Only the lonely? Pros and cons of living alone

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, as I take stock of my position in life, two years after making the big move to the big smoke, there seems to be one little piece of gravel in the sock of my contentment.

Job - could be better, but what job couldn’t?
Romance - after a long dry spell, have walking, talking girlfriend.
Social life - fine and dandy - new friends, old friends, co-workers - crazy fun all round.
Habitation - Ah.

I live in a 2.5 bedroom house, with two other guys. It’s a nice house - new kitchen, reasonable lounge, the housemate dynamics work really well. Unfortunately, I’m in the half-bedroom. It fits one bed lengthways and one chest of drawers (making an L with the bed) athwart. The lack of space initially fitted in well with my having neither girlfriend nor many material possessions. The one bookshelf is crammed with my books, my stereo perches atop my chest of drawers, where my shirts, hanging from the rail above, waft it gently in the breeze from the speakers. My narrow single bed is 5 ft of the ground, and bulky objects such as the suitcase I came with nestle snugly beneath it. As yet, the precariously balanced books have yet to plummet onto my head while sleeping, testimony to the brick-stacking skills I learned in the nursery. Yet, despite the picture of snug bliss I have painted here, I find myself growing discontent with this cosy little nook.

Mainly, this is a girlfriend issue - some words were exchanged regarding the importance of tidiness vs the impossibility of excluding the floor’s vital storage capabilities from the overall stowage plan; the narrowness of the bed, at first so cosy when shared has but recently resulted in my waking with a spine twisted through a particularly unholy arc; and now that my notional wardrobe has pretensions toward his ‘n’ hers, the room is bursting at the seams.

Which is a roundabout way of saying that I’m thinking of moving and thus we come to the crux of the dilemma - should I move into my own place - still renting? I can see definite advantages - freedom, control, sense of ownership, my decor etc. I will miss coming home to other people, I think. And I fear that either I spend more evenings alone - not terrible but it can grow wearing - or I end up spending the majority of my time out of the home. And why go to the effort of creating a personalised shag-palace environment if you’re not going to be there? Also, of course, I know it’s more expensive to live alone, but how much more? I’m not talking about bills etc. but things like buying food I don’t eat in time and losing out on all bulk savings.

So, do you live alone? How does that work for you - what’s good, what’s bad, how does it differ from sharing accommodation in terms of eating habits, shopping habits, social life? What advice would you offer someone (i.e. me) thinking of taking up the ‘loner’ tag?

All advice listened to, if not ultimately heeded. Many thanks.

2

I have not shared housing with anyone since I finished college and got out on my own, so I can’t really look at any benefits of living with others. That said, what I like about living by myself:

  1. I have my own space, and what I do with it is my business (well, and the landlord’s)

  2. I’m not lonely - living alone does not mean that you’re lonely. I have friends, and we hang out, go out, end up at someone’s apartment or they end up here - and I tend to be something of a loner. If I wasn’t, I could probably go out most evenings with people.

  3. If I don’t want to be around people, I don’t have to be, except for work. I can come home, lock the door stick some lame movie in or pick up a book - I also have caller ID so if I don’t want to deal with people, I don’t have to.

  4. The bills are mine - there’s no one running up a $400 phone bill that’s in my name and then not paying it (no, I’m not bitter at all :wink: ) - and if I run out of funds, it’s my fault alone, no one else’s. This leads to better financial management on my part.
    But it really comes down to what’s important to you - do you need people around all the time or not? Do you want space or do you want the security of knowing there are roommate’s around just in case (of money problems…loneliness, or other stuff)?

3

Unless circumstances push you into living alone, it has to be something you really want to do - otherwise you’ll never be happy with your decision.

I live with a cat, almost alone but not quite so it’s a great relationship for us. I like the concept of living alone in that I have my freedom and independence - I can do what I like when I like and don’t have to worry about anyone else’s plans etc. I can have friends round when I want company and I can spend evenings vegged out in front of the TV if that’s what takes my fancy.

It can be more expensive to live alone, but as far as food bills are concerned you can still do the bulk buying of tinned/packaged stuff, it just means you need to shop for those less often. With fresh stuff you do run the risk of buying more than you need or just not being able to pass up a bargain…I tend to buy lots of fresh veg and then cook large quantities of things that I can freeze. This also means I’ve usually got a freezer full of potential ‘ready meals’. Things like that aren’t difficult to work around, it just takes a little bit of planning.

