The Middle East has produced three major religions, which are historically related: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. These religions are various responses to the climatic conditions in the Middle East: climatic conditions explain both how each religion arose and how they vary from one another.
It goes like this:
It is very hot and dry in the Middle East, so people wear robes to ventilate their bodies. However, since the robes are open at the bottom, hot sand inevitably gets swept up by the wind and ends up in one’s hot, sticky crack. Anyone who is familiar with this experience will testify that this is most distressful.
Christians respond to this harrowing situation with the comforting belief that, if they are very, very good, they will one day be free of sand in their cracks. This allows them to endure a great deal of distress. However, many Christians are so eager to see a world free of sandy cracks that they are zealous to liberate even those who do not believe one’s crack can be thus liberated. There are some Christians who seek to liberate your crack at gunpoint.
Muslims, on the other hand, are often driven mad by the harassment of hot sand up one’s crack–so much so that many are driven to extreme anger and fervent histrionics. Some are even driven to acts of violence. Some Muslims believe that these extreme acts, born of sandy torment, will bring them an eternal life free of sand. They also believe they’ll get grapes and virgins.
Finally, Jews respond to their torment with the belief that there is nothing they can do about the sand in their cracks, for they are condemend to endure it. However, they content themselves with the belief that their cracks are blessed, for they believe that God has promised them that the sand in their cracks will always be better than the sand in your crack.
