On leaving the SDMB in my will.

I don’t know if any of you remember but a few months ago I was here asking for help with looking for sites to deal with bipolar depression. Unfortunately none of them really worked out but I am still very grateful for your help.

Since then there have been some pretty bad setbacks in my life. I am still holding onto a job but my doctor is begging me to go on disability. I think though if I do there is no going back for my career or life. My therapist wants me to get out of my current job because of work bullying and harassment but I haven’t had much luck finding other employment here–and my doctor thought I wasn’t stable enough to go looking elsewhere. I am on massive amounts of medication but I’m still racing from manic to depressed repeatedly. My home life is an absolute ruin, I am fighting repeatedly with my wife who I love dearly but many days have a difficult time being around, my stepson is spiraling into drug addiction and has gone from honor student to future dropout in two years. We’ve taken him to therapy, counseling, everything we can afford and nothing has worked. He and my wife fight pretty much on a daily basis and I can’t take it any more especially after being harassed at work to come home to that is too much. In my bipolar state I simply cannot handle the absolute chaos at home and I will likely be leaving home before the end of the week. I know it feels like giving up but I’ve threatened suicide at home and I can’t go down that road again.

I don’t see this ending well at all. I have no friends to stay with and I really don’t know where I’ll be ending up. I don’t want to stay with strangers because I am afraid for them to see me. I’ve been to a mental hospital and I would rather be put in jail, having already been assaulted at a hospital once and gotten less than zero treatment there.

During my more lucid periods I realize that I should probably leave my affairs in order in case it all gets too much. Despite everything that’s happened I do love my family and I don’t want to leave them in a financial bind. I have managed to save up a good amount of money and there will be a life insurance policy if something happens to me. But I want to be able to leave something to people who helped me on the way, even if it is just a little bit. I already have plans for a scholarship and a couple of other worthy causes in the community. But I want to thank this board as well in any way I can.

Is there a way I can do that? I know from looking through the board archives that one cannot just give money to the SDMB because it is not a charity. But that does not prevent one from leaving money to it in an estate. I know I can’t give much and I don’t want things to come to that, but it would be good to know that I kept you going for even a little bit. Thanks.

How could it be set so that the money will be left to the SDMB, and not jut to the people that now own it?

Additional question: How do I go about leaving my body to the SDMB?

If you think this is a joke, I can assure you it is not.

I’m taking your question seriously, which is why I wondered if it were possible to leave it to the SDMB and not just to the people that own it. My separate follow-up question was just a jest.

The SDMB is affiliated/run by those who run the Straight Dope newspaper column, which is based out of The Chicago Reader(I believe), all of which is owned by Sun-Times Media, LLC.

Thank us by sticking around and interacting with us. If you really need to think about dire eventualities, focus on your family and forget about this place. To quote a favorite author, I wish you way more than luck.

What Crotalus said.

And it is typical unhealthy thinking that your only choices are jail, the madhouse, or at an currently untenablehome situation. And you feel too exhausted to set up a temporary home for yourself.

There are other options, especially if you have some money. Ask your doctor about it. he may know of some resting places. Sanatoria, they used to be called. A bit like hotels, in that you are free to come, go or just rest and come to your senses. Such places are staffed by people who leave you alone if you need that, and offer a listening ear or other help when that is what you need.

Jesus Christ, Czarcasm, grow a soul.

Cognascant, you need to talk to your therapist. You are having suicidal ideation and that is far from good. Depression is something you know, and because you do know, you know that what you are feeling now is not you. It’s not you. This is not who you are.

ETA: what meds are you on? Perhaps I can help.


Some mental hospitals are awful places and don’t really help. I’m very sorry that you found yourself in such a place. But you can’t conclude from that experience that no hospital can help. Talk to your doctor and ask for advice finding the right hospital. It won’t be a fun experience, but somewhere out there is a hospital that can give you the help you need. And once you get it, then you’ll be able to deal with the other problems much better.

I was terrified to quit my job (also with a bullying boss) and sure if I left it I’d never be able to get back into the industry I work in, which has a tight job market. But after three months spent healing, I was a much healthier and more hireable person, and able to find a new job–with people who appreciate me–much more easily.

I agree with this. These thoughts about death you are having are very concerning. Please be honest with your psychiatrist and your therapist that you have been thinking about death, even if you are not actually intending to do something to hurt yourself.

If things have gotten so bad at work that it is making you feel like life is overwhelming, then maybe you can at least look into taking a medical leave of absence from work or something. If you have some money saved up, then I think it makes sense to at least try to take a break and see if you can get healthy again before giving up on life.

Good luck. Please keep everyone updated.

Assuming it’s more than a pittance, you could hire a lawyer to set up a trust with the condition that the trust managers use it for the benefit of the SDMB. You’d define what ‘benefit’ is (e.g. for hardware, moderator jackboot polish, etc.) according to whatever you want, and what happens to the funds if the SDMB fails to use them or folds, and who the fiduciaries should be. The owners (assuming they’re not the fiduciaries) would have a motivation to use the monies to better the Board, as they’d indirectly benefit from increased ad or subscription revenue. You could even make them the fiduciary, but their understanding (and adherence) is probably more limited than a separate firm.
As for the body, I’m going to leave mine to the SDMB too, but a little differently. Im having one-inch cubes cut from my carcass and hidden somewhere in Doper’s houses.

