Good idea. Hoping to finish my thoughts on all stories tonight.
Not much. I was pretty happy with this one. But I would have liked to have come up with something less vague for the “science” aspect. I was pretty impressed with the scenarios the other writers conjured, and the nifty jargon!
I love words. I love writing. Except when I hate my words, and I hate writing. It’s plotting that gets me. My characters just sort of wander around in their little worlds, and brood and age, but I find it so hard to create events, action, conflict–you know, plot.
Whereas I agonize over trying to whittle down my plot, and lose every iota of character development! I mean, I am glad people found my story interesting and voted for it, but be honest - did a single person care that Martin died in my story? Nope. Because he wasn’t fleshed out.
I will grant that in many crime stories and mysteries, the victim is rarely someone the reader/audience cares about and the story involves “how” the murder happened, but it is still frustrating not to be able to create a character that at least might be missed (or be happy) when found dead.
I just have to work harder to find that happy medium of plot vs character development. If I ever nail that, I think my stories will be far better.
BTW Savannah, you made an apt comment about wondering about the over-the-top rich, soap opera characterizations and the expensive wedding. In my draft version (that I would have whittled and fiddled had I kept it all in) there was a description of the actual wedding:
"The wedding was held in Westminster Cathedral. Martin’s best man was his cousin Will (aka Prince William) and Will’s wife, Kate, was one of Catherine’s bridesmaids, along with Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Gwyneth Paltrow and Snooki.
And while it was nothing new to have a wedding gown designed by a world famous designer - Gautier, Versace and Vera Wong were not only hired to design Catherine’s gowns for the three day event, they were also hired to design the gowns of every one of the over 1000 women invited to the nuptials. The men all had their clothing designed and fitted by Calvin Klein and Dior. Armani designed the engraved diamond watches, given to all of the guests, commemorating the event.
And sure, some people liked to have a harpist play quietly in the church, but Catherine opted to fly in the NY Philharmonic and have Barbra Streisand sing with the Vienna Boys Choir as her back up group.
For the reception, all of the guests were flown in private charter jets to a Caribbean island that was so exclusive, none of the guests knew exactly where they were even after they arrived. As there were not enough rooms on the island, most opted to stay on the Queen Elisabeth II that had been rented for the event and docked nearby.
The reception was catered by French chefs (Michelin 4 star) and yes, there was music; Martin liked classic rock, so there were two bands – the opening act was The Rolling Stones, followed by a one-time performance by Led Zepplin. Catherine had more eclectic taste and had Jay-Z perform the following night, along with Beyonce and even a few love ballads sung by Celine Dion, Josh Groban and the entire Broadway cast of Les Miserable singing an original song written by Sondheim for the happy couple.
Of course, everyone was eager to see Catherine’s ring - made by Swiss luxury jewelers Shawish, and valued at approximately $68 million. It weighed in at 150 carats and was made entirely out of a single cut and finished diamond."
I think the story benefited from that NOT being in the final version, but it was a part of the original.
And jackdavinci wondered why the animosity. Well, in my mind there will be a shock when Kate gives birth to the royal baby this summer and has a tad more natural tan than might be expected from someone as pale as Prince William…and Catherine found out and was more than a bit pissed off.
So, as the above example proves, some stuff deserves to be chopped and edited, but there still needs to be plot, characterization and mood. I think I only got the plot right - but need serious work on the other two facets. Next time…(I promise once again), next time I will try harder to put it all together.
I hoped to be able to add to these rough reading notes, but it looks like that won’t happen now, so I’ll share them before the thread drops out of sight:
Rosee reflections: Interesting vignette, but I wanted something more, some sense of stronger conflict.
Shards: guessing that the candy dish is going to get broken… and that doesn’t pay off. In fact, I’m not sure what the candy dish had to do with the rest of the story. It’s a fun tale, though, and I like the general frame of the grandma talking to her grandchildren. Needs a little something and I’m not quite sure what, sorry I can’t be more helpful.
Magic: A very smart little howdunit! Something struck me as off about the characterizations in the beginning but I like how they fed into the mystery.
Chevrefoil: Messy, brave, and weirdly lovable? I dunno, the paradox wasn’t quite clear and you NEED the paradox to be clear in a story like this, but I love the concept! If you expand this, please let me know?
The metafiction detective and the case of the catoptric algorithm cosmorama: All of this sounds good, but I can’t help feeling like it doesn’t mean anything deep inside. Hmm…
Show me: Some good stuff here, I like the characters, and the personal arc. Not sure about the science or how it fits in, but it does kinduv-okay as a whatchemacallit.
The State of Panic: Doesn’t really make much sense to me
The Army of Archimedes: Never really hooked me