I ws in the Shop-Rite this morning and the PA system was playing “Guantanamera.” Ever since, I have been humming, “One-ton tomato . . . I eat a one-ton tomato . . . One-ton tomaaaaato . . .”
Of course, Allan Sherman ruined more songs for me than anyone else.
What songs, when you hear them, are you absolutely helpless not to sing the parody or 8th-grade versions of?
Wise men say,
Only fools rush in.
But I… can’t… help…
Filling a glove with poo.
Yes, praise Allen Sherman! And Weird Al.
Looney Tunes killed many, like Brahm’s lullabye: “Go to sleep, go to sleep, close your big bloodshot eyes…”
Also…
“They asked me how I knew
Turtle shit was blue.
I of course replied
Something deep inside
Turtles makes it blue.”
“You fill up my sinus
Like a night in a haystack…”
“In the shade of the old apple tree
Was the first time she showed it to me…”
Plus some classical music parodies:
“This is the symphony that Schubert wrote but did not finish.”
And for the finale of Mozart’s Symphony No. 40:
“Old Mozart’s in the closet. Let’im out, let’im out, let’im out.”
On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed…
Is there another version, with real words?
National City (I think, anyway it’s a Sousa march): “Oh, the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole, and hollered fire, and hollered fire …”
I read this mystery novel. In the mystery novel a character hears Guantanamera with the following words:
“One refereee
there’s only one referee
Two-oo-oo linesmen
But only one referee–ee”
…and that got going through my head for days.
Toreadora don’t spit on the floor
Use the cuspidora that’s what it’s for…
That would be “On top of old Smoky, all covered with snow, I lost my true lover, from courtin’ too slow.” Makes as much sense as “On top of spaghetti.”
AAACK! My mother, Og rest her soul, taught this to me as “Oh, the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole, and skinned his asshole…”
No, no, no! It’s:“This is…the symphony…that Schubert never even–” Your version totally defeats the point.
My Zelda, she took the money
And ran with the tailor!
(Members of Hadassah!)
Tahhhh-Rahhh-Rah BOOM-de-ay!
Have you had sex today?
I had some yesterday,
That’s why I walk this way.
I like your version MUCH better! But how can I get the other one out of my head?
::inserts Q-tip into ear::
Where’s that damn reset button?
I am ashamed to admit I have the Gilligan’s Island version of the Toreodor Song programed into me:
“Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit …”
I used to work with a guy, who was a mariachi guitarist in his spare time, who thought One ton tomatoes / She had one ton tomatoes… was the height of hilarity.
Me? I made up my own version:
One ton of mierda
Juaquin ate one ton of mierda
One ton of mierda
Juaquin ate one ton of mierda
Same here.
Then once the last line finishes, I hear it played on bicycle pump.
Dave Barry wrote about that in his book. I am not sure if he really believed the song wasn’t actually called One Ton Tomato. One never knows when dave is kidding. Dave rocks.
Me too! I want to slap my self when I start to sing the words.
Another reason to be an Eve fan.
Oh well, as far as ruined songs go…my father was a great fan of Spike Jones, so we had a lot of records by Jones and his group, the City Slickers. Great classics like “That Old Black Magic” and “Begin the Beguine” and “The Glowworm.” The Spike Jones version was the first one I heard, and therefore the one true version.
Imagine my chagrin when I heard the “straight” versions of these. What, no whistles? Nobody burping as part of the chorus? Bizzzarre.
Speaking of Sousa, is there anybody nowadays who can hear his Liberty Bell March without anticipating the Monty Python pplplbth?