One Down, 28 to go. Or: I'm reading the encyclopedia

I finished Volume One of the Encyclopedia Britannica.

It took me about six weeks of on-again, off-again effort. At this rate, I calculate I will finish the entire set in 3.3 years. (But in that time, I will have collected three year books! :eek: )

Anyway, here are some interesting things that I have learned.

  1. Aardvark isn’t the first thing in the encyclopedia. In fact, there’s a whole three pages of stuff that comes before Aardvark. And that’s not even including a helpful part called “How to use the Micropedia” that appears before the official start of All Human Knowledge.

  2. Encyclopedia Britannica spells “Encyclopedia” with an extra A in it somewhere, for reasons I cannot yet discern.

  3. There is an average of one black and white picture every 1.3 pages, one color picture every 3.7 pages, and one diagram every 5.1 pages.

  4. In addition to aardvarks, which means “earth pig” in Afrikaans, there is also something called an aardwolf, which means “cargo pants.”

  5. The Battle of Antietem was won not by soldiers with muskets and bayonets, but by small colored lines advancing on one another accross a map.

  6. The Acadian Orogeny was not, in fact, a pornographic film featuring naked Newfoundlanders.

  7. Accordians are funny.

  8. Herbert Baxter Adams had a handlebar mustache the size of a cucumber.

  9. Affirmative action actually stretches back to long before the 20th century, when African Americans were chosen above white people for competitive slave-labor jobs.

  10. An Afghan can be a carpet, a dog, a blanket, or a person.

  11. The Alamo was defended by many brave soldiers, but it turns out that John Wayne was not actually among them.

  12. In Amsterdam, you can totally, like, smoke a joint, like, in a public place and totally NOT get busted.

  13. You can’t spell “analysis” without “anal.”

  14. Animated cartoons are actually made up of many thousands of still pictures shown in rapid succession, and not acted by living people who look like drawings, as such cartoons would have us believe.

  15. Antimatter does not have any relation to fecal matter. In fact, no fecal matter has ever been observed that was made up of antimatter.

  16. There’s actually a place called Aragon. Just like in The Lord of the Rings! Except that Aragon was a person. But whatever, it’s still cool.

  17. The Ashanti Empire is not actually ruled by the sexy singer Ashanti, as is widely believed.

  18. Astoria, some podunk town in Clatsop County, Oregon, is worthy of an entry in the encyclopedia, but Astoria, Queens, which is where the coolest people in the whole world live, is not.

  19. Atomic weight is actually not used to calculate the mass of Gwynith Paltrow.

  20. Australia is really really big, but Australian terriers are really really small.

  21. Avadavats are birds, not legal papers.

  22. There are lots of people with the last name Bacon, and I really like bacon.

  23. There is a town in Austria called Badgastein. It is frequented by tourists who eat large quantities of beans and cabbage.

Well, I must say this has certainly been a learning experience for me. I look forward to volume 2.

It’s a shame I’ll have to wait six weeks for you to post another summary. It was funny. You are going to do another summary right? T’were true, t’would be, twarrific.

Well, I guess so. I’m going to take a short break before diving into the next volume, though. I have to give my brain a break by reading something that requires no thought or learning, like Tom Clancy.

This is reminding me an awful lot of that Sherlock Holmes story (I forget which one) where the guy is hired by the “Red Headed League” to copy out of the enclopedia for weeks on end…are you sure there is no crime being committed behind your back while you read this?

That story, appropriately enough, is called The Adventure of the Red-Headed League.

The guy, Jabez Wilson, was hired by the Red Headed League to copy out the Encyclopedia by hand as a diversion while the villain used Mr. Wilson’s basement to dig a tunnel into a bank vault.

In elementary school, whenever there was a break, I’d take a random volume of the trusty old World Book, open it at random, and start reading. The other kids thought I was a bit wierd, but I learned a tremendous amount!

I used to read encyclopedias as a kid. U and R were my favorites although I was partial to P too.

I always avoided the “S” volume, because I was, and am, phobic about snakes, even in pictures – and the World Book was pretty heavy on pictures…