I don’t know if any of you remember but a few months ago I was here asking for help with looking for sites to deal with bipolar depression. Unfortunately none of them really worked out but I am still very grateful for your help.
Since then there have been some pretty bad setbacks in my life. I am still holding onto a job but my doctor is begging me to go on disability. I think though if I do there is no going back for my career or life. My therapist wants me to get out of my current job because of work bullying and harassment but I haven’t had much luck finding other employment here–and my doctor thought I wasn’t stable enough to go looking elsewhere. I am on massive amounts of medication but I’m still racing from manic to depressed repeatedly. My home life is an absolute ruin, I am fighting repeatedly with my wife who I love dearly but many days have a difficult time being around, my stepson is spiraling into drug addiction and has gone from honor student to future dropout in two years. We’ve taken him to therapy, counseling, everything we can afford and nothing has worked. He and my wife fight pretty much on a daily basis and I can’t take it any more especially after being harassed at work to come home to that is too much. In my bipolar state I simply cannot handle the absolute chaos at home and I will likely be leaving home before the end of the week. I know it feels like giving up but I’ve threatened suicide at home and I can’t go down that road again.
I don’t see this ending well at all. I have no friends to stay with and I really don’t know where I’ll be ending up. I don’t want to stay with strangers because I am afraid for them to see me. I’ve been to a mental hospital and I would rather be put in jail, having already been assaulted at a hospital once and gotten less than zero treatment there.
During my more lucid periods I realize that I should probably leave my affairs in order in case it all gets too much. Despite everything that’s happened I do love my family and I don’t want to leave them in a financial bind. I have managed to save up a good amount of money and there will be a life insurance policy if something happens to me. But I want to be able to leave something to people who helped me on the way, even if it is just a little bit. I already have plans for a scholarship and a couple of other worthy causes in the community. But I want to thank this board as well in any way I can.
Is there a way I can do that? I know from looking through the board archives that one cannot just give money to the SDMB because it is not a charity. But that does not prevent one from leaving money to it in an estate. I know I can’t give much and I don’t want things to come to that, but it would be good to know that I kept you going for even a little bit. Thanks.