Ongoing Thread: The story of a ten-dollar bill.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

… Tannu Tuva, like the central Asian region that became famous in the 1930’s (at least among philatelists) for issuing colorful stamps that guys like my dad collected and stuck in albums. Remember that joke you made about how you used to mount Tannu Tuva pictorials, and now you were just mounting…"

“Yes, I asked about your ‘catalogue value’ as well. You assured me you weren’t a dealer, and just to relax and enjoy the moment.”

“I’m not going to lie, Drazen. I’ve had many men – and more than a few women – but you were the best. The other night, I Googled your name and found out you were now living in this town. I asked around a bit – I have ways of prying information out of people, as you may recall – and learned you’ve been known to patronize this establishment. I’m a bit surprised, however, that you’re drinking on the job.”

“Well, I needed to calm my nerves after a terrible tragedy. I hit and killed a woman, then got interrogated by the cops. I won’t be charged with any crime, but I’m probably not going to accept any more fares this shift.”

“Maybe a night in bed with me will help you forget all about the incident,” Tannu Tuva purred. “I can drive your taxi back to the cab company garage, and I’ll drop you off at the motel next to it so you can get ready to pick up where we left off two years ago.”

As Drazen had finished his drink, he was more than ready to leave – especially with such an intriguing woman. He walked out to the cab with Tannu Tuva, handed her the keys, and got into the front passenger seat. But instead of heading to the cab company headquarters, the buxom blonde opted to take the road that led directly to…

22

…an all-night Domino’s Pizza store. They walked in.

Tannu turned to him and said “okay, Duane, I know who you are.”

“What?” he asked, startled.

“You’re a pizza guy. You used to work right here. You were from some other planet or something.”

“May I take your order?” said the clerk, who wore a nametag that read “Od Simon”.

“I never worked here” stammered Drazen.

“Have it your way,” shrugged Tannu. “We’ll take the Hoover Dam special, please.”

“Right away,” said Od Simon. He disappeared into a back room and strange gurgling sounds could be heard.

23

Tannu turned to face Drazen.

“We seem to be a little forgetful about things. Maybe this will jog your memory!”

As she spoke, she raised both hands up above her head, waved them around in a manner not entirely unlike a snake, then quickly lowered them and grabbed his hands. Her grip was amazingly tight and she leaned in close to him, giggling, her lips almost touching his. Her eyes seem to brighten as he looked into them.

Soon, all he could see was her face surrounded by a blue-white light. All he could feel was the pressure of her body against his; the firm, vice-like grip of her hands on his. Strangely, it was so totally silent, Drazen thought he might have gone deaf.

He found himself laying on his back on a dirt floor, being coaxed to awareness by a soothing voice speaking softly in a foreign tongue. It was Tannu.

But, she had changed. She was wearing what Drazen might have fantisized about if he was a D&D player. A dark, distressed leather halter top, a g-string made from what seemed to be the skin of a very small squirll, and a scrap of whitish animal fur draped loosely around her hips. She had on a delicate looking, jeweled coat of mail that couldn’t have been much protection from a weapon, as it looked far too light and only extended to her navel. her hair was wildly huge and frizzed as though teased by a maniacle hair dresser from Van Nuys. On her left bicep was a dark red tattoo of a bear claw, somewhat stylized in appearance. In her navel was an emerald coloured jewell.

She was still sporting the deerskin western boots.

“What in the hell…?” Drazen mutters as he starts to stand up.

“Shush!” she hisses. “Please be very quiet. Please!” she whispers in an urgent tone.

He notices in her hands the ten dollar bill…

24

she had it rolled up into a point.

Suddenly, the door burst open and three men dressed in furs and brandishing large swords came in.

It was then that Drazen remembered that he and Tannu were time jumpers. After a particularly good party in 2435, they had jumped to the early 21st century and the quantum temporal flex combined with the alcohol to make him think he was a Croatian cab driver. No wonder he spoke such perfect english.

Tannu tried to use the pointy 39P to poke out the eyes of the attackers, but it was no use. They overwhelmed the couple.

39P was blown up and floated over the countryside. It came to rest in a cave which was soon after sealed over by a rockslide. The temporal displacement waves kept it from decaying until the early 21st century where it was found by…

25

… Erika, an anthropology graduate student who had entered the cave during a search for human skeletal remains. 39P was resting atop some bones which Erika deduced to have belonged to a woman who had died in her late teens or early twenties. About the same age I am now, Erika mused. And judging by the knife marks I see, she must have met a violent end. Wonder if the sawbuck was involved in any way.

Erika alerted Dr. Magnuson, her academic advisor, who supervised as the bones and accompanying artifacts were gathered up and placed in airtight bags. However, the evidence never made it back to the university’s museum, as the van carrying 39P and other treasures had barely turned onto the Interstate highway when…

26

The driver pulled off at Jose’ Truck stop and Brothel. After a large stake Earl caught a glimpse of Cassie out the corner o’ve his eye. Three minutes later the now sweat stained bill was deeply entrinched in the red silk, french cut panties of the table dancer…

27

DOH Didn’t see someone already used the stripper angle. Correct my story. Earl was in the crapper of the truckstop and needed to dump. With no paper left he pulls out 39P and wipes his ass. He drops it in the can without flushing.

Garcia, the night janitor comes in to the stall to clean. Working (illegally) for 39c a day he notices the muck soaked bill floating in the slurry. With much intrepidation he…

28

leans in and fishes out the fecally stained note, he washes it off in the nearby sink and flushes the toilet, knocking off for the night on teh grounds that all that flushing constitutes 39c worth of cleaning.
Garcia returns to his small cramped flat which he shares with several other illegal workers. he goes to bed and as he sleeps the note is stolen by…

29

…Edwina, an English illegal who’d overstayed her tourist visa, and was unwise enough to answer an job ad in the back of Variety. She sniffs the bill, wrinkles her nose, but keeps it.

Edwina is desperate. Obviously her so-called employers’ definition of ‘acceptable affordable accomodation’ is different than hers. Her definition includes heat and private sanitary facilities, for instance.

Boris, the so-called ‘concierge’, would be at the front desk. All the windows are locked. Edwina hesitates, then…