It’s really one of my personal favorites. It’s like the Trading Spaces* of CTs. “No, you can’t put the gold fringe on there, it clashes with the common law!”
*The good ones, with the cute hostess and the hyper-cool Asian-American designer and before Ty became a total douche.
Oh, that’s easy, they’re all true.
Just like every seafaring nation, we have a specialized body of admiralty, or maritime, law, but the general federal courts handle it (or state courts, where federal law allows them jurisdiction). There is generally no right to jury trial in admiralty cases before a federal court (in state court, that question is governed by the law of the state), which fact might play a role in the CT; but, admiralty cases are all civil, not criminal, cases.
Like all special conspiracy theories, there is the vaguest hint of truthiness to this one: admiralty courts were used by colonial authorities to reduce litigants’ rights, since English law did provide for separate admiralty courts at the time.
No idea how we got to the nonsense about US admiralty courts and gold fringes and whatnot.
Maybe if I ever get hauled up for doing something naughty I’ll denounce the tribunal as a court-martial because the witness box is made of teak.
Back off, I owned a Scion.
So, back to the lunatic fringe theory:
Flags with gold fringes are not regular courts, they are admiralty courts, so their decision do not apply to … what, the standard civil issues?. BUT, in the U.S. admiralty courts ARE regular courts, Federal or state. And they are civil courts.
Okay, I get that. Pardon me while I go do some research on the Illuminati.
Wait, what does teak have to do with anything? Tell me that’s a whoosh. Please.
Well, teak comes from Southeast Asian. Y’know what else comes from Southeast Asia?!
Pho?
Exactly! :mad: (“Heroin,” “Commies,” or “incurable diseases” would also have been correct.)
Not just Islamic Malaysians?
Where can I get some Icelandic Mayonnaise?
That’s the children’s version.
In reality teak comes from former British Colonies. You know what else is a former British Colony? That’s right, Australia. What lives in Australia? Criminals and kangaroos. What’s named after kangaroos? Kangaroo court. So, ipso facto and caveat emptor, a court with teak furnishings can’t possibly be a real court.
If I ever get in serious legal trouble, will you represent me?
Well, you understand that I would want to help a fellow believer, but there may be slight jurisdictional issues. The years I spent off-planet in the hands of the [nameless] have, of course, given me the clarity of mind to see through these petty earthly conspiracies, but they’ve also made me a citizen of the wider galaxy and no longer just of earth. For some reason, these so-called “courts” object to these established facts.
It’s more of a whood, really.
Wow. What a great response from the Obama campaign:
They’re selling mugs with Obama’s birth certificate on them. Mine is already on the way…
Mugs are for drinking tea and coffee. You know what country grows tea and coffee? That’s right - Kenya. Connect the dots, sheeple!
Has it even been properly established that Obama was born on the planet Earth? I’m not one to draw inferences where there are none to be drawn whatsoever, but he doesn’t seem to be too keen to talk about THAT.
Obama = space Muslim, might sound a bit crazy, but if you think about it for hours and hours and hours on end whilst taking prescription medicine it all starts to make sense.
Some over-the-counter cough medicines work pretty well too.
Oh btw, I’ve got loads of really, really, REALLY good sources for my last post.
Like The Children’s Illustrated Guide to Intergalatic Jihad by Denzil Washington
As long as it’s not illegal, but impairs your abilty to think rationally, it’s good!
First time I’ve ever reposted anything on Facebook. 
Well, first time this month.