A florist in Arkansas is offering a bouquet made from toilet paper for $75 for people who can’t find any on the shelves due to hoarding out of fear of the coronavirus.
@Beck, if I could, I’d send one your way. 
Reminds me of a meme posted on Facebook this morning: "I hate everyone in this group, I think you are all a bunch of whining babies…feel free to toilet-paper my house!"
I’ll take it. Thx (:))
(Pretend like)
Nothing says, “I really do give a shit” like a TP bouquet.
Dammit nellie, that is funny!
There was a social media post in Japan mocking the resale and price gouging of face masks and toilet paper. The person offered a 2-for-1 product by making a mask out of a piece of toilet paper for some ridiculous amount. It came with a warning that it might stick to the mouth or anus, and for maximum usage efficiency, use on face first then anus and not the other way around. One of the funniest post I had seen.
I saw a meme about how much TP to use at a time. 4 sheets for pee.
warning TMI:
I tried it. 4 squares for peeing. It didn’t work. I need more. Each time I pee’d to day, I added a sheet. 8 sheets is perfect. YMMV, according to which brand paper and how wet your peeing is.
Nothing says “hoarding” like a florist who has enough rolls of TP to be making and selling bouquets out of it.
On an unrelated note: I bet a lot of people wish they had one of these instead of using TP.
There are alternatives:
The 16th-century French satirical writer François Rabelais has his character Gargantua investigate a great number of ways of cleansing oneself after defecating. Gargantua dismisses the use of paper as ineffective, rhyming that: “Who his foul tail with paper wipes, Shall at his ballocks leave some chips”. He concludes that the neck of a goose, that is well downed provides an optimum cleansing medium.
One can only imagine what toilet paper was like 500 years ago - I doubt that they had the option of “Cushiony-soft CleanRipple” with Shea Butter.
No, because the florist is putting the toilet paper to (not the usual) use. A hoarder would stack it in a closet or the dining room.
Meanwhile in Germany - Toilet Paper Cake
The orange terror whined awhile back about having to flush his toilet dozens of times. He probably uses vast amounts of TP too. (That’s why my sister divorced an ex.) Back in the day, when hard drugs were scarce, Keith Richards was blamed for shortages. I attribute a US lack of tissues to Putin’s puppy. Is White House plumbing rootered more than during the Obama years? Have executive plumbers (the old kind) written any tell-alls?
Then there’s the bear and squirrel joke. Bear asks squirrel, “Does shit stick to your fur?” “Why, no.” You can guess what happens next.
No corncobs were injured while writing this post.