I couldn’t say that, at this point, my life has been morally satisfying.
I was taught that one must never have any questions about right and wrong. What the Great All-Powerful Mom says is right must be so. Everything else is wrong. If I do or say something wrong because I don’t know what GAPM says, I am evil. If I ask what GAPM says, I am evil because I am trying to make up my own mind about something I should already know. Therefore, I am evil.
I know better now (in theory), but it is truly difficult to decide upon my own morals, and weigh all actions against that. All I can figure is that it is wrong to hurt another person in any way, except in self-defense, and to think and behave in an irrational manner.
It is really hard not to do so most of the time, and if I think I may have meant to do so (often subconsciously) I can feel guilty for years.
Maybe if I can acheive Spock-like control over my emotions, and the thoughts and actions that result from them, I will be satisfied with myself morally. For now, I am a human.
possibly the world’s only naive cynic