online dating sites

[Inna_Minnit]

I was seriously attempting the online dating thing about two years ago. I had paid memberships to match.com, christianmingle.com and another one. I was on okcupid and plentyoffish.

My experiences:
Match.com the few conversations I had were creepy guys looking to hook up.
christianmingle.com a few interesting guys, a LOT of weird ones, and two married guys who neglected to mention the fact in their profile. For me, neither one of those was worth the money. Though, Christian Mingle has active chats and forums, and I have considered rejoining just for that. If christian chat ain’t your thing, it probably wouldn’t be a selling point for you.

Okcupid, was ok. A few interesting guys. But no actual dates.
Plentyoffish a couple of one off dates, but nothing interesting.
Both sites are free, I think you can go premium, but I never saw any advantage to that. They function pretty well on the free basis.

My best experience was on a dating site for guys who like BBW (which I am) My current guy I met there.

I would say for guys, it’s harder. Just sheer numbers make the competition tough. Also, you need to be clear about what you want. You mentioned that you are seeing marriage minded women. There’s nothing wrong with that. If that’s not what you are looking for, then move on.

There are a ton of scammers out there. It becomes pretty easy to spot them. If you want a real person to look at your profile, just shoot me a PM. I’m hardly an expert but I can give you a female point of view.

[Kevbo]

I just re-read the OP. If you are getting replies to your initial contacts, then the problem isn’t with your profile…leave it alone. They need to see something interesting, and nothing seriously wrong with your profile, or you won’t get the first reply.

Things you might be doing wrong:

Focusing on her appearance. The way to tell her she is nice looking is to pay lots of attention to her. If you are showing interest, she will assume that you like how she looks.

r u using txt spk?..LOL! Use a spell checker, decent grammar, and avoid abbreviations. It won’t matter to some, but it is something a couple of women have mentioned that made me stand out…but I am chasing the smart ones, your mileage may vary.

Stay appropriate. You are a stranger. If you say anything sexual, then you should expect the same reaction you’d get by placing an obscene phone call. Somewhere there is a woman that will stay on the line and chat with an obscene caller, but that is not who I want to date.

Resist any urge to brag, but beyond that, are you expressing interest in getting to know her, or just telling her about yourself? When she tells you something about herself, mentally file it. Example: " My co-worker was bitchy today, wonder what her problem was!" Next day ask if Cathy was easier to get along with than yesterday. Don’t follow this as a formula, the point is to pay attention and BE interested, not to fake it. AND before you hit send, re-read her previous message and make sure you have addressed any questions she asked. If you don’t, then you are hiding something or ignoring her, neither of which is good.

Flirting: Look for any flirtiness in her messages, and reply in kind, but stay at least one notch more respectful. Nothing overt. If your not sure, play dumb. Be the guy she tells about how crude the other guys are. Focus your flirts on being fun rather than sexy. Sexy to women is never what you think it is.

As others have said: Fish or cut bait. BUT don’t be too pushy. After a few messages using the service, tell her she seems nice and pass along your number. Invite her to reciprocate if she feels comfortable. If you come off as even slightly pushy here, you are done. At least of my age, a lot of women respect the “rule” of never calling the guy first. And have a time and place in mind when you ask. (and assume it is up to you to ask) Not just “so, would you like to meet sometime?” If that doesn’t work, fine to negotiate, but having a when and where means she is being invited. “maybe sometime” is just a hypothetical.

[MoonMoon]

@Kevbo

I just re-read the OP. If you are getting replies to your initial contacts, then the problem isn’t with your profile…leave it alone. They need to see something interesting, and nothing seriously wrong with your profile, or you won’t get the first reply.

Things you might be doing wrong:

Focusing on her appearance. The way to tell her she is nice looking is to pay lots of attention to her. If you are showing interest, she will assume that you like how she looks.

r u using txt spk?..LOL! Use a spell checker, decent grammar, and avoid abbreviations. It won’t matter to some, but it is something a couple of women have mentioned that made me stand out…but I am chasing the smart ones, your mileage may vary.

Stay appropriate. You are a stranger. If you say anything sexual, then you should expect the same reaction you’d get by placing an obscene phone call. Somewhere there is a woman that will stay on the line and chat with an obscene caller, but that is not who I want to date.

Resist any urge to brag, but beyond that, are you expressing interest in getting to know her, or just telling her about yourself? When she tells you something about herself, mentally file it. Example: " My co-worker was bitchy today, wonder what her problem was!" Next day ask if Cathy was easier to get along with than yesterday. Don’t follow this as a formula, the point is to pay attention and BE interested, not to fake it. AND before you hit send, re-read her previous message and make sure you have addressed any questions she asked. If you don’t, then you are hiding something or ignoring her, neither of which is good.

