The two-year-old got a pink plastic pencil case, a rectangular case which separates into the lid and the bottom part. When we first gave it to her she inspected it closely, took it apart, put it back together, took it apart then took a piece in each hand, put them on top of her head sticking up and announced “I’m a bunny!”
We were in hysterics.
Suddenly very serious 4 year old comes up to her mother who is folding laundry - “Mommy. Thank you for cleaning my clothes.”
On the way home from daycare - “I had a good day, except for one boy. I am very fuster-rated at him!”
5 year old: Daddy, the seasons are changing here from Winter to summer, right?
Me: Yes.
Her: So, for the Aliens, it’s the opposite, right?
Me: The Aliens?!?
Her: Yeah - the Aliens, on the other side of the world.
Me: The Australians?
Her: Oh, Yeah.
I was doing my bit in the YMCA childwatch one day. I was bringing 5 of the kids from the bathroom across the lobby. A gentleman with two prosthetic legs was crossing the lobby at the same time. He didn’t have the ‘looks similar to a leg’ kind but rather the ‘metal tube with a hinged knee’ kind. One of the boys stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes huge, and yelled to his buddy, “Look! Its Inspector Gadget!”
I will never forget this. That man came over to the kids, and said “So, you like my robot legs, do you”? And darned if he didn’t sit down and let the kids explore his ‘gadget legs’ and explain how they worked. He answered every question patiently, and honestly and seemed to be having as much fun as the kids.
A mother explains her kid’s view of sex. I almost fell out of my chair at the last question!
That is one very cool guy.
We were at the doc with my hubby yesterday: he had his first radiation treatment, and the kids had already done their schoolwork, so we all went. He went back for treatment and we waited in the lobby. The kids were playing and the TV was on in the background. We sufffered through listening to The Bold and The Beautiful, and I remembered why I hate soap operas.
Then a show called The Talk came on. I had never heard of this, but it looked like a clone of The View. They started talking about a new baby doll that was supposed to promote breastfeeding. A cool concept, but my 12 year old son was starting to turn about 5 shades of red at this point.
They went on to describe the doll: it comes with a halter top for the kid to wear, with two strategically placed daisies on it. If you bring the baby doll up close to a daisy, she’ll start making a sucking sound.
That’s when my son said, “I’m outta here.” He picked up his stuff and went into the hallway of the Medical Mall. Our 11 year old daughter said, “I’m with him.” So all three of us went into the hallway and waited for hubs to finish.
I laughed. I admit it. I laughed even harder when I had to tell him WHY we were in the hallway. 
That is all kinds of awesome.
Something recent that made me and my wife howl–
We generally use the regular anatomical names for genitals and whatnot if we ever have the occasion to make reference to them with our daughter, who’s just two.
This week is the first time she’s had occasion to repeat them back (when I was exercising a little modesty in the bath,) and so it’s become clear that she believes that my man-bits share a name with her daycare provider:
“Where’d Tina go?” points “'Zat Tina?” “Where’d Tina go?”
I think that being two years old is a bit like having Dragon Dictate or Apple Autocorrect between your ears.
Got home from work a few days ago, and my littlest one, who just turned 4, comes bouncing up to me. “Daddy!” she says, "Say “No more rhyming I mean it!”.
I look at her funny, then say it. She grins and bellows back “Anybody want a peanut?”!
Apparently my wife put on Princess Bride and they loved it so much they watched it three times. Now every day we play it out. Xander is always Wesley. Sometimes Jill plays Princess Buttercup, sometimes she’d rather be Fezzik. I get it, Fezzik has better lines.
That is the funniest thing I have heard in s long time!
[hijack] About the only impression that I can do spot-on perfectly is Claw saying “Inspector Gadget Will Return”. I pray Og Matthew Broderick is Never w/i earshot. 
[/hijack]
I have two children. When my youngest was 10, he thought he knew everything about sex. Once, while asking questions about when my ex and I were still married, he said, “Look, I know you have two kids, and you obviously had sex two times in your life, …”
I never did find out what question he was leading up to. I was laughing too hard.
