It’s quiet here today, not much in the way of phone convos, aisle-way chatter, etc. So I’m sitting here, basking in the silence when I hear a sound. A slightly raspy, breathy kind of sound.
I realize that someone is snoring. After a few minutes, it’s clear that this is exactly what it is - someone is sound asleep. The way the cubicles are set up, it’s impossible for me to know who exactly it is that has conked out at their desk without actually walking into their cubicle, and really it isn’t my business. I know that I’ve come to work extraordinarily tired and done everything short of the toothpicks-in-the-eyelids schtick to stay awake. So they have my empathy.
I don’t know. It sounds to me as if you are being handed a golden opportunity for a hilarious prank here. However, assuming that you want to do the nice guy thing, perhaps you could walk past to see who it is (like a water or bathroom break) and then call they, but hang up before they answer so that you can wake them without embarrassment.
Then put their hand in warm water until they urinate unmercifully. If they won’t wet themselves then you could just unzip and pee on their crotch for them. They are, afterall, asleep.
Next, as QED said, assemble a crowd.
Inflate a brown paper bag behind their head, hold arms wide apart, then bring together with great haste.
Well, for this to work, we’ll need to make a few assumptions:
The chairs at your place of employ have wheels.
Your co-worker is sleeping in the “arms crossed, head drooped straight down” method, and not leaning on his desk.
He’s a very sound sleeper.
If we meet all this criteria, then I think a nice wheeling out to the parking lot is in order. Or, if possible, out onto the roof. Or, if you don’t like him, he can be wheeled into the boss’ office.
Get everyone else involved. Get about three reams of printer paper, crumple each page into a ball and toss it into his cube, making sure not to hit him with the paper.
Three reams - 1500 sheets - will do an awesome job of covering the desk surface, the floor around his chair, spilling out into the walkway, etc. Hopefully, someone will also have a camera.