Flirting: Look for any flirtiness in her messages, and reply in kind, but stay at least one notch more respectful. Nothing overt. If your not sure, play dumb. Be the guy she tells about how crude the other guys are. Focus your flirts on being fun rather than sexy. Sexy to women is never what you think it is.

As others have said: Fish or cut bait. BUT don’t be too pushy. After a few messages using the service, tell her she seems nice and pass along your number. Invite her to reciprocate if she feels comfortable. If you come off as even slightly pushy here, you are done. At least of my age, a lot of women respect the “rule” of never calling the guy first. And have a time and place in mind when you ask. (and assume it is up to you to ask) Not just “so, would you like to meet sometime?” If that doesn’t work, fine to negotiate, but having a when and where means she is being invited. “maybe sometime” is just a hypothetical.

I’m a woman (who gave up on internet dating) and I endorse all of this.

[RickJay]

@Kevbo

Resist any urge to brag, but beyond that, are you expressing interest in getting to know her, or just telling her about yourself? When she tells you something about herself, mentally file it. Example: " My co-worker was bitchy today, wonder what her problem was!" Next day ask if Cathy was easier to get along with than yesterday. Don’t follow this as a formula, the point is to pay attention and BE interested, not to fake it. AND before you hit send, re-read her previous message and make sure you have addressed any questions she asked. If you don’t, then you are hiding something or ignoring her, neither of which is good.

Truer words were never spoken.

If you want someone to like you, you must demonstrate that you like them. If you act as if the other person is fascinating, they will find you fascinating. Dale Carnegie nailed this stuff decades ago.

[Cumberdale]

@Kevbo

I just re-read the OP. If you are getting replies to your initial contacts, then the problem isn’t with your profile…leave it alone. They need to see something interesting, and nothing seriously wrong with your profile, or you won’t get the first reply.

Things you might be doing wrong:

Focusing on her appearance. The way to tell her she is nice looking is to pay lots of attention to her. If you are showing interest, she will assume that you like how she looks.

r u using txt spk?..LOL! Use a spell checker, decent grammar, and avoid abbreviations. It won’t matter to some, but it is something a couple of women have mentioned that made me stand out…but I am chasing the smart ones, your mileage may vary.

Stay appropriate. You are a stranger. If you say anything sexual, then you should expect the same reaction you’d get by placing an obscene phone call. Somewhere there is a woman that will stay on the line and chat with an obscene caller, but that is not who I want to date.

Resist any urge to brag, but beyond that, are you expressing interest in getting to know her, or just telling her about yourself? When she tells you something about herself, mentally file it. Example: " My co-worker was bitchy today, wonder what her problem was!" Next day ask if Cathy was easier to get along with than yesterday. Don’t follow this as a formula, the point is to pay attention and BE interested, not to fake it. AND before you hit send, re-read her previous message and make sure you have addressed any questions she asked. If you don’t, then you are hiding something or ignoring her, neither of which is good.

Flirting: Look for any flirtiness in her messages, and reply in kind, but stay at least one notch more respectful. Nothing overt. If your not sure, play dumb. Be the guy she tells about how crude the other guys are. Focus your flirts on being fun rather than sexy. Sexy to women is never what you think it is.

As others have said: Fish or cut bait. BUT don’t be too pushy. After a few messages using the service, tell her she seems nice and pass along your number. Invite her to reciprocate if she feels comfortable. If you come off as even slightly pushy here, you are done. At least of my age, a lot of women respect the “rule” of never calling the guy first. And have a time and place in mind when you ask. (and assume it is up to you to ask) Not just “so, would you like to meet sometime?” If that doesn’t work, fine to negotiate, but having a when and where means she is being invited. “maybe sometime” is just a hypothetical.

I do follow all of these because I realize women probably do deal with a lot of nonsense on these sites. The ones I have emailed so far come off as dull or not very interested. I’ll mention things I am doing to get the conversation going and the responses are pleasant but not very forthcoming or flirty. One had a dog, and I suggested meeting at a dog park. She seemed receptive, but stopped replying so I moved on.

I may try some of the sites mentioned here, but right now, I’m not sure.

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

As a member of the Internet Generation and an unofficial relationship guru, I advise people about this stuff a lot. I think Kevbo’s advice is spot-on, especially if you are looking for “older” women. I’ll just add this: dating is supposed to be fun, even for nerds. Think of it as an adventure, and try to enjoy the process itself, rather than putting up with it in the hope of eventually reaching a goal.

[Inna_Minnit]

@cumberdale I couldn’t reply to your PM, check your settings.