Thank you.

We don’t want your body or your money! We want you to hang around and continue posting. Please heed the advice (almost) everyone else has given, and take care of yourself. There are resources available and people, even on this message board, who can help you find them. Don’t make any big decisions while you are feeling this bad.


Sorry I haven’t written back earlier. Things aren’t going well at home either and I haven’t found a place to stay yet. Probably soon. Another bad fight at home last night that I was blindsided with. Obviously in my state I’m trying to avoid conflict as much as I can, but she wouldn’t let it go.

As someone asked–right now I am on 900 mg lithium, 30 mg Wellbutrin (not sure if that’s just water on a gasoline fire at this point), and 4 mg klonopin. I hear 1 of klonopin is normal. 4 doesn’t even seem to be affecting me all that much. I heard about one “normal” person who took half of one and it wiped them out for two days. It felt like morbid humor that I’m taking 8 times as much daily and I’m still in constant fear, staying up some nights and having more energy than I know what to do with. Anyway.

I’ve told my doctor and counselor about the suicidal thoughts. Not sure if they’re taking me seriously. I guess most of their patients with what I have aren’t well enough to hold down a job or handle a family so maybe I’m not as bad off as they think. I did take a medical leave of absence from work about two months ago. The intent was that I would be away a week. Cleared it with my boss, filled out reams of paperwork, got notices from doctor and counselor, everything. I knew one of my co-workers had my cell number already so I told her DO NOT CALL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES UNLESS THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE GODDAMNIT. She agreed. Two days into the leave I get a call from a number I didn’t recognize. Thought (I didn’t look at it quickly) it might be from my dad, whose wife is terminally ill. No, it was from someone at work calling from her cellphone because she knew if she called from her work line I would recognize it. Despite repeatedly stressing to the co-worker that nobody else was to have that number she went ahead and gave it away. Allegedly there was a problem with a vendor concerning an extremely stressful project I had taken over a month to put together and only I could fix the problem because blah blah blah. 15 minutes later THE VENDOR called. Totally unable to even explain the problem. I finally told her to go away and call back when she could identify the problem. An hour passed before she called back, “Uh, it was on our end, sorry <click>.” This is the passel of idiots I work with. I furious for days and finally cut my break short because I realized I was even more stressed to be away from the office than there. So needless to say I am thinking there is little point in a “short-term” disability. Either I keep working or I leave entirely, because there is no concept of “being away from the office” at this location. I mean, this is a place where in my previous post I routinely would get e-mails from our CEO at 2:30 in the morning. But anyway.

So yeah the suicide problems, yeah. I’ve even disposed of the letter opener or anything else sharp here. No guns in the house (doctor keeps asking that). I call hotlines, I do everything I can when the bad stuff starts happening. I don’t feel like I can go through with it now. I’ve been there before and I can feel the difference. It’s like the difference between “I wouldn’t mind being dead” and “I’ll bet they’ll never find me if I jump in that part of the river”. But I fear going from the first to the second, sometimes.

Maastricht, I have thought about going to a hotel or B&B or something for a while. I was doing that for part of my earlier leave. Been looking for another job, even though the doctor is concerned about upheaval in my life, but it’s been frustrating so far. (Aside: why would a headhunter email you promising to call you about a position and then not bother to call you? It’s happened more than once now. What do they get out of it?) We’re having a meeting soon about the bully in the office. Can’t guarantee anything is actually going to happen, mind you, but at least she knows we’re on to her.

Sorry for my rambling but it’s part of my “cycling” I think. Thank you all for your concern. I don’t know any of you but I really care about you too. I’m going to be away to sort some things out, find out where to live, that kind of thing, but I will be back. Thanks.

Czarcasm is god? I thought that was Clapton?

Seconded. Take good care of yourself, Cognoscant, and know that there are people here who care about you, too, and want only the best for you.

I look forward to hearing from you. Be well.

I wish you nothing but the best, Cognoscant. I also want to reassure you on one point: I have both depression and panic disorder, and in addition to an antidepressant I’m taking 3mg of Klonopin daily. It is by no means knocking me out–it isn’t even keeping all the anxiety away, though it has lessened the frequency of attacks. For the actual panic attacks that blossom into full-on terrorfests, I take Xanax. That’s strictly as-needed.

It’s possible that the Wellbutrin (that I’m assuming you’re taking as a “booster” for your Lithium to fight the depression) is somewhat enhancing your anxiety, even though you’re on a pretty low dose. The combo of depression and anxiety is an incredibly tough one to treat–believe me, I feel you.

There are indeed places to go that will help you where you can check yourself in, that are not the sort of place you’d be sent to not of your own accord. They are more like restful resorts. Please seek them out. And avoid as much toxic stress as you can, as you’ve tried to do by getting away from your work environment.

Fear like this is horrible. I completely understand. There are many of us who understand it–please talk to people in similar situations. It really does help.

You might also consider, with all due respect to your current psychiatrist, getting a second opinion if you’ve been on the meds for awhile and feel like they aren’t doing much for you. Medicating someone with panic and Bipolar issues presents many options, maybe you could benefit from a fresh pair of eyes looking at your medications. Hang in there. Keep in mind 'a feeling is not a fact".
Good luck.