My son, who is 3 1/2, likes sticks. He particularly likes sticks that have a sharp angle in them so that he can hold the longer piece and tap on things with the shorter piece. He says he is “pecking” when he does this, and naturally he calls these sticks “peckers.” He is so enamored of the sticks he finds with this shape that he likes to keep them in certain places in the yard so that he can come back to them. Sometimes, when we are playing outside, he appoints me guardian of his sticks.
Which is why, if you were to pass through our yard on a sunny day, you might hear these charming words bellowed out: “Mom! Keep my pecker safe! Guard my pecker!”
My oldest had her tonsils out when she was 6 yrs old. The procedure went well and I had her home in about 6 hrs. The problem was she absolutey refused to take anything by mouth. I had stocked up on all of her favorite popscicles, juice, ice cream, jello; I had it all. She wouldn’t take the medication she was given for pain either. I tried everything, bribes, threats, begging, pleading, threatening; I even held her down and tried to force it down her. Nothing worked. After about 24 hours she was feverish, very dehydrated, and in pain. I finally drove her to the ER because she looked so awful from the lack of fluid. She was much better after some IV fluids, but they still admitted her because she needed to be taking fluids by mouth before being allowed to go home.
For 2 days she was in the hospital adamantly refusing to take anything by mouth. One evening, two of the nurses came in to give her her pain medication, bright pink cherry flavored Tylenol. Of course, she refused. The nurses pulled me outside the room and told me that children often do difficult things better if parents aren’t around. They confidently told me they were really good at this sort of thing. I should go home, rest, eat, and come back in two hours or so. I told them that I was sure they were good at dealing with children and medicine, but she was not going to take that stuff by mouth. I left to let them try their best and came back 2 hrs later.
I entered the pediatric ward and immediately I could tell things had not gone as planned. The two nurses behind the desk looked pissed, exhaused, and were covered from head to toe in bright pink cherry flavored Tylenol. It was in their hair and not only covered the front of them but also the back. I want credit for not laughing out loud. I went into Holly’s room and she was sitting up in bed looking, looking so small, but she had her arms folded with a face like a thundercloud. Her eyes flashed nuclear fire and a clear warning to stay away. Bright pink cherry flavored Tylenol was dripping off the ceiling , walls and my child. I aske the nurses if they managed to get her to take her medicine. One told me very shortly that her doctor had orded IV pain meds for the night and left the room.
Am I wrong to feel immensly proud of her? Too bad, I do anyway.
“Up next: St. Bernard Mating” – Laughed my ass off. (Again.)
My wife and I were blobbing in front of the TV yesterday, enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon, and were sharing a packet of chips/crisps when we became aware of 9-year old standing very quietly to one side… arms folded, foot quietly tapping, and the most cool and haughty adult expression on his face; you could loudly read the “and just what do you think you two are doing, you naughty children?”
So clear and disapprovingly parental was his expression that Mrs. Apollyon and I both looked a little shamefaced for a moment (for not sharing), at which point Alex broke into an ear-to-ear grin.
He got some chips and went away happy, and I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. 
My husband was driving with our son (who is 6) the other day. They were stopped at a traffic light and my husband was passing the time by drumming on the steering wheel. Son said to him, “Dad! No funky rhythms, please!”
The other morning, Spike (3) slipped and hit his face on the doorway to the downstairs bathroom. I helped him up, and make sure he was okay. I asked him what he was doing when he slipped. “Dancing,” he said.
“Well, I’ve told you that you shouldn’t do that on this floor. It’s slippery.”
“I know,” he said. “I was singing The Floor is Very, Very Slippery Song.”
While monitoring the kids on playground duty the other day, I accidentally inspired half of the third grade to eat dandelions. There were actual swarms of kids running across the playfield looking for dandelions. They were so riled up that they couldn’t quiet themselves prior to going to class, so the principal had to come out and yell at them a bit. :o
I guess I’ll volunteer at the library next… it’s (probably) safer.
Our 21 month old daughter is just learning to speak, and seems each day her vocabulary grows tenfold.
Yesterday she was sitting on her Papa’s lap while her mom, her Nana, and I were conversing nearby. Little C waited until an appropriately quiet moment, looked up at her Papas’ face, pointed at his nose and exclaimed “Booooogies”!
We are so proud.