Best ER thread evah is here … Things I Learn From My Patients | Student Doctor Network
Warning! IT is 58 pages long and covers seven years of stories. Don’t start it if you can’t finish it. Some of it is funny and some of it is NOT.
Except for when I went in early this month, I always end up with good ‘neighbor’ stories in the ER. One that springs to mind was simply this dialogue:
Doctor: “Okay, we figured out why you were so hyper when you got in here. It was the cocaine in your system.”
Teen patient (Flabbergasted, over-acting for dad): “I… I’ve never done coke!”
Doctor: “Ah, I see. Someone must’ve just slipped it in your urine, then.”
Dammit…I forgot again!!!
Glad to hear TheKid is doing fine…you should dye her hair lavender though.
In all fairness, I know a guy who was hanging out in Edinborough for awhile. He said there was plenty of speed in town and used to partake regularly. One day, shortly after popping some pills purchased on the way into the pub, he found out out he had in fact just injested coke. So it is possible that some doofus was expecting something else entirely.
Hahahaha, that’s priceless. Just tell him to watch out for Reese. They’re his peanutu butter balls after all. It’s an apostrophe.
Do you have an ex in Minnesota who is no more than 4’10" and 250#? Wears her weave off her head by about a foot?
She swears she doesn’t remember the lavender comments. We’ve also had to go through the timeline numerous times, as she doesn’t believe it was 8 hours from admittance to waking up in post-op. In her mind it was less than an hour. For me it was the longest 8 hours ever.
She’s now up to 9 requests for left over vicodin. I suggested the laxative switch, but she says her friends know what vicodin looks like very well. They may be druggies, but they’re smart druggies. Sure.
Avarie537: I managed to get through about 10 pages of that link - oy vey.
It doesn’t even come close to the other stories, but last week when I went in to donate blood, the phlebotomist asked me if I’d ever been pregnant or had an abortion (usually, the moustache gives it away). Apparently, they’d had a lot of women come in that day, and she was working through the questionnaire on mental autopilot.
I love this decription of my work life.
Well, yes and no; that is, we have printer drama and microsoft ‘works’ just like everybody else.
My client had just died and the nurse came in and said, time of death 330:PM. I am crying and the clients, nephews, wife asks me if she can use my cell phone. The next thing I hear is, "He’s dead, yup, How much will you give me for his 2006 Ford Taurus? Yeah, We get his home and his belongings. :smack:
Last time I was in the ER - Dad’s blood pressure was out of control, and he needed IV medication - there was a drunk and disorderly woman brought in with handcuffs, hollering her head off that she had “Acute Abdominal Pain Disorder”. She told everybody who walked past her. She needed a drink of water, because she had Acute Abdominal Pain Disorder. She needed the handcuffs removed, because she had Acute Abdominal Pain Disorder. She needed to go potty, because she had Acute Abdominal Pain Disorder. She needed to be released, win the lottery, marry Pierce Brosnan, and drive a brand new Mercedes, because she had Acute Abdominal Pain Disorder.
So, the next time the nurse stopped by to check on my dad, I told her that I’d heard there was a lot of Acute Abdominal Pain Disorder going around, and asked if I should take any precautions. I got a modified version of The Look, more amused than aggravated. Then she said the best preventive measure was a blow to the head.
The rest of the time I was there, the staff did their best to get Acute Abdominal Pain Disorder lady to shut up. A resident and a nurse had an argument next to the woman’s bed about whether the currently preferred treatment was an enema or a nasal lavage. An orderly brought in a load of towels, in case the patient with AAPD bled out. The EMTs started swapping horror stories of all the AAPD deaths they’d seen.
Thankfully, the curtain around my father’s bed had been pulled, so all I had to do was stifle the laughter, not keep a straight face.