…Joe and Stan recovered from the shock, and went back to the van to cool their heels. Back inside, their wives, Jane and Louise, decided hug therapy was in order. In fact the two married couples got sexually aroused; no surprise to Eloise and Jack, they of the ravenous sexual appetites and fifteen kids. Sally, Olivia, Betty, and Vera sighed and sat in the front seats; the five married couples, including Pete and Loora, and Bob and Mary, got into the back and proceeded to enjoy marital relations, making the van rock wildly, far more so than the explosion of the other van could make it do. The four unmarried women in front sighed, figeted, and rolled their eyes, and waited for the five couples to finish screwing. After the sexual session, Eloise and Jack redonned their clothes and returned to the front seats. The four unmarried women sat in the middle section.
Just before they pulled away, Olivia asked Eloise, “Did the others get dressed?”
“I don’t know,” said Eloise. In fact she and Olivia had been barely civil to each other for years. Eloise pulled the van back onto a surface street and parked at a curb near a singles bar; the four unmarried women got out and swiveled and jiggled–not a stitch of underwear between them–toward the bar. Eloise had a good laugh at this and proceeded to drive back to the mansion.
The clunky girl spent 26F at a store which specializes in supernatural things and publications speculating on UFOs, Roswell, and aliens, while also carrying all the Straight Dope books. The clerk at the register, burned more than once by couterfeit money…
…placed 26F under the UV counterfeit-detector lamp. Yes, the expected marks were there, glowing under the UV light. He took the banknote 26F and looked more closely at it. It was one of the sorriest banknotes he’d seen for a while. It was ragged, crumpled, and dirty. There was a stain of some unkown origin on one corner. A rip was starting at the top. All and all, it looked as though someone had driven an eighteen-wheeler over it. Repeatedly.
But it was money, so the clerk put it in the till.
Meanwhile, a grey-haired powerfully-built man strode into the noisy singles bar after the four women. He was wearing a stylish outfit topped by a cape that somehow reminded onlookers of a Greek robe, even though it didn’t actually look like one. He sat at the bar, making sure that the women could see him, and wrote an order on a napkin, using a yellow pen marked with a lighting-bolt symbol. He passed the order to the barkeeper, who prepared the closest thing to mead that he had.
Odin sat down next to him. “Zeus? What are you doing here?”
Zeus glanced in the general direction of the four women, and grinned. “What did you expect?”
Sally Mears, always the first of the four to speak, sidled up to the Hellene, jiggling happily. “We would expect the same of you that we would of any man,” she answered. Vera, Olivia, and Betty also approached. They didn’t say anything, then at least. Now, neither did Sally. They decided to let their appearance do the talking. Here were four women, dressed in ordinary clothes except for the lack of underwear and the visible nipples and crotches. And they all appraised him, despite his bizarre clothing, and decided he was worth their attention. Sally started speaking to him in her most seductive voice, determined that she and her three–er–colleagues, would turn him on, and he them.
In the store, a few of the Teeming Millions–you might have known I’d get around to this eventually–came in, to buy another copy of Triumph of the Straight Dope as well as a few ordinary volumes on astronomy. The Dopers [name yourselves in your response–d.m.], when getting change, took the bill and scrutinized it; then one shrugged and put it in his wallet. He spent it later at White Castle, on…
an entire suitcase of White Kastle gut bombers which he was taking to lno’s house for dinner. The unnamed doper and lno ate the entire suitcase of burgers, whereupon, lno’s girlfriend came home took one look at lno lying in pain on the floor, and said she was going to bed, thus ending his chance for an evening snuggle once again (wha’? that’s already been done?:D)
Meanwhile, the clerk/gigolo at White Kastle took 26 f and…
…endeavored to try his own luck at the singles bar. However, Sally and her friends had already left, with the Zeus wannabee, determined to make this a night to remember. The clerk wasn’t disappointed, though, because of a shapely blond intellectual named Phoebe Atwood, the sexist woman in the area ever to wear horn-rimmed glasses and use five-dollar words. She frequented this singles bar because she liked some of the wine they served, and she could usually find a young intellectual man–this was a college town–to have a long discussion with, along with a zowie session in bed! The clerk sat on the stool next to Phoebe, and neither made any mistake about intentions. Phoebe thought, “Well, this guy seems likely for me to seduce, even as he is quite obviously seducing me.” Indeed he got a hard erection and she felt her nipples hardening, and so on.
Meanwhile the paramedics arrived to do paramedic stuff for Ino; they were members of the Teeming Millions themselves but were all business as they proceeded to make like John Gage and Roy DeSoto. They took Ino to the hospital…as if his girlfriend wasn’t enough of a knockout, he got a look at the surgeon and the head nurse who came in to treat him…
…and almost fainted. Helen of Troy had nothing on her! As soon as she started talking, however, he recognised her as…
…Pamela Anderson. “Hot damn! :)” Ino said, but then he heard a grunt and noticed Pam’s husband, Kid Rock, standing in the corner. Rather than risk getting capped by the Kid, Ino forced himself to behave. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend that his nurse was Rosanne Arnold 
Back at the bar, the White Castle clerk had spent 26F on a drink for Phobe. It was soon given as change to a strange little man. He was less than five feet tall, skinny, and had a long beard. He was also wearing mirrored sunglasses, even in the dim light of the bar.
After finishing his drink, this man walked out of the bar and…
…climbed into a Chevette pickup, a custom job. He started it and drove out of town, heading for Denver.
On the way, he stopped for gas at “Barry’s Beans & Burgers”, a truck stop outside Indianapolis. There banknote 26F landed in the till for almost ten seconds. It was a busy evening, and 26F was given out in change to an elderly “society” lady who was definitely not in her usual element in the truck stop.
She tool 26F gingerly between her fingers and looked at the dirty, crumpled, staned banknote with an expression of disgust. She looked at her daughter and husband standing next to her, and then back at 26F. “So this is money? It’s so… dirty.”
The cashier nodded. “Makes the world go round…”
The daughter piped up, “Actually, it’s inertia and angular momentum that makes the world go round. We learned in physics that…”
The matron interrupted. “Enough, child. Let’s go and… sit down.” She delicately folded 26F and placed it in her handbag. They went to an unoccupied booth and sat down.
The society lady was Elizabeth Martin, Eloise’s mother. They had been exchanging this kind of banter for years, and nothing changed when Eloise married Jack Sharp and became a mother fifteen times over. Jack was doing business executive stuff and the household staff was looking after the Sharps’ youngest kids, now in their early teens, while Eloise was visiting her Mom and some relatives who had fortunes in the bank–but certainly didn’t act like most rich folk. Elizabeth was certainly a smart cookie and inspected every piece of paper money she handled, even foreign currency. “I’ll just run this through the wash at home and spend it somewhere else.”
Ino was relieved to hear from “Kid Rock” that he had no objection to his wife’s attention. “She’s doing her job,” Kid commented. “Just stay on your side of the thin line.”
“Oh,” said Ino.
The “small man” turned out to be MAD artist Al Jaffee, who merely had a walk-on in this thread and would not return.
Meanwhile, Eloise’s Mom had by now spent 26F by merely giving it to the driver of a local shuttle service. Approaching his van were some teenage girls, daughters of the women in Eloise’s van–Nancy and Linda Sharp; April Blonda; and Susan Bradley. All were of high-school age but looked more shapely than many grown women, including some of their teachers. As they approached the shuttle van (shortly after Elizabeth Martin had alighted), Nancy and Linda avoided their grandmother’s sharp eye. The driver, however, had been around the block quite a few times; he was much older and quite jaded–and even more prudent than Jack and Eloise, or Elizabeth. As Linda, the eldest of the group at 17, approached in quest of transportation, the driver, Jake Mulligan, with a near-photographic memory of his company’s regulations…
…denied the girls a ride because they were wearing swimsuits. The rules stated that all passengers had to wear shirts and shoes. The girls complained, but Jake was stubborn, and refused to make an exception. Then Linda had an idea…
…as luck would have it, the clothing store Teen Togs was nearby; Linda’s eldest brother Andrew ran it. She cadged shirts and shoes from him for herself and her three friends; April and Susan smooched a little with Andrew to help themselves and the other girls win the argument with Jake. Now wearing shirts and shoes (loose dress shirts and sandals), over the swimsuits, the four girls approached Jake again and he said “You win, girls.” They wanted to swim in the pool at the Sharps’ palatial mansion, and had Jake drive them there. Jake said, “That’ll be $75.00.” Linda withdrew four $20s from her big handbag and handed them to Jake; he gave her 26F and she also gave him a $10 as a tip. Although she was running the show with her parents away, Linda was also mulling over plans of hers in the next few days, including spending 26F on…
…a refreshing bottle of…
Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum, for the big party she was going to have while mom and dad were away. Of course, Linda wouldn’t be 21 for another four years, so she gave 26F and a $20 bill to Bob McMartin, the Sharp’s groundskeeper, and asked him to go get some booze for her. Bob, although only in his mid-twenties himself, was not the type to encourage underage drinking. He took Linda’s money, but to teach her a lesson he spent it on…
…a bottle of Martinelli’s apple juice, mixed with Cepacol. April Blonda spat hers out and yelled, “That’s awful!” Linda didin’t taste hers; she knew what liquor was and what it wasn’t. Actually, all the Sharps’ 15 kids had been carrying on ridiculous, and usually harmless, feuds with the household staff for years. Linda resolved to even the score with Mr. McMartin.
He had bought the apple juice and Cepacol at the 7-11 where…
…the clerk/prostitute thought she was the girlfriend of an underworld hitman. Little did she know just how close to the truth she was.
She was actually being used by an unremarkable looking man who favored many diferent styles of dress, but who always wore black leather cowboy boots with ivory spurs. She noticed that whenever “Steve” got excited, like just before a slaying, his spurs would slowly rotate. She chalked it up to major drug habit. Loki was actually using her to locate Seven, who may now be a buxom blonde teenage girl, and 26F.
Colen Smyth Fitz Hume, the prostitute/clerk, looked up to see Steve/Loki walk in wearing a pair of 80’s type acid washed black Lees and a Hawiian shirt. And the boots, of course.
The spurs were spinning…
…and then Steve’s cell phone rang. He answered it and listened to his caller, and gave a delighted whoop! bewildering the others around him.
An old man standing near him growled, “What’s the matter with you, kid?”
Steve answered, “My stocks went up! I just made a killing!”
The clerk said to a girl standing near her, “See what I mean?”
The girl was the 14-year-old April Blonda–a buxom teenage girl, almost a carbon copy of her mother Mary, who looked like Dolly Parton only about six inches taller. Steve/Loki looked at her too and was astonished–why, April looked so much like his own female alter ego. He enaged April in conversation and they seemed to hit it off quite well.
Meanwhile, a Peterbilt pulled up outside; the driver hopped out and went into the store. This was Stan Brown’s petite wife Louise, she of the hourglass figure and glasses. She was wearing, oddly enough, a gingham dress and white pumps, and carrying a purse that almost looked big enough to hide in. She bought a loaf of bread, a six-pack of Dos Equis (the only beer her husband would drink), a Barq’s root beer, and a small box of Junior Mints. She handed two $20s to the clerk, who gave her the 26F in change.
April just greeted her with, “Hi, Mrs. Brown.” But Steve/Loki was dumbfounded to see Louise–even after he glanced at the truck and saw big, burly, bearded Stan waiting in the passenger seat. Steve felt the irresistible urge to say something to this woman truck driver before she left; but, mindful of her husband, he chose his words to Louise very carefully…
…"yo, yo, yo, BayBeee! Let me fondle your naked body. It’s not your booty, it’s your beauty. I wanna lick, lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toes, " Loki/Steve says.
This has the desired effect, and Louise removes the gingham dress, revealing the sheerest of pink push up bra and thong panties. As if she needs a push up!
Compelled by a sudden, almost supernatural urge, the other females in the store, all shapely, attractive women of various ages, also disrobe.
Spurs are spinning, but not from an impending killing.
Loise looks Steve in the eyes and says…"
“Well, Bub, I don’t give a damn what you want.” She then redons her dress, picks up her purchases and change, including 26F, and saunters serenely out the door. Stan, who has taken the whole thing in, roars with laughter. “And there’s not a damned thing I can do about it,” Loki muses. Louise gets into the driver’s seat in the truck and she and Stan kiss, then enjoy a derisive laugh at Loki just before she fires up the truck and drives away.
The other women in the store are, believe it or not, Sally Mears, she of the 48-inch bust; and her three friends, Betty Idelson, Vera Tedson, and Olivia Short. One woman who is present, but has not disrobed, is Phoebe Atwood, she of the 180 I. Q. and a kockout in her own right. She is prepared to shoot Loki down in flames with her speech, as Louise drives away, 26F tucked in her billfold…
Louise and Stan drive across town and get onto the freeway. They have a contract to haul a trailer full of Frosted Flakes to a supermarket in another state. That state happens to be…
…Oklahoma, currently experiencing a Frosted Flake shortage the like sof which had not been seen since the dustbowl of the early thirties.
At the cereal factory, Nikki JailBait has just been fired. her boss found her removing rat feces from the processor and couldn’t allow the secret flavoring to go missing from all of this shift’s cereals.
Meanwhile, back at…