The one downside to the whole thing is that I think I’ve probably become a more selfish person. I like my space, I like my own company some of the time and there are days when my friends visit when I am almost resentful that they’ve turned up and ruined my day/afternoon/evening home alone.

In a way I’m lucky because my partner lives and works abroad so he’s only home for one or two weekends every month so I get the benefits of having someone there for a short time (someone I can hug, complain to, share the good stuff with etc) and then I’m back being monarch of all I survey.

Not sure if that’s going to help you at all…

4

My impression from your post is that you may not be happy living alone. Maybe you could find other roommates in a place with a bigger bedroom for you.
I’ve lived alone most of my adult life. I turn into psycho bitch when I live with someone. The longer you live alone, the more difficult it is to adjust to living with another.
On the other hand, my nieces come to visit every summer, and there are many people around and lots of noise for a couple of weeks. It sort of drives me crazy, but when they leave I get depressed for awhile. There is definitely an emotional adjustment that has to be made.

The big disadvantage of living alone for me is that there are a lot of things that are more easily done with an extra person – for example, moving furniture, some home repairs, dealing with car problems. A relatively small task or problem can become a big deal when you have to handle it yourself.

5

Thanks for the replies. I take lainaf’s point about living alone not necessarily suiting me, but I have done it before for brief periods: I do enjoy times of solitude and can generally keep myself occupied even in the face of the frankly appalling TV schedules (although I will admit that this is partly due to my roommate’s PC). I’d probably have to invest a bit more in home entertainment systems if I were setting up alone, but I’m confident I could cope - provided I managed to get a set up whereby I can see friends on a regular and reasonably spontaneous basis, which should be well within my means.

Getting a pet is something I’d definitely consider, but clearly it would have to something capable of surviving my absence at work and perhaps the pub… and I hear that hunting cats are frowned on nowadays. Hmm.

I am definitely tempted by the idea of having my own space, my own decor, music, tidying regime etc. Being able to make a place entirely my own and feel utterly comfortable there would be great.

Maybe it’s an age thing - needing to establish my own space and ideas about how to make a home? (I’m 24 by the way.) If you’re older, does that make living alone easier, harder? I suppose you’ve probably got more money and you’re more settled - you know what you like and don’t.

6

I’m 29 and have been living on my own since I was 22. For me, it’s not been more or less difficult the older I get. As for more money, I find that now that I’m back in school with less money, it’s easier. (Perhaps because I’m not spending 8-10 hours a day at a place I don’t want to be.)

And pets - I’ve not had one since I’ve been living on my own, but I have made the decision that I’m getting either a cat or kitten within the next month.

7

I’ve lived alone for more than 20 years, and the very thought of living with someone else gives me the shudders.

8

Alone --you are independent but the price is often being lonely.

Of course, if you have a nice beach house then you have people staying with you alot :slight_smile:

9

I bought my own place when I was 22, and I couldn’t imagine having to share. People can come and visit, that’s okay, but it’s my house and i can do what I want to it.

The only plus side I can see to having someone else living here is maybe they would be better at fixing things than I am, so I wouldn’t have so many diffenent things held together with duct tape.

10

I started living alone during grad school after the hassle of finding new roommates every year or so grew too stressful. The adjustment to not having other people around was tough (but was helped by the acquisition of a series of cats). Now, I suspect that living with someone would drive me nuts.

People have already hit on most of the advantages and disadvantages. Everything is yours, and you are pretty much ruler of your domain. No one messes with your stereo and no one gets upset if you’re working on a project and leave some half-assembled furniture and wood clamps in the living room for a month or two. On the other hand, it can get a bit lonely, and there’s no one around to help with the chores or take up the slack when you have to wait for the furnace repair guy to show up.

At least when starting out in a new place, I’d recommend a good social circle so you have places to go and people to see. Sounds like you have that covered.

11

I live alone and LOVE it… but a lot of it depends on your personality. I like having a refuge to come home to, where nobody else is in my way. Maybe I’m just selfish? I don’t know… but I’ll tell you, I’m never, ever lonely. I have an outside life from my apartment, I just think it’s wonderful to have your own little nest where you can get some privacy… seriously… where else can you enjoy completely alone time if not?

(BTW - I am moving in with my boyfriend in 6 months, and am equally happy about that… guess it depends on where you are in your life as well)

… if you are over age 25, I say give it a shot, you must always learn to live with yourself no matter what and relish in complete self-sufficiency at some point in your life.

12

Well, this one is both good and bad: There is no one there when I get home.

