While awaiting surgery for a pilonidal cyst (basically a cyst right at the top of my butt cheeks) and already in my hospital gown, I walked down three halls to get to the nearest restroom.
The cyst area was bandaged.
Unbeknownst to me, the hem of the hospital gown stuck to the bandage tape while I was using the restroom.
I walked back down all those three halls without anyone telling me that I was mooning everyone in sight.
County hospitals are busy places. Nobody said anything, even though a dozen people must have seen my bare ass.
I can only assume they thought I had snuck out of the psyche ward and was not to be approached.
I used to be very skinny. I rarely gained weight, so when I did, it took me awhile to realize that I needed bigger clothes. The Fall before, I had bought this really cute sundress on sale, but the weather changed before I had a chance to wear it that year. The next Summer we were invited to a cookout, and I wanted to wear my new dress. It had buttons all down the front, and in the car I noticed the buttons at my waist were straining a bit. But, it never crossed my mind that I should get hubby to turn around and let me change.
You know how those Adirondack chairs sit real low? I sat in one, and 2 of the buttons landed in my lap. There was my newly formed potbelly sticking out of the gap. :o
I was at work one day wearing a sort of rugby shirt slash sweatshirt sort of thing, and while I was talking to a co-worker I felt something odd underneath, so I stuck my hand up under the shirt and felt around… and pulled out a pair of my wife’s undies that had static-clung themselves to the inside of my shirt.
The worst part was, I had no idea what to do with the panties for the rest of the day! (I think I just stuck them in a pocket or something…)
I once worked in an office that had lever-style doorknobs – a bar that you grab and turn. They looked about like this , except the end of the handle was pointed.
One time I walked through the lobby and went to open the door to the back area of the office. I was approaching the door from the side, so the door handle was pointing right at me. Somehow I missed the handle, and instead it went up my sleeve and punctured my shirt sleeve at the elbow. This threw me off balance and I would have fallen all the way down, except that I was now “hooked” to the door by the elbow. I flailed around for good ten or fifteen seconds before I was able to extricate myself, which was an amusing spectacle for everyone waiting for the elevator.
My version of this one blessedly happened at home with only my husband to witness - I was leaning against a doorjamb late one evening talking to him about something, then turned to leave the room, and caught the belt of my loose bathrobe on an exposed nail (we had been doing some remodeling.) I took about three steps, encountered some unexpected resistance, pulled, and stepped stark nekkid out of my still-snagged bathrobe.
About 8 years ago I once had a pair of jeans rip, up the back. They didn’t split at the seam, but about an inch and a half away from it.
Yes, I was at the office.
Yes, we all went out to lunch that day.
No, I didn’t discover it until I was on my way home. I have no idea when it happened. Or how…they weren’t cheap jeans, and they weren’t excessively tight, and I’d only had them about 6 months.
Warning: TMI follows. This is not exactly an accident, but definitely the result of a bit of rushing/carelessness on my part…
Back when my method of birth control was condoms and foam, I had one of those plastic applicator thingies (kind of like a plunger) to shove the foam into its, er, proper location. It’s terribly embarrassing to admit this, but while on a trip, we packed up our suitcases in a hurry after having had sex, and I grabbed the used applicator and tossed it into my suitcase without washing it. So it had bits of dried foam on it.
We then had to pass through customs in Guam. The lines were long and many people were right behind us. A plump-fingered customs official rooted through my suitcase, found the used applicator, held it up in the air where everyone could see it, and said in a really loud voice, “WHAT’s THIS?”
Seeing the used applicator, with bits of dried foam still on it, held high so that the people behind us in line could see it, and knowing that the last place the applicator had been was jammed up my vagina, and here this customs guy had his fingers all over it … well, I have never blushed as intensely before or since. I barely managed to whisper, “it’s…for…birth control.”
The customs guy put it back, chuckled and apologized. “Hey, I’ve got six kids…I wouldn’t know about that stuff.”
I never, ever packed the applicator in my suitcase again without washing it first, no matter how rushed I was.
When you are drunk, you’re not nearly as sneaky or discreet as you think you are. A couple Thanksgivings ago, I had my in laws over. I drank way too much that night (beer and tequila) and could feel it rapidly bubbling up.
Thinking quick, I ran to the sink, turned on the faucet and the disposal, and acted like I was throwing food (well, I kind of was, in a way ) down the disposal. I thought I was being so subtle about puking in the kitchen sink when people were in the other room…
…But it was super obvious to everyone and they were having a good laugh at my expense. My brother in law took a picture of me during the act and showed me later, much to my embarassment. In the picture, it was pretty obvious that I was drunk and puking in the sink, not clearning dishes
In the gym locker room in junior high, I was talking to a couple of friends, rather animatedly. They were looking at me kind of funny. I couldn’t figure out why.
Then I looked down. One of my boobs was half-way out of my bra. :smack:
One time when I was pregnant and trying to convince myself that I didn’t need maternity pants just yet, I wore some side-zipper slacks with one of those finicky, thin and long zippers. Well, the zipper completely broke as soon as I sat on my office chair, right before a meeting, and my top wasn’t long enough to cover it. Thank goodness for the stapler!
I used to work at a bank where I had a uniform of multicolored shirts paired with slacks. I had just gotten a new ivory shirt to wear to work. I only owned one white bra at the time, the rest were colored. I went to work and about 3 hours later, an old man came to my teller window. He stared at my chest the whole time. I was uncomfortable, but let it go. When he left, I mentioned to my superior that he was staring at me. My supervisor (a male) started laughing and said “well, it definitely isn’t because your shirt is basically see - thru and he could see your lace bra or anything.” I was so mad that in the 3 hours of working, NO ONE mentioned it to me. I wore my suit jacket the rest of the day.
One day in college I had to go to the Admission/Records office, and they had a long slalom of padded rope you had to walk through to reach the counter. There was no one in line, and I certainly wasn’t going to zig-zag back and forth and look like an ass when I could simply hop the barriers and go straight to the counter. Unfortunately, I didn’t account for the weight of the heavy backpack I was wearing when I made my first jump, and I landed with both feet on top of the rope. I brought the whole thing down when I landed.
I often shop at a corner greengrocers that has a big display of fruit on trestles outside the shop. So one day I’m trying to separate some grapes from a bunch and it took quite a sizable tug… I’m not quite sure what happened but my hand hitting the display set off a chain reaction that collapsed the trestles and sent fruit bouncing everywhere.
In sixth grade English class we had to recite a poem from memory. When I stood up to recite, I farted. It was one of those high pitched long squeaky farts. The rest of the class collapsed with laughter and the teacher, who hadnt heard the fart, started screaming at the kids to be quiet and glaring at me for doing something to provoke them but she didnt know what it was and I just plowed right on with my poem, desperate to get it over with. I still dont know how I got through it.
) down the disposal. I thought I was being so subtle about puking in the kitchen sink when people were in the other room…