Once again, Cute Kid Stories

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

With the advent of the Japanese earthquake and being glued to the computer last friday getting coverage, my children ( who had a day off of school) were not as keen on it as I. They are 12 and 11.

“What about Haiti.” says my 12 year old boy. " They are going to forget about Haiti."

True. But I explain to him it has been a year since Haiti and Haiti looks pretty much the same as it did before their earthquake because Haiti was a shithole. ( Only I used “craphole”, because I’m proper like that.) and then I went on to explain that Japan a year from now will be further along and probably reach more levels of Superawesomeness because, well, it is Japan. They’ve been through the drill before.

This brought out the “Why’s” and “What’s the difference between Haiti and Japan”. People are people it shouldn’t matter. This is the curse of trying to raise your children to think outside the lines.

I explained that Haiti has a shitty economy and corrupt politicians and is a craphole in a tropical location. Then I explained that Japan is one of the leading countries in the world and leads in everything and sets the bar and other countries should pretty much try to be like Japan ( like the US, if we weren’t so American and stuff.)

The conversation segued into " So Japan doesn’t have corruption?"

“Every government has corruption, it is how the system works. Someone gets greedy. Greed makes the world go round.” and then I went into Econ 101 for Japan after WW2 and how EVERYTHING SUCKED ( like it did in Germany,where their Grandparents are from.) for Quite Some Time.) Excellent work ethics are developed when you have a choice between working or starving.

“But people are going to forget about Haiti.”

"Honey, they already have, because Haiti hasn’t given the world anything. Name one thing Haiti has given the world.

Neither of them could think of one thing from Haiti. I named “Voodoo” which is always a crowd pleaser.

“Name one thing Japan has given the world.”

“Ninetendo & Pokemon.” came their replies in a nanosecond and I added
" Godzilla." which, really, nothing trumps Godzilla. Rock, paper, scissors, Godzilla.

The convo went to the economy and how here in Michigan we are hit very hard and how Detroit is really a 3rd world country inside the most affluent nation on earth. ( It.is.a.shithole with some nice spots and tremendous promise, but the economy, corruption of the past politicians and stuff, it will be a shithole for years to come because it is harder to turn things around than it is to burn it all down and start over.)

"What you are saying, “Says my 12 year old. " Is that Detroit needs a big earthquake and tsunami and the people of the world will send help and feel sorry for us instead of fear.”

22

My seven year old is very (and I cannot possibly emphasize how very) into planes. As in, when we fy we usually get to pre board and go to the cockpit of the plane because he recites the entire safety lecture for the people at the counter inside the terminal.

One day I see hims sitting in his room, kind of sad, not crying but obviously “off”. I ask him what’s wrong.

Mom, Im going to tell you something and I don’t want you to be upset.

Well, I can’t promise not to be upset, but if you tell me I won’t yell, we will just fix the problem and talk about it later.

Its nothing like that.

Well, what is it.

When I get big I am not going to live with you any more. I will be a pilot and I will have to live in Toronto or Vancouver to be near a big airport.

(Not being overly enamoured of my home town, and basically living her because I think its good for him to live in a house, near family, and stuff) Well that’s ok. I would probably like to move there too.

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! Then I wouldn’t forget when to take my baths!

23

One day I was in bed doing my best to cope with morning sickness of child #3. Child #2, age 4, ran into my my room and exclaimed with the joy of a 4 yr old, " Mommy! Daddy made blueberry pancakes"! I have always done the shopping, since my husbands idea of complete nutrition is Cap’n Crunch, and I had not purchased wildly expensive, out of season blueberries. I asked him, “Where did the blueberries come from”? He gave me a look of pity complete pity and said in a very patronizing tone, “(sigh), From a bush Mom”.

I had no idea a 4 yr old could be patronizing. Maybe you had to be there.

24

In the Kidlets’ pre-K, how the teachers get adressed appears to change from year to year; sometimes it’s the traditional Señorita (Miss), applied with no regard for actual marriage status (and often used in Spain to mean “female teacher” in general conversation); sometimes it’s plain firstname. For The Kidlet’s class they ended up being Sita Firstname, Miz Firstname.

One time we met one of the teachers on a Sunday morning. He started saying “hello, Si… turns to his Dad. Turns to his Mom. Decides Mom is the person to ask Mom, are sitas sitas if we’re not in school?”

25

During a trip to the zoo my four year old nephew studied the goat pen and announced, “Nana, they’re all girl goats.”
“Really?”
“Yup. All girls.”
He paused, then turned to face my mother, “Wanna know how I can tell?”
“Okay.”
“Boy goats have horns.”

26

My nearly three year old is totally into pirates. We were in the supermarket, and passed a Muslim girl wearing an head scarf. My son got all excited, pointed at her and exclaimed: “Pirate!” . ’

Cos hey, pirates wear headscarves too, right?

The Muslim girl and me could both giggle about it. :slight_smile:

27

Oh, 4 year olds are the *masters *of patronizing! I swear, you can see their little 14 year old future selves staring you in the face.

28

Yesterday, I tripped and fell on the front walk, and skinned up my knees, feet, and hands pretty good. I was still cleaning myself up when my two oldest boys got home from school, and my kindergartener was very concerned…

“Mom, I’m so sad that you’re hurt. But I’m glad you didn’t break the sidewalk, or your bones. And I’m glad you didn’t die.”

29

I’m not sure if this is cute, precisely… but…

We went to a local pizza place for a quick nosh tonight after work and before shopping.

When we were well tucked into it, the waitress came by to check to see if there was anything she could get for us. Papa: “There seems to be something wrong with my beer.” (Squints at glass.) Waitress: “Oh, I see the trouble, it’s empty. I’ll bring you another, then.” Wife: “I’d like some water, please.” Waitress: “Right. A glass of water. Nothing else I can get for you? I’ll be right back…” …and heads off in the direction of the kitchen.

Two-year-old daughter, twisting around in her high chair to call after the waitress: “Oh no! Wait! I have a booger!”

30

In the car on the way to pick up my older daughter from school, I belched. From the back seat, I heard my toddler inquire, “Whass magic word, Mommy?”

31

While eating tuna casserole at family dinner, my then four year old niece announced:

It was all us adults could do not to laugh.

33

My 10 year old asked me to send an email to the Easter Bunny to let him now we’d moved, so that he would still bring us eggs. We talked about it for a bit, and it seemed like she was deadly serious, so I told her: “Look, I hate to have to tell you this, but you are old enough to know that the Easter Bunny is not real. It’s just me and your dad hiding those eggs.” She was devastated. So we talked about it all a bit more, and I said how we buy the chocolate at the shops. She had always thought it was really silly how the shop tried to sell chocolate at Easter, when everyone was going to be getting it from the Easter Bunny anyway. She said: “It’s like at Christmas, and they have all those Santa suits … wait, hang on … you mean Santa’s not real either?”. Poor honey, she was heartbroken, and I just could not stop laughing.

34

My now grown son got in trouble back in the day at day care. I think he was 4 at the time.

The discussion was the differences between boys and girls. He immediately piped up: “Girls don’t have belly buttons!”

The teacher was rather shocked. “Girls have belly buttons, too, VunderKind.”

“No they don’t!” The exchange got rather heated, to the point he was trembling and crying, and had to be separated from the rest of the class until he calmed down.

The director told us about the incident a day or two later, and she was perplexed about his idea. My wife spoke up, “As a matter of fact, I don’t have a belly button.” She did a :eek:

Days after VunderKind was born by c-section, my wife eviscerated, and an abdominal hernia was the eventual result. When The Boy was about 18 months old, she had the hernia repaired, so as far as he knew, women didn’t have navels.

35

This morning, my 6 year old was drawing a picture after eating breakfast. I asked her to get up and put her dish & glass in the sink. She looked at me and said "Dad, I’m an artist. Artists don’t do work.

36

My 4 year old (5 years old today) had been acting out a lot in preschool due to my divorce (hitting, yelling) and I told her if she acts like that in Kindergarten, she’ll get kicked out. Then she said with delight (and without missing a beat) “Then I’ll go to the Army!”

She challenges me a lot when I tell her factual things (“How do YOU know…”). One day I answered her with “Because I’ve been around a long time”. Her response was “Were you in a cave?”

I’m always amazed at how her mind works. She was putting her head near some stair balusters (yeah I had to look that up) and I told her if she got her head stuck, I’d have to use a saw to cut the wood. She said “No, just cut my head off.” I thanked her for her idea and told her why that wouldn’t be a good option.

37

That would seem to be at odds with all the pizza delivery guys I’ve ever met.

38

While driving down the road on a sunny day…

7-year-old: Daddy! I’m getting a headache from looking at the sun!

Me: Well, then, stop looking at the sun.

7-year-old: OK, Daddy.

39

My three year old comes running out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles and a terrified look on his face and says "My penis is growing and it won’t stop!

Yeah, you wish!

40

The other day, my four year old son told me that I need a girlfriend…

…so he can have his mama (my wife) all to himself.

41

HAH!