Good: I can come home anytime I want.
Good: I can stay up as late as I want.
Good: I can stay in the bathroom as long as I want.
Good: No one yells at me for being untidy.
Good: I can watch what I want, and channel surf forever without someone complaining.

Bad: Sometimes, it would be nice to have someone to talk to, someone to hold.

Although it seems like a 5 to 1 landslide for being alone, I gotta say that it is about 50-50. Having someone to hold far outweighs watching TV and coming home when I want to.

13

I love living alone. I lived with other people (usually in shared houses) all through college, and when I graduated last year, I moved into a little 1-bedroom apartment all my own.

I don’t mind loneliness at all, and I love not having anyone else’s crap around. I can decorate however I want, I never have to wait for someone else to finish in the bathroom, I don’t have to put up with other people’s annoying music or TV tastes. It’s just all around great living alone. It helps that I’m a very antisocial person.

The big, big drawback is money. Living alone is one helluva lot more expensive than sharing an apartment, and it’s pretty hard for me to make my rent (I’m breaking even each month, just barely).

But money aside, my experience of living alone is that it’s extra super wonderful! (YMMV. A lot.)

14

I had lots of siblings, but they were all a lot older (and all girls to boot) than me, so I sort of got to experience both the big family and being an only child.

From that perspective I’d have to say that living alone kicks ass. :slight_smile:

15

I live alone (well, with a cat) and like it for all the reasons stated above and experience few of the drawbacks minly because I like having my own space and not wondering what happened to the scissors because I know I put it back in the drawer last night.

You know what I mean.

I think living situation is highly dependent on your personality. If you’re used to having lots of people around and need/like the banter, then living alone will be a big adjustment for you. Not to say you can’t do it, because you can. You just need to substitute or find new relationships to compensate for the built-in ones (go out with friends, have them over). I think it’s one of those things that you may feel like you need to do after a while.

One big con about living alone is that cooking for 1 plain sucks. Quite honestly, that’s my biggest complaint about living alone. (That, and it would be nice to be able to go away and not worry about the cat, except that I have a wonderful neighbors who come over look after her for me. <–alternate solution to problem

16

I’ve had my own place for about 5 years. Wouldn’t have it any other way. I can damn well do whatever I want, when I want. Bathroom all to myself, no fighting over chores, and it’s naked time ALL the time. :smiley:

17

PROS:
Do what I want, when I want to.
No idiot roomates bothering me.
No one stiffing me on rent or bills.
No one bringing annoying friends or girlfriends over at 2:00am.
House is decorated the way I want.

CONS:
Co$t
If you don’t clean up something, it doesn’t get clean
Sometimes it’s nice to hang out with someone and not have to make an event of it.
Easier to throw parties if you have a 3 bedroom and roomates
A lot of it depends on where you live and you personality. If you have a lot of friends who live in the neighborhood, it doesn’t feel like you are alone (some of my friends come over more than Kramer from Seinfeld). If you are new to a strange city, then you might want to consider roomates for the first year or so.

18

It’s sounding more tempting by the minute. I have to say naked time is particularly appealing, although that tends to imply drawn curtains all the time. That, and I won’t have to schlep over to my girlfriend’s place if I want to see her.

But this cooking for one thing bothers me a little. I like to cook, almost as much for the pleasure of the act as for seeing other people enjoy it, but cooking big meals and eating them four days in a row, or using a quarter of an onion at a time doesn’t appeal. Any good solutions?

19

Use your freezer.
Make your dinner, eat some today, keep some for tomorrow then freeze two protions of it separately.
Then you have two separate dinners for the days you don’t feel like cooking.
Eating the same thing for a few days in a row doesn’t bother me, though. If I have cooked it, it must be because I like it, so I’ll eat it.
In fact, at this moment, I have a most delicious lasagne in my fridge that I made on Monday night.
It is getting better by the day!!

20

Hi, amrussell… I also live alone, and well, am so used to my own space, no matter how scruffy. OK I am a bit of a loner these days, and I do like my own little world, whereas you sound a bit busier and more sociable.

Still, that need not be a problem, and if you like to cook, I am very sure your friends will like to visit.

It seems to me you might be best advised to try it,: afer all - if you really hate it - you then go looking for another flat share, only with a bigger room.

btw - the room you have now sounds about as disastrous as one I had in London for a while. ANd when boyfriend got new job near London we were both there all week, with weekends at his place in Winchester. That was a TINY room! :frowning:

Best of luck with your decisions! :slight_smile: