I used to think harnesses were bad for kids I thought they looked degrading as too. But after reading these posts and having a rough week getting compliance from him this week, I’m pretty sure that I’m going to use one next week. I have a 5 y/o special needs child that has no fears or qualms about taking off and we are planning a family vacation to Disneyland. My son is not verbal and if he got lost, he would not be able to tell anyone his name, his parents names, etc…
I’m pretty sure we wont be the only parents with a kid on a leash.
I have seriously thought about getting one but my daughter is almost four. Is that too old? She doesn’t always want to hold my hand or sit in her stroller, and sometimes doesn’t even want to sit in the shopping cart. She doesn’t always want to stay by my side patiently and I don’t know how to make her happily comply in the interest of her safety. She’s autistic and not afraid of going up to people she doesn’t know anymore. She’s getting bolder, and that’s a good and bad thing. I want her to socialize and have friends, I do NOT want her to go with a stranger because she now feels comfortable being away from me. I don’t even know if a harness will work, she does not enjoy being restrained. I don’t know how she’d react to this kind of device.
I’m at my wits end with her fearlessness. She just has no concept of danger or being abducted. She will willingly take a stranger’s hand, she loves playing “chase-me” in a store or crowd. I’ve seen other parents use harnesses and it never bothered me. Kids run and they run fast. Better to use a leash than have a missing kid. The mothers I talk to haven’t used anything like that and I’m hesitant to even bring it up. I’m torn about it but I do tend to do errands while the little one is at school or in therapy. Makes everything easier but I still want to take her out into the world.
Having seen him make a beeline for the steps he really didn’t know how to get down, I’d have to say the leash is a good idea. Although how to get him to hold your hand, I’m stumped.
I never used one with my kids and can recall a couple of heart-stopping moments when I thought I had lost my son. I see nothing wrong with them and think it is splitting hairs to think they are less dignified than dragging a child around by the hand. In fact I have seem people using them in such a way as to make the child seem far more independent.
Used the harness type leash with both my kids in crowd/amusement park/etc. type situations.Got several dirty looks, but I didn’t care. A leashed but safe kid was better than even temporarily lost kid. Plus, hey, face it, when it’s your child, you KNOW they are a cute kid and you worry. In the boys case, he loved the freedom to roam. In the non-verbal austistic girls case, I used it to teach her that there are times I will not back down. She either holds my hand or we don’t go. Even with her, I pick my battles. She has independence and freedom but she still has rules, as do we all. The harness helped me with her to get this across. Hold my hand or we don’t go, and yes, that also means she dosn’t go. (BTW, the harness hasn’t been used for oh gosh, I’d say 2 or 3 years at least now. She still holds my hand to cross the street or in parking lots, etc.)
If Aaron hates the harness, cool. Make him hold your hand (the whole time you’re traveling would be my suggestion, but ignore that if you’d like) while he wears it, and if he’s great about it, make a big deal about putting it away. Use it to help you pick your battle. Some things are NOT negotible even when you’re dealing with someone 20 months old. Good luck.
Considering all the “age appropriate” accommodations we make with special needs kids, I would say that she is not too old. You may get a few more nasty looks from people because of her size, but I doubt that it would traumatize her to be harnessed.
I’m much too young and immature to be a parent, not even sure my gonads are capable of producing one. I’m an only child with no brothers or sisters and my cousins live overseas. So I have little experience but have enjoyed reading the contributions to this thread. My opinion though, for what it’s worth - sometime, now or down the track, but the sooner the better, the child has to learn to fear danger. While the fearlessness might be cute in the young man now, it’s a parent’s responsibility to teach the child what to fear and what to accept as safe.
Children, like parents and the whole of society in which we live, have to learn risk assessment. The only source of the whole set of learnings that lead to adequate and proper risk assessment in a one-year-old is the parent. Reliance on a ‘green house set of measures’, like the leash, or the floaties in the swimming pool, or the trainer wheels on the pushbike instead of teaching the child risk assessment or how to swim or how to ride the pushbike correctly may assuage the conscience of the parent but does little to remove the child from the cocoon of over-protectiveness.
I guess I’m against the leash, maybe only because I can still remember the utter indignity of it. Teach the child risk assessment. It will be best for you and your child in the long run.
In 1967 harnesses for kids didn’t exist, at least I far as I knew. There were no seat belts in cars either. So, my then husband, and I built our son a harness out of parachute straps. He was in the Air Force (the husband, not the tot). We made it to be used with the leash, or as a child restraint in the car. No one restrained the kids in the back seat then. My mother-in-law was horrified.
Truely, my son felt more free with the harness, because he didn’t have to hold a hand. and, because we started early, he never minded the confinement in the car.
So how is it different? We now are required to restrain children in vehicles. But 35+ years ago it was seen by many as child abuse.
Keep you kids safe, using whatever means you have at hand. A dirty look means far less than your peace of mind.
IANAP but I would like to consider myself pragmatic on such matters. I’d like to say get the harness. It might not be something you’ll use every day, but for a trip like you are describing, it sounds essential. Dirty looks be damned. As others have said, better a dirty look than a missing child.
