I’m going to train for the Olympics starting today!
Column in question.
Start with push-ups.
Cecil cracks a joke at the end, playing off the idea that Olympic athletes are amateurs.
That’s quite a bit out of date …
Same here. Which sport is the best to break into at the age of 44?
Dressage.
And target-shooting…
You could always become a handballer.
What? The handball matches I’ve seen are very much not what I would suggest a mid-40s person start with.
Now curling, that might still be workable.
No, handball instead of the olympics orgy.
[Foghorn Leghorn]“It’s a joke, I say, it’s a joke, son.” [/Foghorn Leghorn]
Historically, fencing was the old man’s sport, but the modern kiss-me-quick style imposed by electric scoring has spoiled that.
You should take a peak at what modern curlers do in the way of fitness routines. Having taken up the sport in my dotage, I can state with some degree of rectitude that becoming an Olympic curler starting in your 40s is not an easily do-able thing.
It is, however, a very pleasant sport to take up, if you don’t mind scrubbing the kitchen floor for over 50’ 48 times or so a match. 
Oh, I’m quite sure it’s not an easy thing to do, but if you start with the premise that you’re in your 40s and wanting to start training to get to the Olympics, curling’s going to be closer to the top of the list than most.
Although, probably the best answer is to find some sport where you can still “Eddie the Eagle” it–as I recall the Sydney Olympics had a guy who had learned to swim less than a year before, and I think the Salt Lake Olympics had a cross-country skier from Thailand where they had to give him special rules–soon as he got lapped, he had to leave the course.
The rules have been tightened up quite a bit since then. You really need to be from a non-traditional Olympic powerhouse nation for that to work. And even then there are only a few slots for athletes who wouldn’t otherwise qualify.
No indeed. There are older curlers in the Olympics, but they are skips–the position which requires the most experience, and which doesn’t require sweeping. You can do it in your 40’s or even 50’s–if you start in your teens. Or earlier. Hell, in Canada I think they start by having sperms swim out of the hack at conception.
Remember, the goal isn’t to do well at the Olympics, the goal is to get into the Olympic village. Lot’s of unbelievably low quality athletes have made it. One of my favorites is this heat “winner” from Equatorial Guinea. I can easily beat his time by 20+ seconds and I’m mumble times his age.
A curling team from Malawi would just need to know which end of the broom you sweep with.
Actually, I just looked at the qualification requirements for the 2014 Olympic curling entries.
They only allow 10 teams total. One team is Russia (host country gets an automatic entry in every event). The next 7 teams are the countries that scored the most points in the 2012/2013 curling championships, and the last two entries are determined by a final qualification event.
So it seems unlikely that an ad-hoc team from a random country would make it anywhere close to the Olympics.
So regardless of required fitness levels, curling may not have been the right option.
Hmmm, what about whichever position in doubles luge that requires the least amount of talent?
Swimmer claims getting locked out overnight for roomy’s tryst cost her event: