…the 7-11, Loki is sure he’s bitten off more than he can chew. Phoebe is about to devastate him verbally, and the other four women, Sally, Olivia, Betty, and Vera, sidle up to hiom. Phoebe is dressed–in a very professional outfit, in fact–but it’s the four naked women pressing up against him whose vibes–in more way than one–are stroking his emotional sensbilities like whirling wire brushes on bare flesh.
So Phoebe says…
…“Will you four sluts get dressed already! It’s hard to be sanctimonious while gals like you are prancing around wearing nothing more than God gave you!”
The four naked women sheepishly donned their clothes and schleped out of the 7-11. Loki would gladly have followed them, except that he couldn’t. His feet were stuck to the floor! Apparently, the Slushie machine had sprung a leak, and noone had mopped up the puddle of slushie liquid that was deposited on the floor, so it had dried into a sticky spot.
Naturally, Loki had had the misfortune to stand in the sticky spot. Phobe, noticing Loki’s predicament, began to unleash her longest and most withering tirade:
“So, that that’s all you think women are good for, hmmm? Well, guess what, buddy? If you could get your brain out of your nutsack for just one minute you’d realize…”
Thirty minutes later, Phobe showed no signs of letting up. Loki, desperate to get away, abandoned his boots and ran out the 7-11 barefoot. A moment later he ran back in, grabbed his spurs, and ran back out again.
Meanwhile, on the freeway, Louise and Stan were now far outside of town on their way to Oklahoma. Stan, in the passenger seat, was just beginning to doze off when Louise jabbed him with her elbow.
“Hey, Stan, look up ahead! You ever see anything like that before?”
“No, I ain’t never seen nothin’ like that before.”
The odd sight that attracted their attention was…
…a space ship, built out in the middle of a grassy field. All sorts of animals, cows, bears, sheep, pumas, ferrets, chickens, horses, lizards, crows, dogs, etc., were boarding the rocket.
“What do you think that means, Stan?” asks Louise, her blouse falling open, exposing a lovely view of her perfect breasts.
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you. And I would miss the hot sex, so I’m not saying,” he answered.
Meanwhile, Back at the 7-11, Loki’s magical boots explode into flames, causing a raging fire that burns down three city blocks before Loki decides he’s no longer quite so embarassed and mad. “At least I gots my spurs!” he says to himself, thankful that the physical manefistation of his unearthly powers survived. “Remember Sauron and The One Ring, you idiot.” Loki reminds himself. Next time he comes to Earth, he will safely keep any such talismans unmade, no matter how cool they might appear. And, he will choose a less unremarkable looking personage. In the God Realms, he’s pretty hot (for a guy god).
Looking on at all of this, NoClueBoy gets an idea. (First time for everything) :
“Let’s let Dougie Monty finish his own thread, esteemed fellow authors. The Mods have placed a last page warning in the MPSIMS table of contents. I’ve enjoyed the story of 26F, and it’s now on to the doors thread for me. Enjoy!”
Then, NoClueBoy and everything around him bursts into flames, revealing that, all along, he was Loki, son of Odin, trouble maker and all around fun guy.
Meanwhile…
…back in Uzbekistan, in 1922, Bryant Gumbel has been arrested by the Soviet authorities on suspicion of being an American spy. He is taken to a work camp in Siberia, where he spends several months digging ditches. One day, in the middle of winter, the camp runs out of firewood, so people begin to burn whatever pieces of paper they can find for heat. Bryant throws 26F (the temporal duplicate from the alternate timeline) onto the fire.
As the bill burns, the alternate timeline is undone and merges back into the main timeline. A timewarp opens and returns Bryant Gumble to the present day. Specifically, he is deposited in Times Square, New York.
Unfortunately, his clothes are deposited in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, so Bryant is soon arrested for indecent exposure 
Back to Stan and Louise, who still have the original 26F (now the last one to exist). They take a good look at the spaceship and the animals, and decide to…
… mend the schism with a paste made of all of the alternate 26f’s all shredded up and mixed with warm water and flour. Whilst the paste set, Stan and Louise hunched over the small dry fire, talking quietly about all that had transpired.
They heard the whoosh, but before they could glance skyward, an unspeakably foul…
…sight crossed their view–a human turd flung at high spoeed from someplace to somewhere.
Stan said “YUCCH!” and Louise said “Eeeww!” Then they were in a close embrace, Louise’s breasts still exposed. They decided to have sex right then and there–and they were, oddly enough, on a lawn, mowed the day before; their big rig was parked nearby.
Stan would later buy some coffee and other things at the very same 7-11. The prostitute-clerk told the store manager Mike Sloane that the same bill had appeared; he would take the thoroughly worn 26F to the bank where it would be returned to the Federal Reserve Bank, which would destroy it.
Meanwhile–as I leave this thread to be finished–Stan and Louise are still humping on the grass; the Blondas, the Oranjebooms, the Bradleys, and the Sharps aren’t doing anything interesting. The super-busty Sally Mears and her three horny friends, and Phoebe Atwood, are looking for men to conquer.
I now leave it up to any interested Doper to finish this thread…
…and, in another dimension, the First looks up from the game console and smiles. “Well, it looks like we won this round.” He goes down to get some coffee.
At the Federal Reserve, a guy carries a bag full of worn bills, including 26F, over to the shredder and dumps it in.
The shredded paper is collected and recycled into new currency paper. The special Fiber of Infinity, source of temporal rifts and lots of other wierdness, ends up in a ten dollar bill, whose serial number ends with 39P.
The Team jots down this serial number, in case it becomes necessary to intervene to save humanity again.
But that’s a story for another thread.
THE END
God, this was a fun thread
Three cheers for dougie monty and all of the interesting posters. I would name you, but I don’t want to leave anyone out due to lack of coffee. Plus, it hurts to type with a dislocated elbow. (Just call me Detmer)
May I point out this thread?
ciao
BTW, I was wrong about the “last page” thing. Not a warning. Just not enough room in the thread titles to list all the pages.
I’m a doofus.
Here’s the Fiver I owe you, if you want it…
It was just as well. I’m not sure how much longer we could have kept it going anyway.
Plus, we still have the Surreal Continuing Story in the Other Tread
Yeah, probably is best. Over and out.
[Pretending to be a Mod]
This thread is closed
[/Pentending to be a Mod]
unless dougie wants to…
Th-Th-Th-Th-that’s all, folks! [Looney Tunes closing theme playing]
(We await the beginning of a thread about 39P, the ten-dollar bill.)