:shudder: I don’t even want to think about how horrible that would be, to lose a child, even for a few moments. Get the damned harness!
I could never use a leash on my kid – he’s not a dog, after all. But I don’t have any ill will towards folks who do, and I’m surprised others would give you a dirty look if you chose to use one.
My method? Hold his arm, carry him, and/or follow him at all times, depending on context. I’d rather put up with the chore of following him everywhere than to use a leash.
We had a harness and leash for our daughter when she was little - then again, we lived aboard a boat and it was a long walk along the pier to get to the car. I wasn’t about to fish her out of the river if I didn’t have to and she was definitely too independent to be carried everywhere.
The one thing I’d like to add to this discussion (I didn’t see it as I read through) is to mind the leash. You don’t want to be taking up too much of a crowded walkway with an expanse between you and yours. But that’s just a matter of common courtesy. As for looks from other people - pffffft. It’s none of their business, is it? And why should you care what some random stranger thinks? Like me, for example?
rjung, those aren’t always practical. If I have to do something at a counter, like check in for a flight or pay a check or whatever, I can’t hold onto him. He’s also about 30 pounds by the bathroom scale, so he’s too heavy to carry for long periods of time.
My friend, who has twins, uses the harness type when he takes the little tykes to the mall. One woman scolded him for having them tethered and he said that he would gladly unleash them right there if only she would tell him which one she would be chasing since they tend to sprint away in opposite directions.
I have a very active seven year old who was a fearless toddler. He would walk up to anyone. Mostly we stayed at home and played outside because if we were in a store he would run off. A leash would have been helpful but I didn’t use one being a young mom and already a target for other parents.
Toddler leashes give active kids freedom. Develop the attitude of “I am a Great and Powerful Mother and I Know What is Best for My Child.”
My son stays with me now so we go to lots more places, in case anyone was wondering
Not a parent, but we had a wrist one when my brother was little – it involved Velcro, and his end was deliberately tricky to undo. I was nine, so he usually got harnessed to me. It was great; it had a telephone-type cord, so he could run around a good distance but he couldn’t get away. In a crowd we’d shorten his leash, of course, but in an empty store aisle or something (with me watching to make sure he didn’t start yanking stuff off shelves) it was wonderful for an energetic little boy.
It may be a bit undignified but it’s far better than a lost kid. It’s not like you have them on a choke chain or something. Toddlers like to run around.
We’re going to be traveling to Australia in September with our (then) 14 month old, with a layover at LAX. The day I bought our tickets was the same day I bought his leash. I have no idea how active he’ll be, or even if he’ll want to walk, but there is no way I’m going to risk losing him in that mass of humanity. I got the harness type, from One Step Ahead (which has a lot of cool travel stuff).
Sisyphus’ Stone, I agree with you about risk assessment to an extent. That’s fine when you’re in a somewhat controlled environment - at home, in an uncrowded place where you can keep an eye on your child, not right next to a busy street. For instance, our home is somewhat childproofed against stuff that could actually kill a kid (no heavy, unanchored bookcases; outlets are blocked; poisons are put away securely), but I don’t sit here and pull him away from every corner he might bump his head on. He’s only just crawling and he’s already figured out that it hurts when he smacks his head on the table leg, so he’s more careful when he’s around them. It’s just not smart, though, to take a child into an environment where he’s very likely to be seriously injured, killed, or lost and let him loose. There’s something to be said for risk assessment on the parents’ part, too.
I used a wrist leash for Matthew. Velcro, with a coiled cord between his wrist band and mine. It felt less like a leash that way. He was (and still is) a very independant kiddo, and I know that thing saved him from getting squashed by a car on more than one occasion.
Get it, use it, and thank Og you’ve got the sense to ignore the nay-sayers.
IANAP, but my mother used one for my little brother. She did this after he had plunged into a lake in February, wandered off from a family reunion, and gotten lost in a department store (all before the tender age of three). She figured if she wanted to keep him alive, the leash was the best solution…she used the harness type, which seems more sensible and safer than the wrist kind.
what rjung said. the only single time i’ve seen it used is by a foreigner, everyone else manages just fine*.
just fine? if you discount stuff like the announcements at the shopping centres every weekends and holidays, “a boy/girl by the name of blursotong had been found. will the parents please come to the information counter at level one immediately. thank you.”
I used a the torso leash on both of my children until I felt they were old enough to trust to stay beside me. Even now I threaten them with the leash if they are misbehaving, keeps them in line. I had several in different colors so they’d match whatever outfit my little one was wearing at the time.
When I was in high school a girl I went to school with hit and killed a little girl while driving. The little girl’s Mom had been running behind her and screaming for her but the little girl just wouldn’t stay with her. We drove up a few minutes later and got out to comfort this poor mother who kept screaming that her daughter was supposed to hold her hand. Her daughter was only 22 months old. It’s not worth the risk if you ask me.
But I don’t have any ill will towards folks who do, and I’m surprised others would give you a dirty look if you chose to use one.