to the kitchen table at around 4pm, but only reveled in the slightly cooler floor for a little while: I discovered that I’d forgotten to bring home my extra laptop power cord. :woman_facepalming: Disconnecting everything from the docking station just to bring it downstairs for power would have been kind of ridiculous, so back upstairs I am. (I :heart: fans!) At least the sun is no longer shining directly on the house, so the inside temps are gradually cooling…gradually. It doesn’t help that this morning I changed the thermostat setting from 73 to 75, in a nod to today’s 92° high and the triple digits we’re expecting (again) tomorrow and Thursday.

I’d planned to not start working until around 10am today, due to knowing that I’d be in a meeting until 8pm, but of course there were two fires first thing so I’ve been working since 8am. A 12-hour day is what I get for looking at my email early. :wink: I’m hoping tomorrow – day 2 of this meeting – won’t follow suit. At least I won’t have to use any leave on Friday morning (mammogram); maybe I’ll also be able to start my weekend a little early.

Today was trash day, so when this meeting is over I’ll haul the biiiiiig can in from the curb and park it back in the garage…until I put it out again Thursday evening. I like that there are pickups twice a week here: at some point I’ll only need once a week, but while I’m still buying stuff for the house I’m generating a lot of trash.

I did find a Lego set on Amazon to order. :grin: It will be here on Thursday, and was ~20% cheaper than on the Lego site! I don’t remember ever seeing a difference like that before: usually, if something is available on the Lego site the price on Amazon is the same. Anyway, I’m getting the small Hogwarts set (for comparison, this is the big one).

I had mac & cheese pizza once: it was very good!

In my old house, at this time of year the late afternoon sun would hit the living room windows at a brutal angle: I started hanging a big room-darkening curtain in front of them every summer. It looked like crap, but made a huge difference in keeping the room/house cool!

When I drive home after work there’s one intersection where I need to make a left from the right lane, which is the only lane for right turns but is one of those “you can go left/straight/right” things. An amazing number of people who want to turn right become furious when the light changes and I actually stop vs making a left turn on red for them…horns beep, people zoom around me (when the next lane is empty) and turn in front of me, etc. Maryland drivers are insane. :wink:

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter, they aren’t going to come when you call them.

Must be that time of year! :wink:

[It’s now 6:19pm – 3:19pm on the left coast – and this stupid meeting hasn’t taken a break yet. Meh! I’ll take the Bluetooth speaker downstairs and make dinner.]

98

Must be! Hope yours goes without issues or discomfort. Mine are always a nothing burger. Which is fine!

99

Thanks…and same! (:crossed_fingers: ) I hate getting them in July, though, because of the “no deodorant” thing: I always shower right before I leave and then just figure/hope that the tech has dealt with worse. :wink:

100

Ugh, I’m right there with you! And thanks for reminding me I’d better go get busy with some depilatory cream! I may live in Oregon, but I’m not a savage! :wink: